I had a dream last night. Don’t panic. I’m not going to bore you with the details. But this morning, I felt a sense of hope that there might really be someone out there for me.
Accommodators are a special breed. Of course I say that, because I’m an accommodator. I think we get that way from our upbringing. We don’t think people like us or love us unless we do things for them. As long as we take care of everything, then we guarantee that we will be loved. It’s easy to see how narcissists prey on accommodators. It’s a match made in heaven. Accommodators need to please/serve/give and narcissists need to receive and be served. If the accommodator manages to serve, all the while admiring and complimenting the narcissist, well that’s even better. That’s why those relationships appear to work well. From an outsider’s perspective, it seems that both partners are getting what they want. That is until the narcissist determines that the accommodator isn’t performing up to standard, isn’t giving enough, or isn’t serving quickly enough.
I have to learn that I am just as worthy of receiving as anyone else. I will still be liked even if I am not constantly doing for others. I will be liked for who I am, not just what I can do. My mom once told me that I was so accommodating that I was annoying. I always thought the world would be a nicer place if everybody was a little more accommodating. Maybe she’s right. I’m going to work on not feeling guilty about receiving. I’m going to work on graciously letting someone do for me.
So in the dream, I’d met a man who was patient with me. He didn’t treat me like an inconvenience because of my sometimes messy life with kids. He enjoyed my company. He liked me even when he was doing things for me. And in the dream, I felt appreciated, accepted and loved. In the dream, I kept looking at this man as if he might disappear. I was stunned that he would want to be with me.
He’s out there. Somewhere. I think.
Tags: love, narcissism, proactive, survive
