Moving On
20
Jan 11
A Twist on a Classic
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
Author Unknown
19
Jan 11
The Proof is in the Fritos
Late Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to enjoy a guilty pleasure. My kids were gone. I got a break from being a role model. I sat at the table in front of my laptop reading blog posts, while dipping Fritos in chili.
It was a little slice of heaven.
Yes, that is a big deal for me.
__________
I can’t eat when I’m nervous. Continue reading →
12
Jan 11
On Writing, the Universe, and Whiplash
One night, almost a year ago, I came bounding out of bed in the middle of the night with an idea for a post. I’d swear something had yanked me by the collar of my pjs.
I fixed a cup of tea and started writing. It was as if this post had built up in my mind while I was sleeping. It couldn’t wait until morning to be spilled out on the keyboard.
That post got me in some hot water. When I completed it – in about twenty minutes – I didn’t step back and anticipate that I might be getting myself in trouble for posting it. There was no question about hitting the ‘publish’ button.
To this day, I don’t know where that post came from.
This post arrived the same way. Continue reading →
6
Jan 11
Solving a Mystery
This morning I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on a post about boundaries. I’d been convinced that things were going well with Mark because we had put some boundaries in place that protected us from hurts, while allowing for a modicum of a relationship with Mark.
He has been quite pleasant.
In the back of my mind, I’d been wondering if it’s really about boundaries.
Everything I’ve read about narcissists would indicate that a narcissist doesn’t respect boundaries. A narcissist goes through life looking for a source. Boundaries be damned. A narcissist doesn’t respect the needs of others, therefore, it would stand to reason that a narcissist would completely ignore any boundaries that a source might set.
I wanted to be able to explain this turn of events. Continue reading →
3
Jan 11
homekeeping 6
It has been a while since I’ve written a homekeeping post. I miss the format – loose, random thoughts on where we are and where we are headed.
I just reread homekeeping 5 this morning. Wow. What a difference six months can make. Blood, sweat, tears and a lot of cussing later, and we seem to be in a good place.
Knock on wood.
It has been almost three months since Mark and I had the marathon chat session about the kids and his relationship with them. I did not perform miracles that day. It would be nice to say that I was able to reach him.
Honestly, I think Mark hasn’t changed one iota. Continue reading →
31
Dec 10
A Fond Farewell to 2010
You might be thinking that I’m counting down the minutes until 2010 comes to a close. You might be thinking that I am running in the direction of 2011.
I could let the screen door hit 2010 in the butt, on its way out.
I could give it a swift kick for good measure.
This last year was full of tears, and 2 x 4s to the head, and dashed hopes as well as triumphs and lessons learned. We experienced real, tangible, sustainable growth.
We worked hard. Continue reading →
29
Dec 10
The Strength of Criticism
The strength of criticism lies only in
the weakness of the thing criticized. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
the weakness of the thing criticized. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This brings to mind another favorite quote on Power.
*Both quotes remind me to check the mirror and make sure that I’m standing straight and tall.
27
Dec 10
On Breathing Easier and the Battle Ax in the Middle of the Night
At 2:00 a.m., those voices in my head can be pretty loud.
I don’t know who let the battle ax into my bedroom. She was holding a cast iron skillet. I don’t know if the skillet is her trademark, or if she was planning on hitting me with it. Her hair held spongy pink rollers. Over her mom-jeans, she wore a food-stained apron in a cherry print that barely stretched over her ample hips.
I’m sure her middle name is Guilt. Her last name is Doubt. First name is Jesse.
She barked at me for taking my kids out of public school. She lectured me for wanting so damn much out of a relationship. She snarled at me about my choices and the direction I’m heading.
With one hand on her hip, she started her relentless pestering. “Everyone else seems content to be in a so-so relationship. Why do you think you deserve to be any happier than anyone else? Hello, Missy, this is happy. Look around you. Everyone is coupled up, and they go about their business just fine. How much time do they spend worrying about being happy?” Continue reading →
22
Dec 10
An Early Christmas Present
There was tech-decking at 2:30 a.m. There were empty cans of Coke on every table, hot chili pepper eating contests, loudest burp contests, and soggy ski pants, mittens, hats, and sweatshirts strewn from one end of the house to the other.
I couldn’t be happier.
Jenny has had a best girlfriend for a couple years now. I was concerned that when we ditched public school, we’d sacrifice her friendship. I know now, that those girls would be friends even if one family or the other moved to the other side of the country. They may not see each other every day at school, but when they do see each other or talk on the phone, they always pick up right where they leave off.
That is the mark of a true friendship – picking up where you leave off.
They have a connection through Barbies, or ponies, or rock polishing or dress-up or whatever. I don’t even know what it is, but it is very special. Continue reading →
Tradition is an explanation for acting without thinking.14
Dec 10
Spritz Cookies and Other Customs
We made Spritz Cookies on Sunday. They’re my favorite Christmas Cookie, and my brother’s, too. And now, they are Jenny’s favorite.
Forever, the tradition has been to only have Spritz at Christmas. They are special, and they should be saved for a special time of year.
A couple years ago, Jenny asked, “Mom, can we make Spritz other times of the year?”
I started to tell her that Spritz were only made at Christmastime and that is what we do, but I stopped myself. I couldn’t think of a good reason for not making them other times of the year.
I don’t have good china, but I think it must be like using your china for special occasions, and then realizing you hardly ever pull out the china, or the good silverware or the fancy linens or the other special stuff. Continue reading →
9
Dec 10
Some Days Are Like That
I make a damn good cup of coffee. I make oatmeal with the perfect ratio of oats – walnuts – cinnamon – nutmeg. Nobody cleans a cat box like I do. You’d be amazed at how quickly I can fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes. I even find all the socks, almost every time.
And some days, that’s the best I can come up with when trying to cheer myself up and get out of the funk.
When staring at the too-bright laptop screen at 5:15 a.m., my eyes are blurry – not from being tired, but from fussing over the pages of the book I’m trying to finish.
I bounce over to Twitter to get some inspiration and find a few laughs or a couple good posts to read. The distraction takes my mind off the fact that I doubt myself.
I doubt my abilities as a mom. Continue reading →
30
Nov 10
On Divorce
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they‘don’t understand’ one another, but a sign that they have, at last,
begun to. Helen Rowland
28
Nov 10
Rescuing Her Heart
She pinned the boutonniere to her grandfather’s lapel and walked him out to the backyard. His seat was in the front row of chairs under the canopy. It wasn’t the kind of wedding where the guests or groom weren’t allowed to see the bride before the ceremony. In fact, the bride had been scurrying around taking care of last minute details while dressed in the batiste gown she’d made and embroidered.
This had to be a cost-effective wedding, or there would be no wedding at all.
The groom hadn’t actually proposed to the bride. Years later, when learning about narcissism, she would read that narcissists rarely propose. It was beneath them.
__________
They had lived together for about a year, bought a home and settled into a comfortable lifestyle. Getting married was a default move. It made sense. It was expected. She assumed they’d marry one day. He didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about getting married. When she pressed, he usually said something like, “Well… I’m fine with it all as long as it isn’t a big production, doesn’t cost me a lot, or interrupt my work schedule. Continue reading →
26
Nov 10
The Three of Us
There’s a post rolling around in my head. I keep trying to avoid it. It’s going to make me write it. It’s about why I believe divorce is the only way to survive a relationship with a narcissist.
I’m going to have to dig a little deeper.
That post is going to require a lot from me.
In the meantime, Jenny drew these faces on rocks.
They made me smile. They made me think about the three of us, and how there used to be four of us.
Now there are three with – brighter smiles, intact spirits and happier souls.
