“If you think this isn’t very hard, that’s because you have been steadily working on getting to this point this whole time.
If someone set us down in front of a block of stone and said, “Here, get going. Create a magnificent relief of a Goddess, and don’t get up until you’re done,” that would be daunting. But if that block of stone came with instructions to create a Goddess by chipping away a little each day, the project wouldn’t be quite as overwhelming.
The work we’ve done didn’t happen overnight. You didn’t just wake up and decide to get the clear picture, stand in the wind and dust on this plateau, stretch your arms and legs, fill your lungs with fresh air, and jump onto a new path.
This has been a long time in the making. Every choice and path correction has led to this point.
Now does it feel like this has been easy?”
“When you put it that way, no, it doesn’t seem easy. If I had known what to expect in the beginning, I’d have crumbled under the weight of it all, like so many pieces of the stone carving of the Goddess.
Perhaps it might have taken me even more time to get here.
By the way, do you really think we are creating a Goddess here? Maybe we‘re really a Goddess hiding in faded Levis and a too big t-shirt?”
“This is a process that can’t be completely understood until you find yourself in the middle of it – doing the necessary work.
No one tells you what to expect out of junior high school or dating or looking for a job or labor and delivery or menopause. Oh sure, those things are talked about, but it isn’t until you experience them that you have a clue.
We have to keep at it – keep chipping away. We are going to mess up from time to time, but we must keep moving forward.
As far as the Goddess thing goes, if that‘s what motivates you, fine.
How about being the best Jesse we can be. How about assuming from the get-go that we‘ve got some good material to work with here.
With a little chiseling and polishing, I think we could come up with something pretty good.”
— Excerpt from Seeing My Path.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, in search of self, life, love, narcissistic behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
You are already a Goddess. We all are.
We are Goddesses on a path of learning what it is to be a Goddess.
I love the point you make about chipping off one piece at a time.
I needed to plant some perennials in my flower garden that I had been enjoying in pots on my upstairs balcony. I also needed to go help Joe with some business stuff. Also had to give mini-mutt a bath because she ran away from me in our yard, and possibly had poison ivy on her. She also needed her daily walk.
Phew.
I just made a point (several times!) of calming down and doing what I needed to do in that moment. Then in the next moment I had another choice to make. Some things needed to be done today, others I could put off until tomorrow.
It all worked out in spite of my panic and overwhelm.
Thank You God(dess). :)
PS: And very happy belated birthday wishes to Will!! Hot diggety dog!
Donna,
Oh, I do hope mini-mutt is okay. ;)
I’m glad you commented.
Part of me likes the idea of us all being Goddesses.
Here’s the part I don’t like…
I have an aversion to expectations and labels. And Holy Moly!! there’s a lot of responsibility that comes with the label of Goddess. Yikes.
If I say I’m working on becoming or perfecting my Goddess-ness, then that means there are expectations that come with that… you know… like healing the sick, directing the weather and coordinating world peace.
Okay, not really, but the thing is I really believe in working on the best version of me, and right now, the only label(s) I want to work with is/are Jesse/mom/writer/daughter/friend.
I’m good with that. I think that’s all I can handle for right now.
Know what I mean?
Oh boy, do I know what you mean! How could you not get overwhelmed with expectations like those?
I do get what you are saying, Donna. We should all put ourselves on a pedestal because in our own unique way, we are to be adored and appreciated.
Goddess means to me….high maintenance and to be worshipped…I am not and never will be high maintenance. For me, there is a relation to dependency to be high maintenance and I value being self sufficient. I certainly don’t ever want anyone to worship me! I think this is my NPD baggage coming out….to separate who I am from those that want to be worshipped and doted on. Haha, but really, a Goddess is not something I strive to be. I appreciate myself and my attributes, but am happy just being me and doing the best I can every day.
Zaira,
I would like to know what it’s like to be desired, or maybe cherished, or even valued.
I don’t want to be worshiped, because I want to be able to mess up. I don’t want to have to be perfect.
Jesse,
When the right person comes around for you, you will know that you are desired, cherished, and appreciated. You will never wonder where you stand. You will be free to express yourself however you wish and he will hear you! And when you are not perfect, he will be there in whatever way you need him and it will not change a thing between the two of you. He won’t see you as a goddess, he will see you for yourself. I promise.
Zaira,
This made me cry.
I have always wondered if it might work that way.
Thank you.
Zaira, you’re right on the money!!