Maybe I’m the Narcissist?
I’m the one writing this blog.
Could be I’m every bit as narcissistic as my wasband.
That thought used to keep me awake at night.
I’ve taken the tests. I’ve read the books. It’s not lost on me that with as much time as I spend writing and thinking about my life, I could be every bit as narcissistic as he is. Add to that the fact that I’m putting this all out there for the world to see. But I have enough experience in, and knowledge about, NPD to know that I’m not the narcissist.
I sleep well.
Writing this blog has been the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I started out venting, spewing, rationalizing and explaining. Now I see that writing this blog has been instrumental in helping me move on. There are fewer days when I wallow in the “poor me”; and a lot more days when I marvel at how far the three of us have come.
Along the way, some amazing people have commented on this blog. There are strong, brave, brilliant people out there who have struggled with narcissism, and they are taking their own steps toward moving on.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for listening.
It’s good to be heard.
Tags: all about me, child of narcissist, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
Blogging reminds me of attending a professional conference. It’s always refreshing for one reason or another. 1) You hear about things you are doing already and you feel validated – you feel like you really might be doing a good job! or 2) You hear people (other people at the conference or actually speakers) admire the problem and you feel like you aren’t alone – you know those are problems you haven’t been able to work through in your own setting, but for some reason it feels good to hear that others haven’t solved those problems either.
Thank YOU!
I love reading your blog. I check it several times a week(…………uh, actually every day), (……….um, actually several times a day!) and I’m always disappointed if there isn’t anything new to read.
As I’ve mentioned to you, I have a marked reluctance to put myself out there like you do. But in reading your blog, I’m realizing that I could do something like this and I am actually getting closer to making a commitment to a NAME for my blog! Truly a huge step for me.
I appreciate reading about all of your healing steps, and I celebrate with you.
If you’ve ever questioned whether you are a narcissist, then you aren’t. A true narcissist would never do that!
Love your blog! Thank you so much for writing what so many of us have experienced and are also thinking and feeling. It’s a pleasure to check in and see when you’ve posted something new. Take care.
Lisa,
You make a great point. It’s nice to hear from you again.
Jesse
My husband was very verbally abusive to me. Yes he is a narcissist. I left him 10 months ago. We are getting a divorce. Your writings have helped me enormously. Thank you soooo much for doing this — for all of us.
Phyllis, I admire your courage. Thank you for writing. I only hope that you find some comfort in knowing that we survivors know how you feel.
Jesse
How do you survive this…..daughter has been divorced 5 years and tonight is in mediation with her ex, narcissist. The 10 and 13 yr old children are just collateral damage….His only solution to anything is to have custody of the children…He is exactly what is listed as a Narcissist…and he had multiple affairs during their marriage and took all of the money….told her she never did anything for the children except prevent harm, he never wanted to marry her….and he’s very vain….body builder..
I know what you mean about thinking that you are the self obsessed, dysfunctional one and not the other way around..I mean, I am the one obsessing over this – Reading researching, thinking! While my significant other doesn’t have a problem leading a normal life in the outside world! But deep inside I know it’s not that way and I have just found the courage to tell you that this blog is helping me gain strength more than anything else I could have known..so thank you! What I really wanted to say was that Reading through your blog I have noticed what an amazing gift you have for writing..I would like to say that i hope you know that it’s a God given gift and an art itself that I hope you treasure..because it is also something that I would have liked to pursue, but was pushed into law instead (a more suitable profession!).. But then I don’t know whether that also means I am narcissist for valuing my judgment of your blatant talent….hopefully not, it was meant with the best of intentions.. And I think it is only right to say so.. X
Nicki,
Your comment really made me laugh.
Thank you for the kind words about this blog and my writing.
The conundrum about discovering narcissism is that it made me particularly self-conscious about whether I might also be narcissistic. I ere on the side of complete self-deprecation in an attempt to not get any where near the narcissistic end of the spectrum, and then I fear that approach may also be a form of narcissism.
Ugh…
See what I mean?