After six months of almost daily, intense togetherness, he told me he didn’t like seeing me in skirts and boots.
I thought it was sweet that he felt comfortable enough with me, to feel that it was okay to tell me that he’d like me to change my wardrobe.
After we’d been together eight months, he started saying derogatory things about my family and friends. I’d start to gently defend my peeps, and he’d try to convince me that his view was accurate.
I thought he wanted the best for me. I thought that since he was so amazing, maybe his view of my family and friends was accurate.
He didn’t like to go out to restaurants, go to movies, or spend money on entertainment. He would question my purchase of a book, CD, or magazine.
I thought it was refreshing to be with someone who was so financially aware and responsible.
He would ask me to cook his favorite entree, and then tell me how he could make it better.
I thought it was great to have a partner who wanted to spend time with me in the kitchen.
When I tried to share my knowledge of marketing, hoping to help his business, he told me that I couldn’t possibly know anything about running a business.
I thought, that since he’d been running a business for nine years, he must be the expert. What could I possibly know?
He spoke poorly of his ex-wife and told me that she was the main reason that his boys were non-productive, indecisive weak men.
I thought that it was a crying shame that these two boys had such a fine man for a father; and I believed that one day – if they were lucky – they would grow up to be like him.
He told me he didn’t have any friends because he couldn’t tolerate others that weren’t as smart as he was. He couldn’t stand the thought of spending time with a person who wasn’t as capable and competent as he.
I thought I was so incredibly fortunate that this smart, capable, competent man felt I was worthy enough to spend time with.
He didn’t have much to do with his extended family, saying that they were all dysfunctional misfits.
I thought it was a testament to his character that he could come out of such a troubled childhood completely unscathed.
What was I thinking?
Tags: divorce, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD
Thank God you woke up and smelled the coffee! You make a dang good cup. You don’t need anyone – and especially not him – to tell you how to do it better. I’m glad you know that now.
ME, too.
Don’t beat your self up, we fell for him too. Basically had the same thoughts that you did, wow were we lucky to have such a great guy for a friend. LONG – SIGH…. We were all duped… There always has to be something in it for him.
So glad you got out when you did…
xoxo
Annie,
Charm and charisma are the masks of the narcissist.
Combine that with the survivor’s need to believe that they are worthy of such a seemingly wonderful person, and it’s damn hard to get away.
Word for almost word. It’s almost funny, that in all our collective Ns likenesses, we would find ourselves sharing as many similarities?
I’ve often wondered if I (or we) have targets on our backs for maltreatment….
Kristin,
I used to wonder that.
Now I prefer to think that we are extremely caring… to the point of thinking we can help them heal.
Yeah. My bleeding heart has frequently been ripped from my chest and stomped on. What else to do, though, turn off my compassion for others?
Nah. He took away a lot of things, (none I can’t get back)…but compassion isn’t one of ’em…..
……….
…..unless you count my compassion for him :)
K,
Ha!
It’s your sense of humor that will see you and yours through this.