Last night I was re-reading the book I’ve been working on. I’ve been excited to put this project together for you.
As I was reading, those crappy voices assaulted me – the ones that say, “Who the hell gives a shit about Jesse Blayne’s messed up choices? Who wants to spend two more minutes of their time reading about this woman? What difference does it make?”
So at 10:30 last night, I fired off an email to my aunt. She has read the book and offered some invaluable comments and suggestions. She is smart and wise and good. She’ll set me straight.
I asked her, “Is this book just a bunch of narcissistic B.S.? Is it going to help anyone?”
I went to bed prepared to rewrite the whole book.
__________
This morning I realized I’m doing it again – I’m worrying about what everyone else will think. My default position is to always head in the direction that others think is best.
The others might be my family, or the blogging experts, or the SEO gurus or the ebook generators or the bean counters or whoever else plants seeds of doubt in my already crowded, full-of-doubt brain.
So I did what I always do when I feel the need to take a flyswatter to all those doubts buzzing around in my head.
I started thinking about you.
I started thinking about what you are scared of.
I started thinking about the doubts buzzing around in your head.
You are the person I’ve been writing this book for.
Not the SEO gurus, the ebook generator people, or my mom or Kevlar Man or even my aunt, much as I love her.
__________
I’ve been scared before.
I’ll be scared again.
I’m not changing anything – except for some typos and the whole it’s/its thing – if I catch ’em all.
*Just as I was about to hit publish, I got a response from my aunt. The gist was this: “Don’t change a thing! Go Girl!”
Tags: humor, in search of self, life
Like your Aunt said: Go, girl!
We all hear those same voices and the challenge is to remember exactly what you did: who are we doing this for? Keep going. I need to read this book of yours!!
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
Go girl! I take my hat off to you. I’m in the process of doing the same thing and it is DAUNTING to say the least. It takes alot of time and effort to write a book, and at the end you kind of have to be ok with the idea that it might never be a huge success, but it might help someone – at least one person – out there. Still, daunting!
I’m sure it’s going to be a HUGE success. I’m rooting for you!
Teresa,
Thanks for the encouragement.
The hugs and butterflies are always greatly appreciated.
Anel,
Thanks!
That’s what I tell myself – on a daily basis. Whether with the blog or with this book, I’ll be fine if I’ve touched or helped one person.
Already, the blog has helped me and that has helped my kids.
Hey, can’t wait to “hear” how it goes with the no-talking challenge.
GO GIRL!!! vicki :)
“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.”
You’re facing it………you’re courageous x
vicki,
thank you, thank you :)
Tina,
I’m well acquainted with facing fear. It’s time I get better at it. ;)
So you feel scared. Good. At least you are aware of your feelings.
Now continue walking the direction you were walking, AND GET THE BOOK OUT HERE!!
Ok, sorry for being so forceful. :)
You are in the process of reclaiming parts of yourself through the writing/publishing of the book. You will find more pieces when you hit “publish”.
Congratulations!
Sometimes you just have to hit ‘send’!
Does it help to know we are all sitting on the edge of our seats waiting to read it? :)
You must know that you help me every day. During that small reflection time I allow myself to re-focus, I rely on your words.
It’s so easy to fall into that trap, isn’t it? I wrote a post a couple of months ago about anticipatory anxiety. It’s assuming things will go wrong right from the beginning. Why do we do that?
It’s harder to decide to think positively about what will happen. Harder, but worth it, I think :)
Donna,
Bwahahaha!
I’m getting quite comfortable with scared!
And you are so right – as usual – about the parts I am reclaiming.
I actually kinda like the stuff I’m finding out about myself.
Who knew?
;)
Zaira,
I’m not sure that helps…
When I visualize you sitting on the edge of your seat, I’m afraid I’ll see you fall asleep from boredom and fall on the floor.
But, I’ve made a pledge to myself to go ahead with this thing.
You have to know how much it helps that you check in as often as you do.
Thank you.
;)
Susan,
Thanks for writing.
Funny, I tell my kids – all the time – to choose their attitude. “Do you wanna be negative, or look for the positive?”
Thanks for the reminder!
Jesse,
I applaud you for being a voice and a safe place for so many, including myself, to find comfort, encouragement, and humor while in the midst of dealing with lots of pain.
To quote Churchill . . . ” . . . keep going.”
Thank you!
Lynn,
Thank you for the support and encouragement.
That’s what makes all this worth it.