Whoever said, “Revenge is a dish best served cold,” didn’t have a bumper crop of these growing in her backyard.
Random Observations
28
Sep 10
Some Like It Hot
27
Sep 10
On Crawl Spaces and Ex-Husbands
I’m plugging along, making sure my shoe laces are tied, minding my manners, remembering to cross my t’s and dot my i’s, when suddenly Mark swoops in and screws up my happy parade. For a long time, Mark had me convinced that my little parade didn’t matter. My parade was simply the precursor to his main event.
Because I grew to believe he was right, I still occasionally forget that my parade – stuff, projects, life – is important. It’s when I forget that my stuff is important that I let him send me into a tailspin.
That’s our history.
I start to veer too far of course – his course – and he has to yank me back to where he thinks I belong.
Even though this blog is proof that I have learned why I react the way I do, I still have work to do on my reactions to his swooping in and yanking. Continue reading →
20
Sep 10
What Is Art?
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Scott Adams
** created by Jenny on Paint.
18
Sep 10
Escape to Create
Because it’s Saturday morning. Because my friend just sent these to me. Because these bring a smile to my face, and hopefully to your face, too. But mostly because I’m a mom who is over-the-top proud of absolutely everything her kids create.
I’m not debating whether creativity comes from struggle or whether we are simply a tool to give voice to creativity. I believe we are all born with creative talent. Most of us forget that.
We get older. We lack encouragement. We forget how fun it is to create. We compare what comes from our minds and hands to others and we feel that we come up short. We become too critical of ourselves.
Creativity thrives in an environment where someone (Mark) isn’t telling us that the sun is always yellow, the grass is always green, trees always have leaves and we must always stay in the lines.
I do know that creating something is a healthy way to temporarily escape the stresses and difficulties that life may put in front of us. When we paint or draw or sing or write, our brains get a chance to quit stewing about issues. When we create, we allow our brains a little vacation from being grown-up and responsible. Continue reading →
14
Sep 10
Notes on Travel
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.
Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation. Elizabeth Drew
No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.
Lin Yutang Continue reading →
6
Sep 10
It’s Now or Never
I don’t want to sit on the floor, dress Barbies or have a Barbie Day at the Beach. I don’t want to impale little squiggly worms on hooks, remove scaly, slimy fish from the same hooks, or clean fish goo out from under my fingernails. I’d rather not play Mexican Train right now. I’d rather not measure the height of a skateboard jump.
Don’t get me wrong. Some days I do enjoy those things. Most days I get into playing with Barbies or talking skateboarding – in small doses. I don’t want to all the time, but I love the interaction with my kids.
There are plenty of grown-up things I could be doing right now.
And none of them are as important as my role as parent.
The demands of my role will change dramatically. Some day, all too soon, my kids won’t turn to me first to play ‘Go Fish’, ask me to sit next to them on the couch to watch TV, or flop over my lap for a back tickle. Continue reading →
7
Aug 10
For Our Daughters
I remember the first time she was placed in my arms. Even though I was weakened and exhausted from the process, I remember thinking that I’d never felt stronger. I felt empowered to completely love and protect her with everything I had. Nothing could stop me from creating the best possible environment so that she’d have the healthiest life.
I remember her scent, her warmth, her steely charcoal eyes, her long legs and tiny fingers. I remember the dark, matted curls at the base of her tiny head.
My heart expanded to hold all the love I felt for her, to the point where I feared my heart might burst.
I felt more love than I thought possible.
Before she was born, I was afraid that since I showered so much love on Will, I would not have the same amount of love for Jenny. The day Jen was born, I learned that I have an infinite amount of love. Continue reading →
3
Aug 10
What Is The Point?
What are we doing here?
What is the goal?
Why the struggle?
Does any of this matter?
What should I be doing differently? Continue reading →
26
Jul 10
More On High School Reunions
“You mean, simply by following my path, I will have complete confidence in everything I say? I’ll spew wise words, funny tidbits, and wow everyone at cocktail parties? All I have to do is be true to myself, show the world who I am, and I’ll never embarrass myself again?”
“It’s not like that. Although that would be nice. It’s not about suddenly becoming a sage with a great sense of comedic timing. It’s about speaking from the place of knowing who you are, having a good heart, and sharing that with the world. It’s about trusting your intentions.
Yes, you are going to say ridiculous things. You probably will still be the type who speaks before the filters have kicked in. The point is that you are speaking authentically. You aren’t couching your words to please another. You won’t be sizing up the audience to try to determine what they would most like to hear.
You will be offering up what is in your heart and mind. Some words will be wise. Some words will be funny. Some words will undoubtedly be stupid.
But they will be your words. Continue reading →
25
Jul 10
Last Night’s Dream
We were standing at the coffee bar in an independently owned bookstore. The bookstore was the center of what was a farmer’s market – lots of individual booths selling candles, handcrafts, chocolates and cookies, kites, sunglasses and other things you might think you want, but you’ve managed to live without up ‘til now. The air was filled with the happy Saturday buzz that comes from relaxed people who aren’t rushing to work or appointments.
We had been chatting about what new book we wanted to check out when the female barista came to take our drink order. He gave her his most engaging smile, and she seemed to melt under his gaze.
And for what seemed like the millionth time, I felt those familiar pangs. The strings attached to my heart were yanked, and I felt a palpable twinge – that twinge I get every time he smiles at someone (a woman) other than me. I stood there, watching their exchange, telling myself, “For God’s sake, he’s just ordering coffee. He’s not asking her to jump in the sack.”
But the pangs intensified.
I tried to talk my heart into relaxing. I tried to explain to my heart that a lifetime of insecurities has created this habit of flinching every time the person I love devotes attention to any female other than me. Continue reading →
23
Jul 10
On High School Reunions
Last night I went to my 30th high school reunion. I had a great time, even though I thought I might have to pull my car to the side of the road and throw up on the way there. All the insecurities I dealt with 30 years ago seemed to bubble to the surface, as my car approached the tavern where the event was held.
It was fun.
I’m glad it’s over.
Note to high school reunion planners: Continue reading →
2
Jul 10
The Boy in the Kevlar Vest
They met on the playground. He liked her shiny brown hair and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. She liked how smart he was and how he made her laugh. The more they played together, the more they learned how similar they were. They liked to sit in the sun and read good books. They liked to walk through the forest holding hands. They liked to sit under a tree and eat strawberries and crackers spread with peanut butter.
In the beginning, the boy told the girl lots of things about himself. He told her things he’d never told anyone else. The more he told her, the more she liked him. He was easy to be around. He made her feel comfortable. He made her feel like she could be who she was, and he would still like her.
The more he talked, the more she wanted to know. Learning about him was like reading a good book. The more she read, the more she could hardly wait to get to the end. But as she got closer to the last few chapters, something kept preventing her from reading the final pages. Someone kept interrupting her. Someone would not let her keep reading.
That someone was the boy.
The more the girl tried to read, the less he wanted her to read. Continue reading →
22
Jun 10
When The Path Is Overgrown
I am the stream. I am the stream. I am the stream.
Yeah.
Whatever.
There are a few more rapids in the stream today.
I do believe in the stream. I am the stream. But, today I needed a little help getting around a humongous boulder. Continue reading →
6
Jun 10
When To Break From the Herd
I do follow the rules in unfamiliar situations. I read the signs, ask for directions, follow the guidelines and survey the expert opinions. But once I’m in my comfort zone, I start to look at things differently. I start to ask, “Why?” I’m not trying to be belligerent. I’m trying to understand if the reason something “has always been done that way” is really the right reason for doing it that way.
I ask a lot of questions.
Public school is the way that educating has always been done. Is that the right way for the three of us?
I have a lot of questions.
The decision of home school versus public school is weighing heavily. Actually, it wouldn’t weigh anything if my natural inclination was to follow the herd. I wonder if the herd has all the answers. Just because public school has always been the commonly accepted way to teach, can’t there be other good options for kids and moms on the fringe of the herd? Continue reading →
