Posts Tagged: a girl can dream

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off on Fanfare is for Narcissists
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

before it meltsFanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com.   Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

 


SMPath

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana.  Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made.  The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction.  I’m still heading in that direction today.  (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

 

wghhsmcover

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one.  It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile.  I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

 

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

 

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations — 5 Comments
14
Jan 14

“Mom, What is Normal?”

snow on pot hook“Mom, what is normal, anyway?”

“How do you mean?”

“Is it normal to wear mismatched socks?”

“Well, it’s normal for you.”

“Is it normal to like crafts more than TV?” Continue reading →

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver — 16 Comments
7
Jan 14

You and I – A Glimpse at a Healthy Relationship Beyond Narcissism

you and iGuest Post by Zaira

 

You and I

You may never know how deeply I was affected when you came through the door at 7 a.m.  Then you crawled in my bed, noting I hadn’t slept, and held me tight.  You told me you couldn’t live without me, that you will always love me – your best friend.

You may never realize how you opened up your soul this morning or how much trust it takes to do that.  Or maybe you do.  Maybe that is the problem.  I can’t give you everything, but I can give you a lot.  A lot that your heart needs.

You may never know how much it took for me to write that text.  The one that said not to call me today.  The one that I wrote not knowing what you would do when you got it.  The scary one.

You may never realize how much I appreciate you kissing my tears away when you don’t know what to do and how it is the perfect response.  How much I need your honesty. Your unconditional love.  Love that I haven’t had before.  Love that can’t exist with a narcissist.

You and I may not be perfect. We may be indecisive, impulsive, and unsure. Our feelings are difficult and unmanageable at times.  But this love and friendship we built is one thing we did right… you and I.

Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — Comments Off on A Wish for You
30
Dec 13

A Wish for You

a wish for you

My wish for you is that you discover
a graceful way to get your needs met
and your feelings acknowledged
in this bright new year.

Love,
Jesse

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 2 Comments
24
Dec 13

A Gift

a giftThe gift – a small, tightly wrapped package – arrived on her doorstep.  She looked up the street to see who might have left her this surprise.  She saw no sign of the giver.

She slowly untied the bow, all the while wondering what could be inside, and who could have left her this gift.  She tore at the wrapping and opened the box to find layers of white tissue paper.  She parted the sheets of tissue to find a smooth stone.  The stone was flat and round and coolly fit in the palm of her hand.

She discovered letters carved on one side of the stone.  The message read, “That is about you.”

“That is about you.”

She said it over and over again in her mind. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts — Comments Off on A Letter to the Children of Narcissists – from Santa
11
Dec 13

A Letter to the Children of Narcissists – from Santa

A letter from SantaHo Ho Ho!

It’s been a crazy year, hasn’t it? And you have been SO good. More than that, my friend, you ARE good. Every part of you is good, from your deeds, to your thoughts, to your disagreements with your sister, to your spilled glasses of milk.

Yes! It’s true. I’m here to tell you that no matter what you’ve been told, you are GOOD.

It’s hard to tell sometimes, isn’t it? Sometimes you get a look or a feeling from your dad or mom that leaves you thinking that you aren’t measuring up. Well NOTHING could be further from the truth. See, when they give you that look, they are frustrated with who they are. That’s right! They are mad at themselves. I know it sounds weird. I know it doesn’t feel that way. I know it doesn’t make sense that this big powerful adult is taking their frustrations out on you, but that’s what they do. They can’t help it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. You already know that I have two lists – the Naughty List and the Nice List. You’ve probably been worried that your name is on the Naughty List. Well, your name is on the Nice List – of course it is, Silly! I promise. My Naughty List contains all the names of the narcissistic parents. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 6 Comments
6
Dec 13

On Disconnecting from Thoughts and Other Radical Attempts at Self-Care

winter basketThe package arrived around Thanksgiving.  Had I been looking out the window at the time of delivery, I’d have seen the mailman straining under the weight of the over-sized box.  He’d have had my permission to drop it on the front porch as there was nothing fragile inside.  I’d have liked to have heard its loud thump when it hit the wooden planks.

I avoided opening the box for several days.  For the first full day, I left the box on the porch – out in the cold.

I knew what was inside from the return address – my own.

 

On the third day of avoidance, I noticed that someone or something had slit along the packing tape.  The contents were leaking out.  At first, they leaked with a slow trickle.  By day five, I was paddling upstream in a flood. Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 8 Comments
2
Dec 13

The Care and Feeding of Your INFJ During the Holidays

Your INFJ at the HolidaysAren’t you lucky?  You have an INFJ in your life.  That means that while you’ll never completely understand what makes her tick, you’ll never be bored, and you’ll always know that she highly values the relationship she has with you.

Let’s try to make the holidays easier for you and for her.

 

Parties

This one is easy – invite her to parties.  Your invitation might sound like this, “Hey, I’ve got this party thing and I’d love for you to go, but I know you’d rather die, so I’m inviting you with the understanding that you like the invite, but you have no intention of going, and I’m cool with that.” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — Comments Off on What Happened to Christmas?
18
Nov 13

What Happened to Christmas?

december snow“What happened to Christmas?”

“Don’t you mean, ‘What happened to Thanksgiving?’  Didn’t there used to be a holiday somewhere in there between Jack O’ Lanterns and Christmas trees?  You remember, don’t you?  That holiday that brought everyone together for turkey and pie.”  Basil pours a cup of coffee and hands it to Gladys.

Margaret slides the pie server under another piece, “Oh, I always did love Thanksgiving.  I think that holiday was my favorite.”

Jon rolls to a stop on his skateboard, “My fav was Christmas.  Yeah….  for a kid of divorced parents, Christmas rules.  All their guilt turns into way too many Christmas presents for me.  Gotta love that.”

“Jon, dear, you know that isn’t what Christmas is about, don’t you?”  Margaret hands Jon a sliver of pie. Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 1 Comment
8
Nov 13

Easy, Jesse

easy, jesseEasy, Jesse.  What’s your hurry?  You’ll get it all done, and if you don’t, there’s an awfully good chance that it doesn’t need to be done.

There are no commendations for being the fastest laundry folder or having the cleanest kitchen floor.

You’ll get the emails sent, the books formatted and the bills paid in due time.

 

Make eye contact with them when they ask, “What’s for lunch?”  If they want you to jump off the shed roof into the leaf pile, do it.  Show her how to read a pattern and then turn her loose.  So what if he wants to learn every detail about waxing skis.  It doesn’t hurt you to pretend to care.

 

Have tea with your aunt.

Go to lunch with a girlfriend.

Stay up too late watching a movie.

Eat buttery noodles in a snowdrift of Parmesan and forget about protein for a change.

 

Don’t worry about keeping up with everything.  Not everything needs to be kept up with.

 

There is grace in taking it slower.

 

Easy, Jesse.

 

 

This morning I received these words from the Universe
in the form of a frazzled voice that sounded a lot like my own.

Seeing My Path / Stories / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
25
Oct 13

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 2

The infj and the narcissist 2Those INFJ traits make for a tenacious individual when it comes to working on relationships.  She would never run out of the desire to try.  She’d contort herself into whatever shape he needed in order to make this work.

If he wanted an outdoorsy woman, she’d happily put on hiking boots.

If he wanted a woman who only had time for him, she’d quit returning the calls from friends and family.

If he wanted a companion who followed his dreams, she’d tuck her dreams away in a box on a shelf in the closet.

  Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 2 Comments
16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

 

orange and blue and do-oversHer head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

 

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day.  She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t.  She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit.  She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river.  Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason.  At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 2 Comments
16
Sep 13

Hope In A Jar

“Mom, what colors do you pick?”

“Um….   how about red, purple and turquoise.”

“Oh, that’ll be pretty.  I’ll see if I can layer the beads in this little jar.”  She makes a teensy funnel out of a scrap of paper.

 

“Okay!  The beads are in, and they stayed in separate layers! Look!  What do you want the label to say?”

“Well….  I’m not sure.  How about, “Faith, Hope, Love.”

“I like that.  I’ll have to write real tiny.”   She cuts a thin strip of paper, just long enough for three words.

 

“Oh, Jenny!  It’s beautiful!  Thank you.”

As she sorts beads for the next jar she asks,  “Where are you going to put it?”

“How about in a window where it can catch the sun?”

Moving On / Random Observations — 6 Comments
13
Sep 13

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

She dusted the potting soil off of the rim of the clay pot. “Mom, I potted the Hoya clipping. They’re supposed to be in a north-facing window. Where should I put it?”

“Well, we have two options.  Let’s see if we can make room for it.”

“Did you have more plants at dad’s house?”

“Yeah, we had lots of houseplants at dad’s house.”

“How come?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 12 Comments
30
Aug 13

Get Some Help

Get some help.

Oh, I know you think you don’t need help.  I know you think the problem lies with everyone else.  I know you think that you have life figured out and the rest of us have to catch up.

 

I know of your childhood.  I know it was awful.  Someone – your mom or dad – had you believing you weren’t good enough.  In order to survive, you pretended to be good enough.  You created an image of some kid you thought your parents wanted you to be.  Or you created a self that was tough, impenetrable and cavalier so as to protect yourself.   At the end of each school year, more and more layers were added to this image.

By the time you graduated, you couldn’t wait to get out of their house.  You had survived, but you forgot who you were. You packed your bags – the clothes belonging to the guy you created – and your ways of behaving, and you left to start your adult life. Continue reading →

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