Dear Narcissist,
We resign as caretakers.
We will no longer protect you, make excuses for your behavior or come to your defense. We will not sweep your abuses under the rug. We will not pretend like your treatment is acceptable.
We will not allow you to manipulate us or control us.
You will not hurt us again.
We will not feel sorry for you.
I will not coach your children on what to say to you in order to keep the peace. I will point out your behaviors to make sure that the children understand that they are not to be blamed for your mistreatment.
We will not cater to you, tiptoe around you or deal with your mood swings.
We will not allow you to make us feel inferior.
We are good enough.
We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.
We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.
We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.
Signed,
Jesse, Will and Jenny
*Survivors,
You may be thinking that by now we would have successfully moved on. Just yesterday I heard myself coaching Will on what not to say to his father over the phone. After almost seven years, I still fall into the trap of protecting the narcissist.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, front lines, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive, the power in writing
You didn’t fall, you tripped – and then picked yourself up and moved forward. We all trip sometimes. Kudos to you for recognizing it and getting back on the right track.
I think I want to read this to the N at our next parent coordination meeting! And I will add…
I will no longer pay someone for your inability to communicate!
I will no longer pay someone for your inability to communicate!!
I will no longer pay someone for your inability to communicate!!!
Sprung,
Thanks. I like the way you put that. It’s easier to recover from a trip than a fall.
Z,
That’s maddening. Think of all the money thrown away because of them.
Really love this letter. And SprungAtLast’s trip metaphor so great when dealing with N’s. The experience with the N in my life has shown they are master manipulators and will never, ever apologize freely for anything they do. <3 that you are raising your kids to be aware of the N and to be themselves no matter what.
Jenn,
Thanks. It’s always nice to see you here.
Yeah, waiting for an apology from a Narcissist is an exercise in futility. Better to wait for the stars to align.
Were it my letter, I’d add: “I will no longer engage in dramatic and unnecessary arguments that suck the life force out of me and prevent me from being a loving woman to those in my life who really care for me, simply because you enjoy fighting. More than that, you enjoy winning. No matter how many times you personally insult me, no matter how many times you call me “coward” for refusing to interact with you, I will not respond. I will not play into your manipulative games. I will walk away with my head held high because this battle with you was never mine to fight.”
Great posts, Jesse :)
NM,
Your comment gave me chills.
By the way… that spine looks beautiful on you. ;)
why thank you! ;) Yours is quite lovely as well:) I think they grow stronger every day, just like a tree.
xo, NM
NM,
Yes, a strong, healthy tree that supports us and our kids until they develop their own strong spines.
Love it, NM! I can imagine one saying this, calmly, confidently, with resolve as she leaves the room…
Yes, and then she LOCKS the damn door behind her! ;)