I have nagged. I have whined. I have cajoled. I have pleaded.
I have waited for change to come.
How long must I wait? At what point do I look in the mirror and decide that I don’t like what I see anymore?
I don’t like nagging, whining, pleading and waiting. How many times have I heard that I can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change? It seems pretty obvious that the personality type that is least likely to change would be the narcissistic personality. Why even consider changing something that is already perfect?
I waited for things to change.
I hoped that things might change.
There was no indication that change was coming.
I finally changed myself. I decided to stop nagging, begging, pleading and waiting. The change had to begin with me. Once I got out of his house, I learned that there most likely never would have been any change coming from his end.
Did I wait too long? Should I have looked in the mirror sooner?
I can waste a lot of time and energy with all the ‘what ifs’. I began the change when I was ready. I finally became proactive in my own life. I stopped reacting to everything I was dealt. I made the decision to play with a different deck and new cards.
There were no guarantees that the change would be for the better. Certainly I had waited because of Will and Jenny. Aren’t we all told that divorce is so difficult for children? At some point, I came to see that staying was going to be worse for them than leaving.
No one can tell you when to initiate change. It is true that you cannot change anyone but yourself.
Change was a step in the direction of reclaiming myself.
Tags: proactive
