The other night I really yelled at Jenny. Yes, it is only January, and I have already managed to remove myself from contention for Mother of the Year – 2010. That didn’t take long. Truth be told, I probably committed my first infraction on January 1st.
Jenny is a selective eater. In Jenny’s case, ‘experimental eating’ means anything other than PBJ, chocolate milk, mandarin oranges and finely grated cheddar cheese. I had put a bowl of homemade soup in front of her. I will say that at least she tries what I present. She doesn’t whine. She has a couple bites and then politely asks for something that she will actually eat. This particular night, I blew a grommet. I lost my temper. I know all the psychological damage that can be caused by making an issue out of food. I have my own fond memories of sitting at the table trying to gag down ice-cold canned spinach – like it’s any better when it’s warm.
I’m not proud to tell you that she ended up in tears. I was a jerk. After I made her a peanut butter and jelly, I apologized. I really apologized. I said, “Jenny, I am sorry.” I thought of saying any one of the following:
- “I’m sorry. I’m getting my period. I wish you would eat the damn soup.”
- “I’m sorry, but you frustrate the hell out of me and I just wish you would eat what I put in front of you.”
- “I’m sorry that you are so selective about what you eat.”
- “I’m sorry I spent all day making homemade soup, only to have you turn your nose up at it.”
Instead, I admitted that I made a mistake, and I simply said, “I am sorry,” without justifications, rationalizations or explanations.
All those lame attempts at apologizing are commonly found in the Narcissist’s repertoire. Other common examples of the Narcissist’s apology include:
- I’m sorry you are so sensitive. (If you weren’t so sensitive, what I said wouldn’t bother you.)
- I’m sorry you misunderstood me. (Perhaps you aren’t smart enough to get what I really meant.)
- I’m sorry you don’t appreciate my way of thinking. (Once again, it’s too bad you aren’t as smart as I am.)
- I’m sorry you feel that way. (That’s too bad you chose to get your feelings hurt by something I said.)
- I’m sorry that happened. (Bummer for you, but I didn’t do anything to cause that.)
Keep in mind that Narcissists never do anything wrong, therefore, they have nothing to apologize for.
A Narcissist might say something that sounds like an apology. If they are coerced, they might say something that addresses your hurt. Initially, you may even feel better. But, after close examination, you realize that the apology didn’t include a genuine admission of any wrong-doing. They may be sorry about a situation, a reaction, or an outcome; but their apology does not include their acceptance of any responsibility for the hurt.
Narcissists go to great lengths to avoid apologizing.
The Narcissist will cross the road to avoid apologizing.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, humor, life, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
