Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne

This is the calm before the storm. Or is it? After Mark’s last email to Will, we have not heard much from him. It has been quite pleasant around here. Although, there is a part of me that wonders what’s coming next.

Will received that lengthy, mom-bashing, blame-laying, ‘your life wouldn’t be what it is today without all the sacrifices I’ve made for you’ email on the day before Father’s Day.   Jenny and Will opted not to call him.  On the evening of Father’s Day, Mark left a message asking only to talk to Jenny. Jenny begrudgingly returned his call on Monday. It sounded like Mark was actually asking detailed questions about her weekend. He did not ask to talk to Will.

On Tuesday, Mark called, and this time asked to talk to Will. He had some story about his neighbors, to relay to Will. He ended the conversation by saying, “Hey, I’m floating the river tomorrow. Do you want to come?” He didn’t discuss the email, or Will’s lack of response to his email. After Will got off the phone, he shook his head and said, “Dad is doing that thing where he is pretending that everything is fine.”

Will didn’t go floating with Mark.

I answered the phone on Thursday. Mark asked if the kids were home. I held up the phone and said, “You guys, it’s your dad.” They both looked at me, shook their heads, and whispered, “NO! We don’t want to talk to him.” Instead of forcing them to talk to their dad, I said, “Mark, neither one of the kids wants to come to the phone.” He sternly said, “Okay. Goodbye.”

He didn’t accuse me of preventing them from getting on the phone. He didn’t say, “Let me talk to them anyway.”

Mark had written lengthy emails to my mom. Mom told him she would respond when she got back from vacation. I believe Mark thinks mom is in his camp.  I believe Mark thinks he might be able to get admiration and adulation from mom – another potential source.   He is confident that mom sees how all of this is my fault. He is positive that my mom will respond with, “Yes, Mark, I will get Jesse to see things your way. We can’t let Jesse’s ‘problems’ get in the way of your relationship with your kids.”

The other night I read the letter that mom penned in response to Mark’s emails.

She wrote things that I do not have the guts to write.  She wrote things that have needed saying for a long time.  She addressed each attack in his emails, point-by-point.   This wasn’t a ‘my daughter can do no wrong’ letter.  This was a letter that clearly explained that  Mark’s failed relationship with his kids is about Mark.  It is not about Jesse, or Will or Jenny.

She brought up NPD, and Mark’s specific narcissistic character traits that make it impossible for him to have healthy relationships.

After reading the first paragraph, I looked at her and said, “My God, mom, you went to bat for me.”

So many years of living with a narcissist have taught me never to expect anyone to defend me – not even my mom.

Mark will receive this letter today.

You’d think that all this experience with Mark – his knack for manipulation, his ability to charm his way out of any situation, his desperate need to control, his way of continually contradicting himself – would give me some clue as to what his response may be.

Part of me thinks he won’t read beyond the first damning paragraph.  Part of me thinks he’ll chalk this letter up to another incompetent woman who just doesn’t see how brilliant he is.  Part of me thinks he might try to play the lawyer card again.

I don’t know if we are enjoying what may be the calm before the storm.

I don’t know if the other shoe is about to drop.

I do wonder if that other shoe is made of concrete.