communication « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: communication

You Get Me

“I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this thing with your dad, but I’m still glad I married him.”

Jenny looked out the car window and said, “It’d be cool if they made some sort of selective amnesia drug. You know, cuz then you could pick and choose what you wanna remember and then forget the dad parts.”

“But a lot of the dad parts have you and your brother in them, and I don’t wanna forget those.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jen turned to look at me, “Well, you know I don’t mean it like, ‘Yeah, we’re awesome, you wouldn’t wanna forget us.'”

I laughed and said, “I know what you meant, honey. You didn’t mean it like a narcissist.” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Moving On / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
15
Jan 17

Oh! The Feelings!

“So you know, since your classes are at night, we won’t be having dinner together.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s right.”

He’s organizing his papers and looking at his new schedule. Many pieces have fallen into place to bring him to this point. It has been hectic around here. He’s starting this school sooner than we had expected, and we haven’t considered all the ramifications. I know it hasn’t occurred to him that we won’t be having dinner together. He’s the one who wanted to take his classes at night. He’s a night owl. This is perfect.

It’s dumb that I bring up the dinner thing, but it had just dawned on me. Dinner has always been a big deal to me. As much as I may not want to cook some nights, I love that time of the day when everything that can be done is done, and we can eat dinner and “hit relax mode.”

He zips up his backpack and says, “How are we going to do dinners?” Continue reading →

Random Observations — Comments Off
19
Aug 16

When Everything is Fine

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. And you?”

“No, really. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Really.”

“But you don’t sound fine.” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
26
Apr 16

Tangling With A Snake

“Why do you back down? If you know you are right, why don’t you prove your point?”

I reached for a cup of Earl Grey. “I don’t like confrontation.”

“It’s not necessarily confrontation, though. Sometimes it’s just discourse. Two people disagree, they talk it out, and they come to an understanding. It’s not a big deal.”

I looked at Jen and she was shaking her head. “What do you think, Jen?” She shrugged her shoulders and refused to comment.

Continue reading →

Random Observations / The Bartender — 4 Comments
12
Apr 16

When High Maintenance Is Good

John reached for his pint and muttered to himself, “The other high maintenance was easier.”

On the other side of the bar, Hank turned and said, “What? Did you just say ‘high maintenance?'” Hank leaned over the bar, “Uh oh…”

John looked frustrated. “Yeah. I did.” He lifted his pint for a drink. “The last one was the typical kind of high maintenance. She liked stuff. All kinds of stuff. If we got in an argument, I’d buy her earrings. If I wanted to golf for a second weekend in a row, I’d pay for her to get one of those manicures. As long as I bought her stuff, or wined and dined her, we were fine.”

Hank laughed, “And, this new one? Is she high maintenance?”

John shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I can’t figure her out. It’s a whole different kind of high maintenance. She doesn’t want stuff. She doesn’t go for manicures. She doesn’t have 130 pairs of shoes.” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — Comments Off
23
Mar 16

Convictions

I just walked over to the dining room table intending to write “chicken” on my grocery list. I wrote in block letters and put a box around the word, but when I put down the pen, I realized I’d written the word “convictions.”

Have you heard the one about the husband sitting at the dinner table? He intends to say, “Please pass the salt,” but instead he blurts out, “You’ve ruined my life.”

Those messages rise to the surface for a reason. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Stories / Survivor Support / The Bartender / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — Comments Off
7
Mar 16

A Narcissism Litmus Test

“Hey, Sandy! How are things? I haven’t seen you in awhile. Have you met Anne? She’s our new backup bartender. You’re going to like her.”

“Hello, Anne. Nice to meet you.” Sandy laughed and pointed at Hank. “I bet you get a real education working with this guy.”

Anne shook Sandy’s hand and said, “You know, I’ve tended other bars, and thought I’d heard it all, but Hank definitely has some new stories.”

Hank laughed, “Who, me? What can I get ya, Sandy?”

“I’m going to pretend that it’s warm enough for a gin and tonic.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People / Survivor Support — 8 Comments
29
Feb 16

If You Know a Child of a Narcissist

There’s a good chance you know a child of a narcissist.

This post is written for you if your friend or loved-one or relative is suffering – or has suffered – at the hands of a narcissist.

Your heart aches for her. You want to make things better for him. You want to ease their pain, even if just for a moment.

You can’t make it all go away. You can’t love them enough to make up for what their parent couldn’t or wouldn’t do. You can’t swoop in and be the caretaker they have always longed for.

You can acknowledge their hurts. You can listen and believe them when they explain who their parent was/is. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People / Parenting — 5 Comments
10
Feb 16

A Day in the Life of an HSP Mom

My fingers are in my ears and I’m yelling, “La la la la la la la. Geez! You haven’t figured out, by now, that it’s not the best idea to tell me of your narrow misses on the ski hill?”

“I know, but it was SO cool.”

“Bud, anyone would tell you that that is just not something to tell a mom – especially an HSP mom. Tell me the gist, but please spare me the gory details.”

“Right. Right. Right. I’m sorry. I know.”

As much as I want to hear how he does on the slopes, if he gives me too many details, I know I won’t be able to let him go. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Random Observations — Comments Off
6
Feb 16

Defining Terms

“Today is ballroom skiing.”

“Huh?”

“Every time you come back from skiing, you share tales of near misses, close calls with concussions, clothes-line incidents and big-air jumps. Today you are skiing on new/used skis after having broken a ski. You know what ballroom skiing is. I want to see ballroom skiing.”

(I define ballroom skiing as big, wide, gentle turns and little to no air.)

I am nervous about Will skiing on some used skis that he found on eBay. They need a lot of tuning, a little waxing and some trial and error. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People / Parenting — 11 Comments
8
Jan 16

View From the High Road

“What’s the point of always taking the high road if nothing ever changes? It gets old. Why don’t we try the low road for a change?”

“I hear your frustration, bud. It sucks. I know it does. It does get old.”

“Well, he never takes the high road.”

“Maybe you’re confused about what it means to take the high road.”

Will reached for his coffee and said, “If it doesn’t improve the situation, I don’t see the point.” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — Comments Off
21
Sep 15

Why You Need an HSP in Your Life

You probably have an HSP in your life. There are a lot of us out there.

If you’re reading this, you are most likely a Highly Sensitive Person.

Many, however, who are probably not HSP, read the title of this post, rolled their eyes and opted to read something else. They are tired of hearing about us. They can’t relate. They aren’t wired to relate. They’ve come to believe that HSPs are an inconvenience or that we are high-maintenance. We’re too sensitive, take everything personally, and get overwhelmed easily. They may not realize that they have HSPs in their lives who serve very important roles.

HSPs are the folks you turn to when you need real human contact. Continue reading →

Moving On / Spirit Guides / Stories — 5 Comments
15
Sep 15

On Popcorn, Track Record and the New Guy

“Oh dear! I can’t bring myself to watch.”

“Pass the popcorn, Margaret. This is getting good.”

Margaret passed the bowl of popcorn to Gladys. “Gladys! How can you be so insensitive? She’s struggling. Can’t you see that?”

“Of course I can see that. That’s why it’s getting good!” Gladys scooped up a handful of popcorn in one hand and with the other, she deliberately ate one popped kernel at a time, while watching the drama unfold.

Basil walked over and sat next to Gladys. “Uh oh. She’s at it again, isn’t she.” Continue reading →

Moving On / The Bartender — 2 Comments
27
Aug 15

On Going No Contact

“Hey, Hank! How’s it going? It’s weird to see you outside of the bar.”

“Hey, Matt. I haven’t seen you down there in awhile. Looks like you’re getting some new gear today? Have you been doing a lot more fishing this year?”

Matt held up a package of spinners and laughed, “Yeah. Funny thing is, I’ve been fishing a lot more since … well …. since I broke it off with Sarah.”

Hank reached for some leader, “Ouch. I hadn’t seen you two around, but I didn’t know. I thought you two were good together.”

Matt shook his head, “So did I.” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Moving On / Random Observations — 9 Comments
13
May 15

How to Say “No”

“So why don’t you just say “no”?”

I put my cell back in my pocket and exhaled loudly as we continued our walk. “I dunno, Jen. My knee-jerk reaction is to always try to accommodate – if I can.”

“When they asked you, did you know right away what your answer was? Did you know right away that you wanted to say no?”

“Well, sure I knew I didn’t want to say yes – my stomach clenched. Yikes. That’s a pretty good indication that I want to say no. I don’t need more on my plate.”

She moved me closer to the sidewalk as a car approached – ever the protector, that one. “How come you don’t just say no right away?” Continue reading →