She sits in the glow of the computer screen, wringing her hands. It’s late – kids are in bed. She’d put her fingers on the home row and type, but she doesn’t know what to say.
She doesn’t know how to help.
She reads their words and feels their anguish. She senses the tightness in their chests. She hears the worries that keep them from sleep.
The instinct to want to protect their babies runs deep.
There is power in their anger. The strength required to control their anger makes them far stronger than most.
What could anyone have said to her to make a difference?
What would have helped her sleep at night?
What would have eased the tightening in her chest and the burn in her stomach?
__________
Earlier in the day, she’d come upon this quote:
I alone cannot change the world,
but I can cast a stone
across the waters
to create many ripples. – Mother Teresa
She closed her eyes and remembered back to the days when she felt desperate. Aside from having a friend or family member listen and good words to guide her, the thing that helped her most was imagery.
She’d taken to imagining a warm, enveloping light. The golden light would surround her, protect her and infuse her with the energy she needed to try again another day. The light isolated her from further hurts – even if only in her mind.
She hadn’t thought of the light in months. She hadn’t needed to.
Now maybe she ought to try to summon the light and project its powerful properties. Could someone else benefit from the same imagery? Could a wave of ripples generated by that image reach those in most need?
What if many imagined the light at the same time?
What if we all pictured a warm glow surrounding those in the trenches? What if the glow covered and protected the kids who get lost in the shuffle happening every day in court rooms?
What if the light gave survivors the stamina to make it through another mediation session?
What if the light eased their stresses and lessened their fears?
What could it hurt?
We are all connected.
Let’s try it.
Tags: a girl can dream, child of narcissist, communication, cuz I am Woman, friendship, proactive, survive
Just beautiful, totally made me cry (in a good way). Yes, we should definitely do this.
xo, NM
Yes, yes, yes! I do a similar imagery when I cannot sleep. I close my eyes and envision a completely blank, purely white wall. Sometimes it takes me a bit to get there and only a couple of times I couldn’t. I worried more when the small amount of white that I gathered had disappeared into the darkness like a light being snuffed out. I wasn’t really surprised because that is what I felt that entire day. Anyway, I love how you described the warm and embracing light. I will definitely use that one too. xxx
NM,
Thanks. I’m glad you’re on board. ;)
Z,
Oh good…. the ripples have started. Let’s keep ’em going.
For me, the search is praying … the light is God … Different words, same thing. I love you for helping others find their peace.
Pat,
Dontcha love how there is a different way for each, depending on our comfort levels?
love you, too ;)
Quakers have called themselves the Children of Light. If they seek God’s presence, they are to Stand still in the Light. Funny how things like water and light and air have such powerful significance for everyone of any and all beliefs.
I needed this light today. Thank you Jesse! I love the quote by Mother Teresa too. You write beautifully.
Thank you again and again . . .
Pat,
I like that those things – water, light and air – are all attainable. That leads me to believe that peace is attainable, too.
Lynn,
You have to know I was thinking of you and yours when I wrote this post.
Hugs
Yes–and I am deeply touched by your words and love. Thank you so much! There comes a point of release where I have to let go of all I cannot change. Just when I think I have let go enough, I am forced to do it again and deeper.
I love the image of being surrounded by light and warmth. I am going to work on focusing on that.
Warm wishes to you and yours : ).
Lynn,
Each new day gives us a fresh chance to try again. It’s like exercise – we have to exercise that “letting go” muscle. As much as I hate exercise, it gets better/easier the more I keep at it. Same with the letting go.
Take care.
That’s a great analogy. I’m going to remember that, since I always have to push myself to exercise. You’re right, it’s the same. Just instead of an activity, there is a surrender, just let it be. Love it! Really helped me today, thanks. :)
NM,
I skipped exercises yesterday, so that comment was as much for me. ;)
Glad it helped.
Yes–exercise–is right. I must be in the middle of one heck of a cardio-workout. : )
Peace to you and yours!
Lynn,
Maybe “Letting Go” could be the next exercise craze? It ought to be. ;)
I’ve discovered your site in the last few days. I’m drawing such calm from your pictures and words, in the midst of dealing with what I experience as yet another shocking rage from my son’s father. He tells me his “normal behaviour” is a result of “normal frustration”… his reaction to frustration is so far beyond normal and affects me and my son beyond anything I thought was possible before I got involved with him and had a child that he didn’t want me to have. After 5 years of getting help from a fantastic psychologist who helped me see what was going on – though she is too professional to ‘name it’ – I”m now able to focus on what I can control – my reactions, my behaviour towards him – though it’s a struggle everytime.
And in between times, when he’s raging at someone else and I’m the good guy, I question whether I’ve got it all wrong, that he really isn’t that bad. Fortunately I’ve documented over the years (though what an awful use of energy doing that is) and related it all to others, so I can be very clear about the lies, twisting, manipulation and all the rest.
I don’t like to spend energy telling people about him, it’s more important to me to spend my energy where it’s needed – being a mother to my child, enjoying my work and providing for my child, so I won’t go on – but thank you for this wonderful site that I’ve returned to many times since I discovered it last week, to draw strength from.
Just to add – since my psychologist said, 4 or so years ago (after a year of listening to me) that I was describing someone with a serious personality disorder, I turned to Dr Google and decided, based on the rages etc, that he had Borderline Personality Disorder. Because I know well he has a very, very low self esteem. I didn’t even bother reading about NPD because of that. But when I did – WOW. All the hallmarks, potential causes, etc etc. Textbook case. And what strikes me is how uncannily similar the behaviour is, from all the descriptors from all sources. It’s so obvious it can be called a “disorder” when the symptoms are so consistent between individuals. What I don’t get is how it isn’t more widely recognised, eg. in the family law process.
Bea,
Thanks for writing. I’m glad you found us.
That’s a crazy trap “they” set… when they direct their anger at another, they return to being the person we fell in love with, and then we begin to doubt our fears. I still re-read old blog posts to remind myself of what he’s capable of, so that I don’t start doubting all this again.
When I discovered NPD, it was like a glove that fit perfectly. There was no other disorder that so closely defined him. Yeah, it is eery how they all seem to speak from the same script. And yet, so many of the professions overlook narcissism or don’t take it seriously. I don’t understand that either.
I hope to see you here again. There’s lots of comfort to be found amongst those who know exactly what you are dealing with.
My best to you and your son.
There is a bit of media around NPD right now. Dr. Phil is slapping us in the face with his interpretations and depictions of those with NPD, but I am hoping that he gets it right eventually. I think his second episode is in response to the outrage from the first so I think it is important to keep talking and putting it out there. The courts don’t think about much unless you spell it out in a firm argument and have been assigned a judge that will listen.
It is exhausting to keep dredging up all the craziness, but somehow, it is also therapeutic. Especially when you are amongst those that really understand and have similar (if not the SAME!) experiences. xx
Z,
I saw a clip of that Dr. Phil episode. I am not commenting because I won’t be able to do so without losing my composure. ;) I remind myself to consider the source.
I do believe narcissism is pervasive, and those with NPD are adept at silencing their sources. When enough of us speak out, the tide will slowly turn.
Sadly, that source is watched by millions every day. :(
And you are right…the outward image, or the fear of it, silences so many.