Monday, I received an email from Mark. In the email he told me that Jen and Will are truly amazing children, and he thanked me for doing such a great job raising them.
I know.
Hard to believe, isn’t it?
Tuesday, Mark called to warn me that I’d be receiving a letter from his attorney in the next day’s mail. He had received a call from his attorney, saying the judgment was going to be mailed the next day. Mark had assumed the document had already been sent.
He wanted to assure me that nothing had changed.
I told him that I thought we’d all been getting along phenomenally well, and I asked if he felt the same way. He said, “Yes, I think things have been going well, but I’d like to see more of the kids, and I’d like them to come to my house.”
He explained that the document was part of the process, but that he didn’t expect anything to be changing any time soon.
A Notice of Entry of Judgment for an amended parenting plan arrived in Wednesday‘s mail. The new plan includes specific times for visits on set days of the week.
The plan was dated for the month of November in 2010.
Mark has not pushed to implement this new plan – a plan he assumed I had received in November.
He has been seeing the kids on a regular basis.
Is this just a formality?
I don’t understand why he would continue this legal process if he doesn’t intend to enforce the new plan? What is his motivation?
Perhaps he hasn’t attempted to enforce the new plan because, in the meantime, he has started a new relationship.
Now what?
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD
I was married to that guy! (Or a variation on the theme of N)
I did my best, kept my fingers crossed, and counted the days until each of my girls turned 18. We made it, and I believe you will, too.
Alyson,
I’m playing the cards I was dealt. The card for ‘complacency’ is not in my head. I keep looking, keep sorting the cards and putting them in different order.
Alas, the card that always comes out on top is the one labeled ‘unpredictable’.
WTH?? I swear this guy is nuts…. I guess we can keep saying 6 steps forward, 34,546 back… Hang in there!
Annie,
I think – can’t know for sure – that it all comes down to control. He can only go so long without, then he has to try to manipulate things/us again, to regain control.
A thought crossed my mind that maybe he is continuing the legal process so he could maintain the outward appearance that he is “fighting for” his kids – that he is fighting the legal system to get more access. Like he is the doting father who is trying his best to get increased time with his kids.
Maybe I am way out in left field but it is the only thing I could think of to explain this behaviour.
Reese,
That’s an excellent point. It would explain why he hasn’t enforced the new plan. It would also explain why he assumed I’d already received something – it’s about the appearance of wanting to see them, but not the follow through.
I haven’t come up with any other explanation for this weird turn of events.
I love your perspective.
Thanks. :)
I agree with Reese…. appearances are important.. YIKES!
Dee,
At this point, there hasn’t been any discussion of the new plan.
It looks like Reese pegged it – it’s all to make him look like he’s doing what a good dad would do.
It is exactly as Reese stated…he wants the world to think he is a fantastic dad. And possibly he has started a new relationship and he wants to appear to HER that he is an involved father. In the past my ex would see his kids sometimes 3-4 weeks apart and call irregularly but he has a new NS to impress so he is visiting and calling them all the time. It is all about the show. To put things into perspective i remember my ex used to say to me “i spend all my time THINKING about how to make you happy.” Narcissists LOVE to talk about how fantastic and caring they are but there is rarely any follow through…certainly not after they are done with the courting phase.
HELLO Cynthia!!!
You nailed that one. I really had to laugh because your comment sparked a memory – a conversation with my ex where I was questioning why he was never with family and always working.
He answered with, “You think I do this for me? You think I spend all my hours at work because I WANT to? I do everything I do for YOU! It’s all for you.”
Yeah. Right.
Funny timing about your comment, too. You are so right. Last night I learned that my ex – the man, who for 50 odd years, has ridiculed and maligned golfers – has decided to take up golf so as to spend more time with Will. Um… Will has been golfing for almost four years now.
What do you bet Mark’s new NS is a golfer?
Cynthia, welcome! It’s nice to see you here. ;)