Monday, I received an email from Mark. In the email he told me that Jen and Will are truly amazing children, and he thanked me for doing such a great job raising them.
I know.
Hard to believe, isn’t it? Continue reading →
25
Jan 11
Wise Words from Wee People
Jenny: Tina has a quote on her bathroom mirror. It says…
Life isn’t about waiting for the rain to stop. Life is about learning to dance in the rain.
Will: I guess ski days with dad are like dancing in the rain.
24
Jan 11
The Jury’s Still Out
“Mom, how come Uncle John drinks so many beers? How come Grandma G doesn’t get down on the floor and play with us? How come dad gets mad at me for getting rocks in the grass? Why do we have to put all our toys away before dad gets home?”
Some of those questions are easier to answer than others. I could have glossed over some of the answers, or completely ignored some of the more difficult questions.
When my kids were little people learning to talk, figuring out that a lot of life was spent relating to other folks and not just their mom and dad, I made an instinctive decision to answer each and every one of their questions.
I made the choice to use other people’s actions and attitudes as learning opportunities.
My instincts also told me to use a respectful, adult voice when relating to my kids. Sure, there were times when we’d be snuggling or they’d be sitting on my lap, and I’d coo to them the way I sometimes feel that I’m biologically programmed to do. And, when they were sick, I’d use a sweeter, more tender voice. But for day-to-day interactions – discussing how to tie shoes, why you shouldn’t kick your sister in the butt with the pointy part of your cowboy boot, and why you may want to wait until you’re a 13 year old girl to roll your eyes – I’d use an adult voice. Continue reading →
20
Jan 11
A Twist on a Classic
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
Author Unknown
19
Jan 11
The Proof is in the Fritos
Late Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to enjoy a guilty pleasure. My kids were gone. I got a break from being a role model. I sat at the table in front of my laptop reading blog posts, while dipping Fritos in chili.
It was a little slice of heaven.
Yes, that is a big deal for me.
__________
I can’t eat when I’m nervous. Continue reading →
16
Jan 11
Cowboy Up
His Wranglers and Tony Lamas were broken in to that soft, but not too-distressed phase. He walked with a purpose – chest puffed out, arms swinging, head held high.
Even though it was only 4 degrees outside, he didn’t bother with zipping his ranch coat. There was no need for gloves.
He strutted back and forth in front of my vehicle. He was confident and independent.
12
Jan 11
On Writing, the Universe, and Whiplash
One night, almost a year ago, I came bounding out of bed in the middle of the night with an idea for a post. I’d swear something had yanked me by the collar of my pjs.
I fixed a cup of tea and started writing. It was as if this post had built up in my mind while I was sleeping. It couldn’t wait until morning to be spilled out on the keyboard.
That post got me in some hot water. When I completed it – in about twenty minutes – I didn’t step back and anticipate that I might be getting myself in trouble for posting it. There was no question about hitting the ‘publish’ button.
To this day, I don’t know where that post came from.
This post arrived the same way. Continue reading →
10
Jan 11
There Are No Shortcuts
*A lesson that bears repeating.*
I’m doing it again. I’m stuffing big logs and wads of paper into the wood stove hoping to keep it burning, even though I know the fire burns better with smaller, split wood. I’ll walk by in another couple minutes, angrily point a finger at the stove, and tell it, “Keep burning, dammit.”
Then I’ll run out of paper, and have to scrounge around the house looking for scratch paper, junk mail, and anything else remotely combustible.
Invariably, I’ll stand in front of the wood stove with my hands on my hips, ask the cat why she isn’t doing her part to keep the fire fed, and frustratedly open the door to the stove and poke at the smoldering logs.
All of this is because I’m lazy.
I’m too lazy to chop the firewood into smaller pieces that burn better. Truth be told, Will does all the chopping, and I don’t want to worry or hover or stand out there keeping an eye on him with my finger on speed dial, ready to call 911. I don’t want to make a bunch of trips hauling arm loads of smaller chunks of firewood. Continue reading →
09
Jan 11
Sourcing the Narcissist
Narcissists have no enemies. They have only Sources of Narcissistic Supply. An enemy means attention means supply. One holds sway over one’s enemy. If the narcissist has the power to provoke emotions in you, then you are still a Source of Supply to him, regardless of which emotions are provoked.
S. Vaknin
06
Jan 11
Solving a Mystery
This morning I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on a post about boundaries. I’d been convinced that things were going well with Mark because we had put some boundaries in place that protected us from hurts, while allowing for a modicum of a relationship with Mark.
He has been quite pleasant.
In the back of my mind, I’d been wondering if it’s really about boundaries.
Everything I’ve read about narcissists would indicate that a narcissist doesn’t respect boundaries. A narcissist goes through life looking for a source. Boundaries be damned. A narcissist doesn’t respect the needs of others, therefore, it would stand to reason that a narcissist would completely ignore any boundaries that a source might set.
I wanted to be able to explain this turn of events. Continue reading →
03
Jan 11
homekeeping 6
It has been a while since I’ve written a homekeeping post. I miss the format – loose, random thoughts on where we are and where we are headed.
I just reread homekeeping 5 this morning. Wow. What a difference six months can make. Blood, sweat, tears and a lot of cussing later, and we seem to be in a good place.
Knock on wood.
It has been almost three months since Mark and I had the marathon chat session about the kids and his relationship with them. I did not perform miracles that day. It would be nice to say that I was able to reach him.
Honestly, I think Mark hasn’t changed one iota. Continue reading →
31
Dec 10
A Fond Farewell to 2010
You might be thinking that I’m counting down the minutes until 2010 comes to a close. You might be thinking that I am running in the direction of 2011.
I could let the screen door hit 2010 in the butt, on its way out.
I could give it a swift kick for good measure.
This last year was full of tears, and 2 x 4s to the head, and dashed hopes as well as triumphs and lessons learned. We experienced real, tangible, sustainable growth.
We worked hard. Continue reading →
29
Dec 10
The Strength of Criticism
The strength of criticism lies only in
the weakness of the thing criticized. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
the weakness of the thing criticized. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This brings to mind another favorite quote on Power.
*Both quotes remind me to check the mirror and make sure that I’m standing straight and tall.
27
Dec 10
On Breathing Easier and the Battle Ax in the Middle of the Night
At 2:00 a.m., those voices in my head can be pretty loud.
I don’t know who let the battle ax into my bedroom. She was holding a cast iron skillet. I don’t know if the skillet is her trademark, or if she was planning on hitting me with it. Her hair held spongy pink rollers. Over her mom-jeans, she wore a food-stained apron in a cherry print that barely stretched over her ample hips.
I’m sure her middle name is Guilt. Her last name is Doubt. First name is Jesse.
She barked at me for taking my kids out of public school. She lectured me for wanting so damn much out of a relationship. She snarled at me about my choices and the direction I’m heading.
With one hand on her hip, she started her relentless pestering. “Everyone else seems content to be in a so-so relationship. Why do you think you deserve to be any happier than anyone else? Hello, Missy, this is happy. Look around you. Everyone is coupled up, and they go about their business just fine. How much time do they spend worrying about being happy?” Continue reading →
22
Dec 10
An Early Christmas Present
There was tech-decking at 2:30 a.m. There were empty cans of Coke on every table, hot chili pepper eating contests, loudest burp contests, and soggy ski pants, mittens, hats, and sweatshirts strewn from one end of the house to the other.
I couldn’t be happier.
Jenny has had a best girlfriend for a couple years now. I was concerned that when we ditched public school, we’d sacrifice her friendship. I know now, that those girls would be friends even if one family or the other moved to the other side of the country. They may not see each other every day at school, but when they do see each other or talk on the phone, they always pick up right where they leave off.
That is the mark of a true friendship – picking up where you leave off.
They have a connection through Barbies, or ponies, or rock polishing or dress-up or whatever. I don’t even know what it is, but it is very special. Continue reading →
