he’d quit insisting that it’s about wanting to see the kids more, and just admit that he wants to funnel less of his money in our direction.- he’d be honest and admit that he wants to modify our decree to better suit his schedule and financial picture.
- he’d realize that if he had a significant other, he wouldn’t have to harass us.
- he would get a significant other.
- he’d fall off a tall bridge into a shallow creek.
- I could quit letting the uncertainty of the outcome of this latest wrinkle put me in a crappy mood.
- I’d remember the blessings and bright spots instead of letting the fear cloud everything.
- we could move far away without the threat of someone trying to track us down.
- everyone in my family believed I was a genius for making the choice to home school Will and Jen.
- we’d actually had a summer and we weren’t already heading into winter.
- I could persuade Will to spend more time golfing and less time skateboarding.
- I hadn’t wasted so much time encouraging my kids to call or see their dad.
- I could get the book done, sell a kgillion copies and tell Mark where to put his child support.
- I didn’t have to spend my money to get us out of another mess with Mark.
- all the people I love would never be dealt any more than they can gracefully handle.
- the highly recommended attorney would return my call.
- I could wake up and not have to think about Mark.
- I could get Jenny to eat whatever I cooked.
- the three of us were invisible.
*Jenny was planning her Halloween costume. She gathered the pieces and then deliberately placed them on the living room floor. I had to take a picture. I kept looking at the outfit resting there, waiting for someone to put it on. Suddenly I thought, “That’s it! If we were invisible, he’d never be able to bug us again.”
What are your if onlys? Humor me, please. I could use it. ;)
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, humor, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, school, survive
If only….
I would have waited and listened to my heart.
I had some guts…
I could say what I want to say.
I could have some time back to have a do-over.
My mom was still here.
I would have moved when I should have…
I/we would have gotten Em help with her eye…
No humor here… but… If only we could get on a plane and get the ____ out of here… I’ll let you finish that line….. :) xoxo
Annie,
If only…
I could eat ONE Lay’s Potato Chip.
Red wine didn’t give me a headache.
and…
everyone had a dear friend like you.
;)
If Only….
* I had a horse.
* I had my own house.
* I was enlightened.
* I was an only child.
* My eyes were 20/20+.
* I knew what the frick I was here for!
* I owned a tropical island.
* What I liked to eat was healthy.
* Etc. Etc. Etc.
* :)
Donna,
HellOOOO… you have to be one of THE most enlightened people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.
Just saying ….
* The book would sell a kgillion copies, and I could pay off all the debt the loser left me with, and secure my kids future :-)
If only……
S x
Sarah,
I just bought my copy of your book, “Web of Lies: My Life With A Narcissist”. I’ve been wanting to get it. No better time than now.
All the best…
Jesse
Aww, thank you Jesse!
I hope you ‘enjoy’ it. I’m sure you’ll be able to relate.
S x
Sarah,
I’m anticipating a spike in my blood pressure while reading, but still…
There’s nothing quite like the commiserating with, or reading about, another survivor.
If you need any help/encouragement with your writing, let me know.
It’s hard to write it down, but hugely therapeutic. Once you get past the first few chapters, it spills out. That was my experience anyway.
S
x
Sarah,
What a kind offer.
Thank you so much. ;)
My blog writing has been very therapeutic for me. I can only imagine what the book would do.
Jesse
If only…
– they wouldn’t demand I change while they do nothing
– they didn’t get angry when i cried
– they had friends
– they had hobbies
– they had more than me
– they didn’t resent me constantly
– they didn’t hate each other
– they would just forget I exist
– they had taught me how to love
Thank you for not closing comments on this post. You’re a very brave soul.
Robin,
Thank you for sharing here.
I sincerely hope you have someone close to talk to.
Be well.
Jesse