It’s still dark. I can barely make out the fog hanging over the park. Kids are still snuggled in cozy beds. After making my first cup of coffee, I light the fire and sit to cruise web sites and formulate a blog post.
Suddenly our cat jumps up on my lap.
She kneads for a bit, changes position, snags my robe with her claws, looks me in the face and sniffs my coffee.
I could put her down, but I don’t.
She wants to soak up some of my body heat. It’s really cold this morning. I love this patient cat. She’s inconveniencing me like crazy, but she’s a sweetheart and I can’t put her down.
I have to control the cursor with my opposite hand. I can’t really RT any of my favorite posts without a bit of clumsiness. Anything I’m reading has to be higher on the screen so I can see it over her back. Manipulating the touch pad with my left hand is awkward.
I read a few more posts on some great blogs while she purrs contentedly on my lap.
Before too long, I realize that I no longer notice the clumsiness of my left hand on the touch pad. The sacrifice I made for her comfort has stopped being an issue. In fact, I’ve gotten quite fluid with both hands.
She’s happy and I’m happy.
I made a small sacrifice for love, learned something new, and both of us were able to coexist in this cozy moment with my having to make only a few minor adjustments. Of course, she made adjustments, too. I moved her butt off the keyboard, so I could type when I needed to. She wasn’t thrilled, but she didn’t try to sit on the lap top again.
I thought of the sacrifices I’ve made for my kids, and those they’ve made for me.
Jen doesn’t want anything in the morning, but warm chocolate milk, and 15 quiet minutes to “ease in” to her day. Even though it feels weird to me to leave her alone, in the dark living room with a blanket and her chocolate milk, I allow her that right after she gives me a hug and says, “Good morning.”
She concedes on the morning greeting, I concede on the ease in time.
Will wants to visit the minute his feet hit the floor. He wants to talk skiing, snowboarding, the day’s plans, menus and more skiing. He wants to play cribbage. He wants to get going. I tell him I need three sips of coffee before I can handle all that.
He concedes on the three sips, I concede on the visiting and crib, even though I’d rather sit alone in the dark with my lap top and do my own easing in.
All three of us (four with the cat) make small sacrifices for each other. That’s how we love each other. Maybe they aren’t sacrifices, so much as adjustments. ‘Adjustment’ sounds more palatable than ‘sacrifice’ – less daunting.
Most days I’m not aware that I’ve made those adjustments. These new routines are part of my way of being in this life with my kids.
__________
I’ve learned to manipulate the touch pad with my left hand. A new tool is added to my tool box.
Now to get the cat hair off the keyboard.
What small adjustments could you be making to improve the comfort level in your relationships?
Tags: child of narcissist, life, love, Parenting
We always make adjustments for our kids, no matter what age they are. At least making adjustments for our kids isn’t like the adjustments made for ex-husbands or for some husbands, where he expected us to be someone we weren’t and we gave up who we were and things we liked to make him happy.
As moms, the adjustments made for our kids (which includes our pets) truly make us happy. To see our children grow, smile, laugh and want to tell us things feels really good and makes us smile.
My adjustment has been learning to let my adult kids do what they want and as hard as it is not give advise or tell them what they should do unless they ask. Even if they ask it’s better to answer with the question how do you feel about it. Most times they just need to know we are proud of them no matter what. They need to know that if they fall mom will always be there for them.
Something that always makes me smile is when I see my boys hug their special ladies and show affection. When they chose to spend time with them rather than do something else. They didn’t see that growing up, yet they know that’s how it should be. My beautiful soon to be daughters-in-law make my boys happy which, as a mom, I rejoice that they found their someone special. So I adjust to the fact that these two young women are the center of my sons world. I haven’t lost my boys I have gained two daughters.
I always tell them I love them and am proud of them. We always end our phone calls with I love you. I know what it’s like to need your mom and she’s not there. To be there and to adjust to every situation no matter how inconvenient it might seem at the time is the best gift we can give.
ADJUSTMENTS IN THE NAME OF LOVE ARE GOOD !
(As long as you don’t give up you to be someone you’re not.)
Kath!
Dang, woman! That is one fine comment. I know the adjustments you’ve made – and those you continue to make – all in the name of love.
You sound like the happy, centered version of yourself, in this comment. It’s nice to hear.
I can’t wait to meet those special ladies.
Just today, Will was invited to go on an adventure with his dad. He asked, “What should I do?” I answered with, “What does your gut say? What makes your heart happy? How did you feel about the invite before your head got involved and messed things up?”
Will has decided to go. I’m actually excited for him. I think he’s developed the tools to make the necessary adjustments. God knows he’ll be the only one making any. ;) But if that’s what it takes to spend the day outdoors with the only dad he has, then so be it.
Love this post. I too have a patient cat who I sometimes lose patience with. With two small children sometimes the demands of the feline variety just seem a bit too much to take. But she always gets my undivided attention at the end of the day when she curls up next to me in bed.
Reese,
Rita takes turns sleeping with the kids. They love it, and I am thankful that she snuggles them at night, and doesn’t find me.