This isn’t a bullet-point list of the ten proven steps you can take – tonight – to please your narcissist.
This isn’t the CliffsNotes Guide to convincing your counselor of your spouse’s NPD.
This isn’t the ultimate guide to finding an attorney who believes you when you try to convince her that your spouse’s charm is a ruse, and that he’ll take you to the cleaners, and trample his own kids on the way to the bank.
This isn’t the long-awaited recipe for a homeopathic remedy that you slip into your wife’s coffee in the morning in hopes she’ll come home, wrap you in her arms, apologize for treating you poorly, and promise to make you the priority you deserve to be.
This isn’t the iPhone app that supplies the snarky comebacks you wish you were quick enough to come up with to say to the narcissist in the next cubicle.
This isn’t the porthole to the oracle that – if you believe enough, pray enough and hope enough – reveals the magic incantation that you chant every night to make the next day survivable.
There is no magic.
There aren’t any helpful bullet points to memorize.
There isn’t a miracle potion to open his eyes to his disorder.
You cannot improve yourself enough to please them.
You cannot bend over backwards any more than you already have.
You ought to consider preserving any semblance of health that you still possess.
You can limit contact with the person in the next cubicle, your aunt or your brother-in-law.
You can reach out to others who are experienced in dealing with narcissism.
Many of us have made the choice to leave.
Tags: divorce, in search of self, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
And this is the wisdom that drew me like a honey bee to your site. You can’t put it any better than you just did. I reminded myself again last night that the N in my life is not going to change and we just had to adapt as well as we can. That’s easier for me to accept than for my hubby since it’s his Mom and not mine, but you do have to develop a mantra in dealing with these people. “It is not my fault that the narcissist in my life can only see their reflection.” And of course, my personal favorite – “You have no power over me.” ;-)
This is so true in so many ways. Thank you for writing Jesse!
Leaping is so scary but so worth it in the end.
Thinking of you and yours . . . .
Jenn,
I like your mantras – a lot.
I’m thinking… “You have no power over me,” will be very helpful for Jenny and Will. They’ll be able to visualize that one.
Thanks. ;)
Lynn,
For me, the staying was much more frightening than the leaping.
Take care.