My aunt sent me an email a few days ago. Seems my brother had been reading my blog, was concerned about a couple posts, didn’t know how to help, and phoned my aunt. I’d been chatting with her more regularly lately, and she put his mind at ease.
Let me back up a little. About two months ago, I was reading something about Narcissism, and felt compelled to send my aunt an email. When thinking of warm, fuzzy memories from childhood, it seems that a lot of them took place at her house. I wanted to thank her.
That opened a door.
My aunt has been following along in my blog, and sometimes contacts me when she thinks I need a shoulder. She and my uncle have recently taken me under their wing.
Fast forward to today…
We woke to 8 inches of snow, really cold temps, and it was still snowing. We had planned to go to my aunt’s today, so she could fill me in on my brother’s concerns. I emailed and asked if I could take a snow-check. She wrote back and said, “Get your ass over here. I made biscotti for you, and I haven’t baked in two years.” I wrote back and said, “All you had to say was biscotti. I’m putting my boots on.”
___________
You can’t make it through much without the help of angels. You certainly can’t make it through a narcissistic relationship without angels. I’m not sure anyone makes it through life without angels. But sometimes you have to reach out and ask for the help. Asking for help is difficult for most of us — especially accommodators. Asking for help is akin to admitting failure.
Accommodators know how good it feels to help others.
I would bet that most accommodators have been busy being angels for the people in their lives.
When you open that door, and ask for help, you actually let someone else feel good, by letting them help you. There’s nothing wrong with that. It may take a while to get used to having someone care for you. You will start to feel your hole fill a bit, when you let others help.
Why else are we here, if not to help each other?
An angel can be anywhere or anyone.
He could be the busy brother with a life of his own, who cares, but doesn’t know what to say.
He could be the step-dad who takes you skiing and buys the beer and entertains your son.
She could take the form of the girlfriend who has known you since college, and still likes you anyway.
She could be disguised as the new friend, who sends emails that speak right to your heart.
Angels could take the shape of your kids, who tell you they love you, “even if your hair is turning gray.”
Or it could be the aunt, who bakes you biscotti, even though she hasn’t baked in two years.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
Oh, I love me some angels!!
Don’t forget that you can also find them online at this particular website. ;)
I also love your aunt, uncle, brother and biscotti – altho not necessarily in that order. lol
Busy brother has been frequenting other blogs to learn how to ask for directions and not solve problems (a.k.a. listen).
Ohbrother, I always knew you were quite a guy!!
T,
not to worry.
i know you’re there.
love you