Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne

It’s still snowing on top of eight fresh inches of dusty powder.  The only sounds are from the yips of elated skiers and boarders, or the carving of their boards as they pass by.  I’ve got all my layers on and my face is covered.  Will is in a class.  Jenny is appropriately bundled and capable enough to cruise behind me without my having to frequently check over my shoulder to see if she needs an assist.

This is the closest I get to unencumbered, but this is better because I’m having fun with my kids.  I’m not cooking for them, or folding their clothes or reminding them of their work lists for learning or refereeing disagreements.

We are in our element.

As my skis glide through wide, arcing turns, my lungs expand with deep breaths.  Each completed run acts like an eraser on the chalkboards in my brain.  As each chalkboard is wiped clean of to-do lists or my continual monologue of what I should be improving or doing differently, my mood improves.

When I’m not laughing on the chair with Jenny, I’m playing tag with her on a run.  In the lodge, we can be seen giggling with Will while we devour spicy tacos and deep bowls of chunky chili.  Will eagerly tells us of the jumps he finessed and the moguls he annihilated.  Jenny and I assure him that he’s not missing anything by not skiing with us, other than a game of tag and squeals of laughter on the chair.

We see other friends having lunch, we wave, and ask of their day.  We are surrounded by the sounds of hearty laughter, smiles framed by healthy red cheeks and good-natured bragging.

In 38 years of skiing, I’ve noticed a lot of similarities between life and a good day on the slopes.

1. Beware of braggarts.  I used to be intimated by someone who proclaimed to be an expert.  Over the years, I’ve noticed a correlation between bragging and level of ability.  If you have to talk about how good you are, you haven’t spent enough time on the slopes.

 

2. The older I get, the better I get.  My head gets out of the way, now.  I’m not preoccupied with looking stupid.  Now that I’ve been at it awhile, I don’t care about what the others think, and I’m skiing my best.  It turns out that my life is pretty darn good when I don’t compare myself to others.

 

3. I am at my best when I am surrounded by the best.  Hanging with excellent skiers challenges me to be a better skier.  Hanging with excellent folks in all areas of my life challenges me to be my best.

 

4. I can’t expect to be able to ski when I’m older, if I don’t take care of myself now.  My body needs to be physical.  Skiing once a week isn’t enough.  I need to be active, so I can continue to be active.

 

5. There are some people who manage to be cranky, even when they are doing something fun.  I avoid the cranky, whiny, chronically unhappy people when I can – on and off the ski hill.

 

6. I don’t have to be rich, thin or gorgeous to have fun skiing.  I don’t have to be any of those things to have a fabulous life, either.

 

7. I don’t have to spend a fortune to have fun skiing.  There is a lot of fun to be had in pining away for new skis, a fancier laptop, a nicer car, or better furniture.  Is any of that stuff going to measurably improve my life?

 

8. Challenges build self-confidence.  I can ski the same run every time, but when I change things up a bit and ski something new, I feel a surge of self-confidence.  The same can be achieved with learning a new language, going somewhere I’ve never been, meeting new people or starting a new hobby.

 

9. Some days I don’t feel like getting out of bed.  There are days when I’d rather not ski, but going through the motions gets my brain in gear.  A bad day skiing is better than a bad day at home.

 

10. Practice makes a difference. I’ve been practicing life a little longer than skiing. I’m always getting better at both. 
    Life does take practice.

 

11. I’m keeping my tips up. When I’m getting off the lift, and in my life in general, I have to keep my wits about me.  While it’s easy to get preoccupied with the busyness of life, I’m at my best when I’m aware of the relationships around me and my impact on those relationships.

 

12. It’s good to end the day with loved ones. There’s nothing like sitting in the lodge at the end of the day with the people I love most, sipping a beer, laughing at the runs we made and the jumps we missed, and appreciating how lucky we are that we all enjoy skiing (life) as much as we do.