“So how are you? Really.” The three of us went for coffee and biscotti at my aunt and uncle’s a couple days ago. They had been out of town when things came to an end with John. She wanted an update. After I gave her the nutshell version, I had a question that I was apprehensive about asking. I wanted to know if my wanting to sometimes be a priority in a relationship made me a narcissist. I can trust her to be honest with me. She didn’t even hesitate and said, “I know that you understand that it is a balance. Once in awhile, you are the priority, and then it will be his turn to be the priority. But yes, you deserve to occasionally be the focus, and that doesn’t make you a narcissist.” Whew! And because I liked her answer, I will assume that she is right.
I explained that I have always felt like I hold up residence on the back burner in relationships. Jenny was partially listening in on this conversation. She jumped down from her chair, came over to me and intently looked at me with her big blue eyes. We were nose to nose and she said, “Mom! You should be the noodles, and he should be the water, and you should both be in the same pot on the front burner.”
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, humor, life, love, narcissistic behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
At dinner with friends the other night, I told this story almost word-for-word the way you posted it. Our friends were amazed at Jenny’s ability at her age to form that analogy. And nose to nose she was!
It makes me cry. Dear sweet child…
I just hope she remembers when it’s her turn.
That kid is SMART. She will probably write a very good, excellent blog when she grows up. I am sure both the children are very talented. And nice, too. I am so happy that you have them for friendship, companionship, etc.
She IS one smart cookie…but…when it is her turn, she has you to be there to tell her that exact same thing in case she forgets.