Dear Jesse,
I like how you set out to read more and then started reading more. I watch you walk into the library. I know you are planning to look for some fantasy fiction or maybe a good mystery. I see you standing in front of the ‘New Books’ section. I see your eyes scanning the shelves. I watch as your hand reaches up to grab yet another non-fiction about narcissism or relationships or parenting.
Dear heart, you’ve read enough. You’ve seen the patterns. You know that the reason you keep ending up with narcissists in your life is because that’s what you learned as a kid.
Yeah, I know you are gun-shy about getting into a new relationship. That’s certainly understandable. All the reading in the world won’t prepare you for the next time. Your heart will know when it’s time. I can’t tell you how a new relationship might turn out. That’s not my job. It’s your job to get out there and keep trying.
When you are ready to try again.
Take your time.
__________
In the meantime, I need to gently remind you that it isn’t all about you.
Whoa!
I saw your knee-jerk reaction. I knew you weren’t going to like that last statement. I know you’ve been thinking, “Dammit, when DOES it get to be about me?” Be patient. You know that this path is the right one.
The reading and writing and working and struggling – it’s as much about Will and Jen as it is about you. Do you see that?
When you read those books to try to find out why you end up with a narcissist, that’s me showing you that those patterns are real. Those patterns exist.
I knew you’d see the big picture. I didn’t know which book would make the light bulb go off. I didn’t know which morning you’d wake up and take the long hot shower that would clear your head enough for you to see. (I guess it was this morning.)
It was my job to keep putting books in your path. It was my job to put folks in your path who would share. Those same folks listened. As the books were read and the thoughts were shared you got a better handle on the big picture.
The way you show love to Will and Jen is the most important thing you can do for them. You see it now, don’t you!? Will and Jenny will go out into this world with all sorts of plans and goals. Their unconscious minds will largely be oblivious to those beautiful plans. The goal of their unconscious minds will be to find a partner who shows them love the way they are shown love right now.
I know. I know. That’s a lot to take in.
Take a breath, Jesse.
Show them the love you want them to find.
Signed with love,
The Universe
Tags: a girl can dream, child of narcissist, communication, gentle reminders, in search of self, love, Parenting
I swore that after my last assignment was turned in, I wouldn’t read anything other than the good historical fiction I have accumulated. I look at my kindle library and want to open up an INFJ leadership book…because, you know, it’s useful! So I look on my nightstand and want the one on the bottom…Children of the Self Absorbed. I will relax eventually, right?
I am so glad the Universe talks to you so I get the message too. xx
Z,
I just hope the Universe keeps talking to me.
I have that same book on my nightstand.
About relaxing… I’m trying to find a way to keep learning and keep growing while allowing myself opportunities to relax. That’d be good for kids to see. Not there yet…
I had so many things to do yesterday and I did nothing. It was good to clear my head. Now I can get back to it! :)
The Universe has great wisdom. Keep listening…
Z,
Ah… the power in doing absolutely nothing.
When I allow myself, my recipe for self-care looks a lot like that – no to-do list, no where to have to go, no one coming over, and something to read.
Pat,
I love it when you are here.