gentle reminders « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: gentle reminders

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 1 Comment
8
Nov 13

Easy, Jesse

Easy, Jesse. What’s your hurry? You’ll get it all done, and if you don’t, there’s an awfully good chance that it doesn’t need to be done.

There are no commendations for being the fastest laundry folder or having the cleanest kitchen floor.

You’ll get the emails sent, the books formatted and the bills paid in due time.

Make eye contact with them when they ask, “What’s for lunch?” If they want you to jump off the shed roof into the leaf pile, do it. Show her how to read a pattern and then turn her loose. So what if he wants to learn every detail about waxing skis. It doesn’t hurt you to pretend to care.

Have tea with your aunt.

Go to lunch with a girlfriend.

Stay up too late watching a movie.

Eat buttery noodles in a snowdrift of Parmesan and forget about protein for a change.

Don’t worry about keeping up with everything. Not everything needs to be kept up with.

There is grace in taking it slower.

Easy, Jesse.

This morning I received these words from the Universe
in the form of a frazzled voice that sounded a lot like my own.

Put The Shovel Down

Put the shovel down and appreciate the progress made.

The endless lists – not just the ones posted on the kitchen cupboard, but the ones cataloged in her mind – had helped to get her here. Those words had changed her. She’d certainly improved. When comparing herself to where she’d been even six years ago, she’d come a long way.

Breathing was easier. Sleep was deeper. Certainly her kids were happier. But why was she still dealing with an ever-present dark shadow? Why would she wake enthusiastic and light-footed only to run headlong into the shadow by day’s end?

She’d stop long enough to sit with an iced tea and settle her mind – to the extent that she could. She’d approach her thoughts like an efficient, eager-to-please administrative assistant organizing piles on her desk into Handle Now, Needs More Info, Suspends, and Circular File.

Which of the thoughts were coalescing into the dark shadow? Which thoughts continued to haunt her? Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 24 Comments
16
May 11

A Charmed Life

skater-dude The front door flew open. I looked up just in time to see him toss his helmet on the couch. “Mom! You got the house phone, right? Did dad call?”

“Not yet, Will. You sent a bunch of texts and a couple voice mails. He must be busy. He’ll get back to you.”

Against all odds, Will had invited his dad to check out the remaining snow on the ski hill. It was the sort of outing that Mark usually suggested, so there was a good chance he might consider going. In fact, Mark had said that it sounded like a good thing to do on a Sunday since he’d be done with work. Later, when Will realized what he was in for, he said, “What did I do that for? Why did I invite dad? I always think it sounds like a good idea, but it’s never that great when we actually go.”

That’s how it is for the child of a narcissist – they crave the attention of that narcissistic parent like any kid craves attention from a parent, only when they get the attention, they usually end up hurt, rejected or dismissed. Or, they get hurt when the parent doesn’t show up, even if there’s a sense of relief that they are spared another unpleasant visit. Continue reading →

Quotes / Random Observations — Comments Off
19
Apr 10

Friends

A good friend is a connection to life —
a tie to the past, a road to the future,
the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

Lois Wyse

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 6 Comments
30
Mar 10

The Guy With The Alex de Grassi Album

I’m tired of reading about how women don’t like the nice guys. I know they are out there. I’d like to like one, I just don’t know how to act around a nice guy.

My imprinting didn’t include any instructions on what to do when a guy is nice.

I was telling someone the other day that I do real well opening up if I’m not worried about whether I’m liked or not. But if I’m in a relationship, and I’m asked personal stuff, I hesitate to reveal much because he might hear something he doesn’t like. And then where would that leave me? There’s too much at stake.

I didn’t say that any of this would make sense.

Continue reading →

Quotes — 1 Comment
9
Aug 09