Yesterday was Will’s birthday. There’s nothing quite like someone else having a birthday to bring out the best in a narcissist. That sounds contrary to what would be expected, but narcissists are usually kind of moody and mopey on their own birthdays. They’re probably disappointed that they weren’t treated as grandly as expected. Maybe the red carpet wasn’t rolled out for them. Or the cake wasn’t quite perfect. But at someone else’s birthday, they have the opportunity to grandstand, and annex the limelight that should be shined on the birthday person.
Mark selected which gifts would be opened, and at what time in the process they would be opened. He wanted Will to open the gifts from him at certain moments. Apparently he was hoping that the gift opening would end in a fabulous crescendo, with the most fantastic gift coming from himself. The funniest part is that Mark is such a lousy gift giver. He’s always selecting things that he needs, or thinks someone else ought to need. How about that nice set of wrenches. “Gee, Dad, these wrenches might be a little nicer than the set you got me last Christmas. You can never have too many wrenches, or ski socks, or long underwear, or mittens.” Each time Will opened a gift that his dad had presented, Mark would look around the room to take in the admiring glances he was expecting.
Then, the minute the gifts had been opened, he whisked Will away to install the new components for his bike. Then he could direct the attention of the other partyers to himself, again. By taking Will outside to attach the new gadgets to Will’s bike, Mark was making sure that all the attention would not be on Will, but would stay on himself. Will kept asking to go back in the house to look at his other gifts, but Mark insisted that he stay outside to help him, and admire the special gifts that his dad had gotten him.
After Mark left, I asked Will if he’d had a good birthday. He explained that he wished he’d been able to hang with Jenny and myself more, but that his dad insisted that he stay outside. “Mom, how come even my birthday has to be all about dad?”
Tags: all about me, child of narcissist
