They said, “How bad can it be? He doesn’t beat you. He doesn’t gamble. He isn’t gone every weekend. You have a nice home. How bad can it be?”
They said, “You know, it’s not easy being a single mom. There will be lonely nights. It’s a lot to handle by yourself. Are you sure this is what you want?”
She said, “I don’t want to hear your reasons for leaving him. I think he’s wonderful.”
He said, “I thought you were the perfect couple. You looked like you were happy. Wasn’t he making enough money for you?”
And when I started this blog, they said, “You shouldn’t dwell on all this negative stuff. It just isn’t healthy for you or the kids. Leave all this toxic stuff behind you.”
…
After I’d been writing for over two years, and the kids and I had clearly grown and worked through a laundry list of issues, they said, “Well, where are you going to go with this now? You’ve survived. You’re thriving, even. You’ve clearly come out the other side and you’ve made great progress. Why are you still writing about surviving narcissism?”
__________
This morning I received an email. She said, “I saw the comment that came from another corner of the world. I see how many there are. I see how they all wonder if they might be crazy. I see how this impacts children. I see how this might help. I get it now.”
I knew she would.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, in search of self, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
It takes some people a little longer to “get it.” Whoever she is, I’m happy she did finally understand.
Pat,
Me, too.
I’m glad she kept reading!!!
I was reading a horrible fox news article today about a man who allegedly killed his wife 2 years ago and then when he was denied custody of his young boys last week, he blew up the house with him and the boys in it. As I was soaking in the details of HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!, the last statement of the article was given by his brother in law. It made me shudder and I haven’t quite yet recovered. It said, “”His world was falling apart around him and he was going to lose his boys and get arrested for xxx’s disappearance. He’s a narcissist and he has no love for anyone but himself.”
I have thought I was crazy for thinking something of this magnitude could happen in my world. As the crack in the cement grows larger, as the exposure heightens, in the midst of a movie role, could he? WOULD he?
Z,
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t stared at the ceiling, in the middle of the night, wondering the same.
Yes! A light on the path…
and Zaira I have been following the same story and my guts turned when I saw the news report. Narcissism=Coward. Is it wrong that I loathe the cowardice? I won’t say ‘hate’… I remember the moment I looked into his eyes and saw the pathetic, frightened, impudent, selfish victim…a rageful child in the body of a grown man; a dangerous weapon indeed.
If nothing else Jesse, this blog serves as a wonderful public service announcement. Read Books. Eat Vegetables. Beware of Narcissists! (dark humor, what can I say) :)
Elizabeth,
I like that. Might have to add one more:
Read Books.
Eat Vegetables.
Beware of Narcissists.
Remember to Laugh.
Read Books.
Eat Vegetables.
Beware of Narcissists.
Remember to Laugh.
Hug your kids….
Z,
Perfect!
p.s. Our little secret, k? I’m not telling Will and Jen that I didn’t think of that one. ;)
Read Books.
Eat Vegetables.
Beware of Narcissists.
Remember to Laugh.
Hug your kids….
Have a glass of wine and remember you are cherished and so worth being cherished!!!
I also want to add that the above story gives me chills and I too–have feared the worst and always pray for the best. I cannot understand how anyone can harm their own children, It makes me beyond sad.
Also, I recently went through my “favorites” and deleted references to verbal and emotional abuse and most of the sites I had marked on narcissism–because I am determined to let go of the stuff that has haunted me for decades and caused the kids and me so much pain. However, this blog is a keeper because it takes life with a N and turns it on its head with hope and humor and the knowledge that I am not alone in my struggles. Thank you Jesse for all you give and have given and to all of you who have shared your stories, triumphs, and heartaches. I am cheering for you and your beautiful children wherever you are!!
Lynn,
Yes! On the wine and the being cherished.
And geez… thanks for your kind words about this site.
I am also tired of the negative in all that stuff. We already know all that. That’s why I’m trying to make some lemonade here. Thanks for all your contributions.
The lemonade just keeps getting sweeter.
Lynn, I agree with your sentiment. It’s so good and healing to (one by one?) let go of our old crutches, tools, resources (I’m down to letting go of ‘crutch foods’ if that makes sense), BUT, this blog is so pro-active and full of life…it feels forward-moving and I like that.
P.S I will add Dark Chocolate to our little Do-List :)
P.P.S Lemonade and so much more. Thank you Jesse!
Elizabeth,
Can’t fathom how I forgot dark chocolate.
That’s why I so need you guys.
;)
I agree with you completely Elizabeth, and good for you for moving forward and letting go of whatever needs to float away.
Thanks for the lemonade Jesse! Even if sometimes life makes me feel like it needs to be Mike’s hard lemonade. (There is that dark humor again–it really does help! : ) )
Be well . . . laugh as much as you can!
Lynn,
I can totally relate on the Mike’s Hard Lemonade! ;)
Omigosh I remember hearing about the news report Zaira mentioned when I was in Supervision last year. It literally made every hair on my body stand up. I worry about the effect my husband’s inability to stand up to the N in his life will have on our kiddos. But…because I’m the very stubborn person that I am and have set up MAJOR boundaries with the kids & the N (ie. if husband wants N to have the kids for a week then he has to go with them for everyone’s piece of mind) that will probably prevent things from ever getting that far. It’s one of those horrible fears that eats at you in the dark.
Oh and this….
Read Books.
Eat Vegetables.
Beware of Narcissists.
Remember to Laugh.
Hug your kids….
Have a glass of wine and remember you are cherished and so worth being cherished!!!
is why you ladies are the absolute first people I come to when the N gets to be too much. Thank you so much for accepting me into the circle of Thrivers. You are all wonderful people to be around!
Thanks, Jenn. Really… your comment warms my heart. I am so glad you are here.