Child of Narcissist « Surviving Narcissism

Child of Narcissist

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — Comments Off
4
Sep 09

Individual Moments of Peace

This evening I sat for a spell on my front porch. We are enjoying the last few days of our summer, and today was particularly gorgeous. I see an image of me hanging from the letter r in the word summer, by my fingernails. I can’t let go of summer quite yet, there’s still a bit of juice left.

I was perched on the porch, feeling like I was suspended above myself.

Not a religious or zen thing, but a brief moment of stillness.

Those still moments can feel familiar, and foreign, all at the same time.

The temperature was perfect. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On — 3 Comments
25
Aug 09

Enlightenment

It had been about six weeks since the kids and I had moved out. Mark and I were still going to counseling. At one point, he told me that he was convinced that my leaving was a temporary thing. He figured I’d get a little space, have a chance to miss him, and come running back with the realization that he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

He believed I would come to my senses and see what was best for all of us, especially Will and Jenny.

I hadn’t completely given up, but I knew things would have to change dramatically before I would give any thought to the possibility of moving back.

Somewhere during this time I had picked up a copy of Real Simple Magazine and read an article about narcissism. I vividly remember handing my mom the magazine and telling her to read the article. “Mom! She’s talking about your parents.”

Moments later, mom hands back the magazine and says, “Honey, this is your husband.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — Comments Off
20
Aug 09

The Voice of the Narcissist

pumpkin patch Mark and I hadn’t been dating long. One late summer evening we were taking a walk through a nice neighborhood I had grown up in. I was kind of hoping that I would see someone I knew so that someone I knew would see me with Mark.

I was in the googly-eyed phase of the relationship. I still couldn’t believe that a guy this handsome and this charming actually wanted to be with me. So, naturally, I wanted the world to see me with him. Then the world would think, “Wow, that Jesse is something, isn’t she. She’s with Mark.”

Even though I was so charmed by him and enthralled with the idea of being with him, there was something that just didn’t sit right with me. I felt petty for even mentioning it. Part of me was afraid that if I criticized anything he did, that he’d dump me. Maybe the thing that bugged me, wasn’t a big enough thing to risk sacrificing being with Mark.

I was almost 30 years old at the time. I was starting to understand how important it was for me to express my desires and be open in a relationship. We were strolling, holding hands, and I felt very close to him. In a very gentle, non-confrontational way I asked him why he often talked to me in a sing-song voice.

(This voice was kind of cute in the beginning. I had wondered if that was a voice that he used when he was finding his way in a new relationship. Maybe he didn’t know how to get close to a woman or be intimate, so he resorted to this patronizing voice. I hoped that he would get comfortable enough with me that he could drop the annoying voice.) Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting — Comments Off
18
Aug 09

Safety

friends My son returned safely from an adventure with his father.

This morning they left to go hiking and fishing. I hate these days. I feel like I’m holding my breath the whole time he’s gone. When he returns, I greet him with open arms and excitedly ask about all the fun that was had and hope for details without prying too much.

There are two schools of thought about how to handle parenting when one parent is a narcissist. One school strongly urges that there be NO visits. I belong to the school that suggests that the children need tools for dealing with a narcissistic parent. These adventures and visits are teaching my kids a lot. But, there is always the issue of safety.

A narcissist completely lacks empathy for others. Their dad doesn’t recognize that they may be frightened or nervous or uncomfortable with exposure on the side of a mountain. He’s only thinking of himself, so their emotions aren’t part of his reality.

The other point is that the children are simply extensions of the narcissist. If the N loves to show the world that he is the bravest pilot or the fastest skier, then his children must be brave, fast and fearless – whether they are, or not. Continue reading →

Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne