It wasn’t because I was on my second glass of liquid courage.
It wasn’t because my kids were milling about and I was trying to lead by example.
It wasn’t because I’d been reading The Inner Pulse, by Marc Siegel.
It was because I wrote of this very thing in Seeing My Path.
I inherently believe that I can’t change others.
I do believe change can begin with me. Continue reading →
I am a work in progress and so is this blog.
First, some chronology to set the stage:
5 1/2 years ago – Stuff three boxes, buckle two young kids into car seats, leave husband, nice house, financially secure future, perpetual stomach aches and nicest yard* I’ll ever tend.
5 years, 5 months ago – Discover NPD and naively present the concept to narcissistic husband and helplessly watch as message falls on deaf ears.
5 years, 3 months ago – Buy tiny, cozy, safe home for the three of us. Put holes in walls, roll in grass that is never fertilized, refuse to make beds, leave projects out in plain sight, smile and laugh every day.
4 years, 4 months ago – Youngest starts public school. Take a temporary, part-time job with family. Rush between commitments like every other family in the U.S. Stomach aches start to make a reappearance.
4 years ago – Divorce is finalized. Kids seem to be coping well with divorce, not so well with public school. Continue reading →
I stop at the top of the hill and yell for them to keep going. I want to watch them.
I plant my poles, snug my hat down a bit and wrap my arms around myself to block the chill.
The temperature hovers at 10 degrees. It’s beautiful windless cold – the crisp blue of a winter sky when the light makes edges sharp.
I take a mitten off to wipe my nose.
I quick jam my hand back in the mitten and tuck thumbs into the finger sides to soak up the warmth generated by many. Thumbs have it tough. They can’t generate enough heat all by their lonesome. They need company to have any shot at getting warm. Continue reading →
Dear Santa,
I hope this letter finds you and Mrs. Claus feeling healthy, happy and optimistic about the New Year. Please know how much I appreciate the way you spread good cheer and lighten the mood in our little home.
I bought myself boots this year, Santa, so I’m covered. I’m being presumptuous, I know, but I wonder if you could see to it that our friends on the blog get some good things this year.
I’m sure you’ve noticed that they always put their own needs and wants last. Perhaps you could put them at the top of your list this year.
Thank you, Santa. I don’t have to tell you how deserving they are. Best wishes to you and Mrs. Claus.
__________
Merry Christmas friends.
Thanks for all your kind wishes this year.
The front door flew open. I looked up just in time to see him toss his helmet on the couch. “Mom! You got the house phone, right? Did dad call?”
“Not yet, Will. You sent a bunch of texts and a couple voice mails. He must be busy. He’ll get back to you.”
Against all odds, Will had invited his dad to check out the remaining snow on the ski hill. It was the sort of outing that Mark usually suggested, so there was a good chance he might consider going. In fact, Mark had said that it sounded like a good thing to do on a Sunday since he’d be done with work. Later, when Will realized what he was in for, he said, “What did I do that for? Why did I invite dad? I always think it sounds like a good idea, but it’s never that great when we actually go.”
That’s how it is for the child of a narcissist – they crave the attention of that narcissistic parent like any kid craves attention from a parent, only when they get the attention, they usually end up hurt, rejected or dismissed. Or, they get hurt when the parent doesn’t show up, even if there’s a sense of relief that they are spared another unpleasant visit. Continue reading →
A good friend is a connection to life —
I ended up raking leaves today. The wind had done a good job, but there were still quite a few leaves in the back yard – probably has something to do with the fencing.
The sky was gray, and the air had that feeling like the clouds were getting ready to unload their piles of snow. It lent a certain urgency to the raking. I kept telling myself that a cup of coffee would taste that much better if I got one more chore crossed off the list.
__________
I remember after 9/11, I was cleaning my kitchen and thinking, “God, I’m so lucky, I get to clean my kitchen.” It seemed that I shouldn’t allow myself to complain about chores when so many would never be able to complain again. I felt like that while raking leaves today.
I’m lucky that I can rake. Continue reading →
