I steeled myself enough to peek over the edge of the covers. Audrey was staring back at me.
“This is kind of late for you, isn’t it Dear? Shouldn’t you be well into the morning’s chapter of reading by now?”
“I know, Audrey. I know. This is late. I’m hiding. I’m playing the role of the ostrich today.”
“I see. So because you received a call with some unsettling news on Saturday, and slumped around in a funk all day Sunday, you think what you really need to do today is sleep in and avoid the rest of the world?”
“Well… yes. I am going to fold my tent. I will fold it neatly and tuck it away. I’ll spend the day in bed with the covers pulled over my head and wait for everything to blow away in the wind.”
Audrey takes a long, delicate drag from the filter and exhales while staring back at me.
“What? What are you looking at? It’s my tent to fold if I want to.”
“Yes, dear. It certainly is your tent. I’m sure your children will learn quite a lot by watching the way you deliberately give up.”
I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head and said, “That’s not fair.”
“Listen to me, Dear. You’ve handled many things as difficult as this. You’ve handled them with grace. You’ve shown your children that you don’t have to buckle under pressure. Think back to how you’ve handled similar situations. What have you done to get through?”
“I don’t want to deal with this anymore.”
She gently taps the filter with a manicured nail to deposit ashes in the ashtray on her dressing table. “That isn’t an option, Dear. What else can you do?”
I sit up in bed so I can use my hands to emphasize while I yell at her. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ll be expected to do. I can’t fix this. This isn’t my mess to fix.”
“I know that, Dear, but if you act from a position of strength rather than weakness, you’ll get your power back. Tell them what you are willing to do. Don’t wait on pins and needles for them to tell you what they want or expect you to do. Darling, be proactive rather than reactive.”
She takes another drag and raises an eyebrow while saying, “You are going to get out of bed, aren’t you?”
I throw back the covers and say, “You know, you really should give up that nasty habit.”
“We’re talking about you, Darling.”
“So I’ll get out of bed. Then what? What do I say? What will I do?”
“Take a shower, Dear. Get cleaned up. Have some coffee. It’ll come to you.”
__________
While I was in the shower, the fog cleared. My wits returned. I composed the email. I made a plan for me, based on what I am willing to do. I clearly and politely stated what I will not do.
I had three strong cups of coffee.
I typed the email and proofread it.
I hit send.
As I walked back to the bedroom with a fourth cup of coffee, I felt my power return.
Was it my power returning, or was it caffeine surging through my veins?
Audrey heard my thoughts and said, “It’s not caffeine, Dear. Your power is back because you took action. You needed a couple days to process. That was long enough. You can’t let this be a setback. You mustn’t lose your momentum. You are capable of dealing with this in the same manner as past issues, and each time you do, you get stronger. ”
She pulled another cigarette out of the silver case on the dressing table and placed it in the end of the filter. “Now, isn’t it time you found a proper frame for me?”
Tags: a girl can dream, cuz I am Woman, humor, in search of self, proactive, survive
love, Love, LOVE THIS!!!
I’d love for people to get that we all have an “Audrey” if we just stop and listen!
I’m thinking I may need to get a picture of Audrey Hepburn to keep in my bedroom….. ;-)
Sandi,
I think we hear the message better if it comes from a different source, even though it originates with us. Know what I mean?
Jenn,
Michael’s – frameless – under $20. Best money I’ve spent in awhile. ;)
Oh, how many times have I been there? A few. Heck, more than a few. The strength to get up comes from somewhere (I don’t have Audrey either, but may also have to look for one!)…inside. You keep on keepin’ on, hon! And I love this conversation/inspiration! Muah!
Thanks, Zaira!
That’s what we do, right? We keep getting back up.
Jesse,
I cannot tell you how much I love this entry–wait–I AM telling you how much I love this entry. It made my day to read this. Thank you so much. By the way, I love Audrey Hepburn!! Any and all of her movies are terrific.
I will leave you with a quote of one of my favorite authors on faith and life. Take care of yourself! Good for you for putting one foot in front of the other and going forward!
“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.” ~Anne Lamott
Thanks, Lynn. ;)
Audrey was a class act with spunk and nerve. I like that about her.
Anne Lamott is wonderful, too. Have you read, Bird by Bird?
Thanks for sharing the quote. It’s perfect.
You are the first one to say let it go and live your life. Glad you had a pep talk to get you back on track. It’s all in how we handle it all. It’s so much easier to tell others to not let it get them down than it is to tell ourselves the same thing. We have no control over certain people in our lives, we love them and just keep moving on with our lives.
I always look forward to what you will write next!
Hi Jesse,
I have not read enough of her so thank you for the suggestion. I will check it out.
I really enjoyed PLAN B: FURTHER REFLECTIONS ON FAITH.
I hope your week is going well.
Peace to you and yours : ).
Kath,
I know you know…
Thanks for writing.
I’m gonna miss knowing you are close by.
Lynn,
These weeks seem to zoom by. I’ve got my head down, paddling as fast as I can, and every once and awhile, I look up and wonder, “Where is the time going?”
I hope you and yours are looking forward to a fun summer.
If you’re anything like me (LOL) your recovery time will become vestigial once your kids are 18ish. Really. You’ll see. ’cause there is evolution and through all of your work and growth you’ve made sure that they’d be even stronger than you.
Much love,
Alyson
Alyson,
I love seeing you here. I would write something smarter, but I am looking up vestigial and then I will write again. Help me. How does that word apply?
Alyson, that is brilliant and I hope so true!
Jesse, I had to look it up too! Here is the definition that helped me the most: “having attained a simple structure and reduced size and function during the evolution of the species”
As I understand it, the recovery time will be reduced as the kids get older and more independent because it is not as necessary as when you were primarily responsible for protecting them.
This is why I spend my “me” moments checking in here. The education is priceless. xoxo
Z,
Thanks for helping. God, I hope that’s true. But I must say, it does seem to get easier as they get older.
Alyson and Zaira, your input here makes a huge difference – not just in my little corner.
Thank you.
Glad you took your power back, too ;)
Not to sound like a broken record, but is this too an INFJ thing? To be an ostrich when the going gets rough? I talked to a friend the other night, I said “sorry, but April was difficult, I didn’t call anyone in April.” I do the exact same thing…. sometimes I just say to my husband “I need a day to wallow, order a pizza for dinner, and I’ll get back to cooking tomorrow.”
Audrey is the best! She was a lady, she was tough, she was strong, she was beautiful inside and out.
xo, NM
NM,
So glad to see you back here.
Maybe INFJs need to recharge their batteries more often? I dunno. But that sure seems to be the case for me.