child of narcissist « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: child of narcissist

An Early Christmas Present

best-friend There was tech-decking at 2:30 a.m. There were empty cans of Coke on every table, hot chili pepper eating contests, loudest burp contests, and soggy ski pants, mittens, hats, and sweatshirts strewn from one end of the house to the other.

I couldn’t be happier.

Jenny has had a best girlfriend for a couple years now. I was concerned that when we ditched public school, we’d sacrifice her friendship. I know now, that those girls would be friends even if one family or the other moved to the other side of the country. They may not see each other every day at school, but when they do see each other or talk on the phone, they always pick up right where they leave off.

That is the mark of a true friendship – picking up where you leave off.

They have a connection through Barbies, or ponies, or rock polishing or dress-up or whatever. I don’t even know what it is, but it is very special. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy — 22 Comments
19
Dec 10

Dear Dad

I’m not mad at you any more. I’m guessing that you didn’t realize I was mad at you.

I’ve been mad at you for a real long time.

I wasn’t mad when you and mom got a divorce. I was mad after the divorce, when you never came around. I was mad when you said you’d come by, and you didn’t. I was mad at you for finding things to do with my brother, but not being able to find things to do with me.

It hurt my feelings when you couldn’t think of anything to talk with me about, or when you couldn’t make an effort at being interested in my life.

You never told me I was pretty or smart or capable or funny. Now I am insecure and lacking in self-confidence.

I was mad at you for expecting me to be the one to call. I had to be the one to create a relationship with you. When I dropped the ball on our relationship, and quit trying, you never picked it back up. You were content to just let things slide. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 2 Comments
12
Dec 10

Bittersweet

snowy-curtain I’ve been writing here for over a year. Jen and Will know what the blog is about. Will keeps asking for permission to read the whole blog. He’s not ready for that.

They both know about narcissism.

I read some of the posts to them. I have read many of the comments to them. I want them to share in this process.

We’ve all come a long way because of the growth we’ve experienced due to this blog and the amazing comments, love and support that occur here.

My goal is to sell my own products through this site. The kids know about that. We have plans and dreams based on what I may be able to do here. Because of those plans and dreams, they often ask me how many folks are checking in on the site. They see me checking the stats for the blog, and they’ve witnessed the growth in the numbers of people who read. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Quotes — Comments Off
7
Dec 10

On Making Do

Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night.

Marion Howard

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 2 Comments
5
Dec 10

Sparkles in the Cold

cold-quiet1 My fingers are still thawing as I write this post.

At 8:30 a.m. it was 4 degrees below zero and absolutely gorgeous out, with all the sparkling snow encrusting everything. I went out in the cold quiet to take photos of the glorious white landscape.

diamond-encrusted

My eyes teared up from the cold. My fingers couldn’t push the buttons of the camera. My boots crunched through the snow, and my knees shook. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Tools — 4 Comments
4
Dec 10

Thoughts On Love, Sacrifice and Cat Hair on the Keyboard

It’s still dark. I can barely make out the fog hanging over the park. Kids are still snuggled in cozy beds. After making my first cup of coffee, I light the fire and sit to cruise web sites and formulate a blog post.

Suddenly our cat jumps up on my lap.

She kneads for a bit, changes position, snags my robe with her claws, looks me in the face and sniffs my coffee.

I could put her down, but I don’t.

She wants to soak up some of my body heat. It’s really cold this morning. I love this patient cat. She’s inconveniencing me like crazy, but she’s a sweetheart and I can’t put her down. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On — 3 Comments
26
Nov 10

The Three of Us

4-rocks There’s a post rolling around in my head. I keep trying to avoid it. It’s going to make me write it. It’s about why I believe divorce is the only way to survive a relationship with a narcissist.

I’m going to have to dig a little deeper.

That post is going to require a lot from me.

In the meantime, Jenny drew these faces on rocks.

They made me smile. They made me think about the three of us, and how there used to be four of us.

family-of-3

Now there are three with – brighter smiles, intact spirits and happier souls.

Quotes — 16 Comments
23
Nov 10

When I Forget What I Know

The best way of forgetting how you think you feel is to concentrate on what you know you know.

Mary Stewart

When I forget what I know, I give more chances, hope things will change, set us up for more hurts and disappointments.

I know the history.

I know the truth.

I get lazy and don’t want to have to maintain the boundaries on a daily basis.

I tend to act from feelings rather than what I know. The feelings tell me that we could have this fantasy life, where we all get along.

I know better.

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
21
Nov 10

Gaslighting

As I was sitting down to write a new post, I discovered this article by Lisa E. Scott on her site, vainencounters.com:

The “Crazy-Making” Behavior of a Narcissist.

I identified with everything in Lisa’s article. She also mentions the term, gaslight. I had to Google some more. I had heard the term, but never paid attention. I didn’t know it applied to me.

I found this article by Robin Stern, Ph.D.:

What is Gaslighting?

__________

I had today’s post composed in my head before I had discovered the gaslighting stuff. I even had the appropriate pictures selected. I was ready to hit publish. The post was about how I’m tempted to believe that Mark is changing. I was going to write that I’ve been thinking I really managed to get through to him. I was even wondering if Narcissists are capable of seeing who and what they are, and that their behaviors have a detrimental effect on their families.

You’d think I’d know better by now.

Last night he came over to discuss Christmas gift ideas with the kids.

He left and Jenny broke into tears.

I was present for all the conversations. I heard the veiled put downs, and the not-so-subtle dismissals of the dolls Jenny wants, and the ski pants Will wants. I heard his jovial-sounding sarcastic jabs. In his sing-song voice he said, “Well Honey Bear, I thought you wanted a baby doll carriage. You mean you still like Barbies, too? You still like babies and Barbies?”

“So Will, do you think these ski pants would be cool enough for you?”

These are pokes and prods. These are smarmy little attempts at sounding like an interested dad, but really they show how little he knows them, and how little he cares.

This morning’s discovery of gaslighting was another whisper from the Universe. This time she said, “Hon, don’t be fooled. Don’t believe, for one second, that a Narcissist is capable of changing. It will never be about the kids. It will always be about him. Check out this post on gaslighting. It applies to you, Sweetie, and your kids, too.”

At least she’s still whispering. I half expect her to come at me next time with a 2 x 4.

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Random Observations / The World Revolves Around Me — 4 Comments
18
Nov 10

Mom, It’s Like This…

“You know when you’re standing in line at the grocery store and the customer in front of you is talking to the cashier? You know how the cashier sort of smiles, keeps working, and tries to answer the customer’s question, but really they just want to get through with that customer, and get on to the next, and be done working for the day?

You know how the cashier seems like she doesn’t really care about what the customer is talking about?

That’s what it’s like when I’m talking to dad.”

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 13 Comments
14
Nov 10

Can It Be?

fingers-crossed They hadn’t seen him in three weeks. On Friday night, they spent over five hours with him. When they walked in the door, at the end of the night, I did a quick scan to check for rapid blinking, slumped shoulders, nervous pacing or shell-shocked expressions.

Nothing.

Will and Jen spoke animatedly about the event they attended. They talked of what they’d had for dinner and the stories shared. They spoke of the folks they saw.

They didn’t mention the baby voice, or the martyr tone. There was nothing about being overly embarrassed – other than the typical ways that all parents embarrass their kids. Nothing about hurt feelings, or insults, or critiques about hair, dress or table manners.

__________ Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Quotes — Comments Off
13
Nov 10

Holding Our Breath

We think we’re turning a corner, but you’re always holding your breath.

Doug Allen

Child of Narcissist / Moving On — 4 Comments
11
Nov 10

A Whispered Update

tracks Yesterday marked three weeks since the Wednesday morning meeting with Mark.

During the last three weeks, the kids have received one email, and several (not daily) phone calls from Mark. The calls have varied from short and terse, to lengthy and pleasant. Mark has not pressured them to see him. They have not asked to see him.

They have returned his calls when he has asked them to do so in a message.

They have not called of their own accord.

The mood in our house, is light and without pressure. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Quotes — 3 Comments
10
Nov 10