that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do the only thing you could do —
determined to save the only life you could save. – Mary Oliver
Tags: in search of self, life, survive
S.O.S.
that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do the only thing you could do —
determined to save the only life you could save. – Mary Oliver
I love this…. Very profound.
NM,
I really like Mary Oliver.
‘Tell me now, what you will you do, with your one wild and precious life?” ;) That’s actually all I really know from her, besides the fact that she is a poet….but I like it.
NM,
That’s a favorite, too.
I only have a handful of poetry books. A friend gave me New and Selected Poems by Mary Oliver.
Sometimes I pick it up, fan the pages, randomly poke my finger in a spot and read. Whatever I land on always seems to address exactly what I’m going through at that moment.
Like right now I found this:
The Ponds
Every year
the lilies
are so perfect
I can hardly believe
their lapped light crowding
the black,
mid-summer ponds.
Nobody could count all of them —
the muskrats swimming
among the pads and the grasses
can reach out
their muscular arms and touch
only so many, they are that
rife and wild.
But what in this world
is perfect?
I bend closer and see
how this one is clearly lopsided —
and that one wears an orange blight —
and this one is a glossy cheek
half nibbled away —
and that one is a slumped purse
full of its own
unstoppable decay.
Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled —
to cast aside the weight of facts
and maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking
into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing —
that the light is everything — that it is more than the sum
of each flawed blossom rising and fading. And I do.
~ Mary Oliver ~
Beautiful. I love books like that. Magic books, there you go, there’s some understanding. <3
This is beautiful Jesse! I am so looking up this poet! Thank you!!
Sounds like Mary Oliver is in recovery…
Just like the rest of us.
Good to know!
Donna,
Recovery – another aspect of the human condition?
Yep, recovery. Just when you think you’ve “made it” you realize; you still have a loooong way to go. :( Big hugs to all!
NM
NM,
Maybe the trick is recognizing that it’s about the working on ourselves, and not so much about the arriving at a finished version.
Absolutely agreed. I don’t hope to be perfect, just whole? Setbacks are never fun, I guess….
I hate that feeling of “I’ve got this, I’m good, I’ve grown, I’m stronger” that immediately turns into “I think I’m going to throw up” as soon as you see your Ns name in your inbox. Blech.
I’m just feeling like I’m less far than I thought I was today.
“Tomorrow is another day.”
NM,
I so know what you mean.
There are those days when I want to yell to the Universe, “I learned from this lesson, already, let’s move on!!” But clearly, I have more to learn. *sigh*
Yes. I had a realization last night, and saw that, I’ve been looking back on it as I was this good person that was taken advantage of. But the truth is, I should have been better, too. I went along with so much, and I allowed myself to be damaged. I should have done better. I screwed up, too. And feeling sick when you see someone’s name, just makes you realize…. I allowed her to have a say in who I was, in my character. I let her abuse me. I let her words and actions impact my sense of self. I have a lot of responsibility in this, that I have yet to deal with.
I still hate the thought of her stalking me online. Now she’s following me on Pinterest & there’s no way to block people on there. I feel all over again like my boundaries have been squashed, like my needs don’t matter. I refuse to feel guilty for walking away from an emotionally abusive relationship. But it’s the realizing that I should have done better for me. Is that narcissistic?
NM,
HELL NO! There is healthy, productive, constructive self-awareness and there is narcissism.
You know as well as anyone that it’s a bumpy road out of that mess. Bumpy and long and tedious and seemingly never ending. Once in awhile the road rises up and we get a better view of where we came from and how much farther we have to go. Occasionally, if we are blessed, we enjoy good company on that walk, but mostly, we have to walk a long way by ourselves.
It’s okay.
Just keep walking, and quit worrying about her or her behaviors or her choices, because they are about her.
You’ve made such great progress. Pat yourself on the back and don’t beat yourself up for what you think you “should” have done.
Speaking for myself… Yes, I did contribute to my mess. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. It happened. I’ve learned from it. That’s all I can do. That’s all any of us can do.
You have your marriage, your children, your projects and yourself to focus on. Put your energies where they belong.
love ya ;)
Thanks, Jesse. I’ll be ok. Just upset today & very bothered by the fact that it still impacts me this deeply. Thanks a lot. Love ya, too. xoxo
NM,
I know you’ll be ok.
There’s lots of good company here for the long walk.
Yes there is. Good examples, too. For that I’m grateful.
xoxo
HUGS!!! You were there when I needed them. Some of those ups and downs on this roller coaster are little and some are big…you just never know if you are going to get the little thrill or the terrifying plunge! xoxo
Thank you so much, Zaira! Isn’t that the TRUTH? Great way of putting it, it really does feel like a roller coaster. xoxo