My bathroom is dirty. The kitchen floor needs to be mopped. I probably haven’t vacuumed in … I’m not going to tell you how long it has been. I was just brushing my teeth, noticed the spots on the bathroom mirror, the dusty bathroom floor and thought, “Hm, I really ought to get to that.” I finished my teeth, turned off the bathroom light and walked away. I can walk away from things like that now. I get to determine when I handle those chores.
I get to decide what time we eat dinner. If dinner is lousy, I don’t get any dirty looks or snide comments. I choose what I want to watch on T.V. – when we’re done watching the Disney Channel. I hang pictures where I want. I rake the leaves if I want, or not. I don’t make the beds every day. ( I never have understood that custom. You get out of bed, you eat breakfast, get dressed, go to work or school, come home, do homework, eat dinner and go to bed. No one is there all day to notice that the bed is made. What is the point?)
By now you are thinking I am a slob. I’m actually organized and kind of tidy. But my priorities are different now. After work and school, we work on homework, throw the football, make some birthday cards, eat dinner together, play cribbage or CandyLand. We talk about our day. We commiserate and plan and laugh and drive each other crazy. We enjoy each other and appreciate being together.
And, yes, we do clean the house together. The kids are wonderful about helping because there isn’t the pressure to make everything perfect. Usually we tackle things when I know someone is about to stop by. Then I say, “Okay you guys, go into the livingroom, and if there’s any of your stuff in there, find where it lives.” Then Jenny will usually say, “Are we doing that thing where we pretend like we aren’t messy?”
If I had to suggest a housekeeping tip, it would be this: Make the decision to keep a different house, not the narcissist’s house.
Tags: divorce, life, narcissism, narcissistic behavior, proactive, survive
