humor « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: humor

More On High School Reunions

“You mean, simply by following my path, I will have complete confidence in everything I say? I’ll spew wise words, funny tidbits, and wow everyone at cocktail parties? All I have to do is be true to myself, show the world who I am, and I’ll never embarrass myself again?”

“It’s not like that. Although that would be nice. It’s not about suddenly becoming a sage with a great sense of comedic timing. It’s about speaking from the place of knowing who you are, having a good heart, and sharing that with the world. It’s about trusting your intentions.

Yes, you are going to say ridiculous things. You probably will still be the type who speaks before the filters have kicked in. The point is that you are speaking authentically. You aren’t couching your words to please another. You won’t be sizing up the audience to try to determine what they would most like to hear.

You will be offering up what is in your heart and mind. Some words will be wise. Some words will be funny. Some words will undoubtedly be stupid.

But they will be your words. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 1 Comment
25
Jul 10

Last Night’s Dream

stacks-of-books We were standing at the coffee bar in an independently owned bookstore. The bookstore was the center of what was a farmer’s market – lots of individual booths selling candles, handcrafts, chocolates and cookies, kites, sunglasses and other things you might think you want, but you’ve managed to live without up ‘til now. The air was filled with the happy Saturday buzz that comes from relaxed people who aren’t rushing to work or appointments.

We had been chatting about what new book we wanted to check out when the female barista came to take our drink order. He gave her his most engaging smile, and she seemed to melt under his gaze.

And for what seemed like the millionth time, I felt those familiar pangs. The strings attached to my heart were yanked, and I felt a palpable twinge – that twinge I get every time he smiles at someone (a woman) other than me. I stood there, watching their exchange, telling myself, “For God’s sake, he’s just ordering coffee. He’s not asking her to jump in the sack.”

But the pangs intensified.

I tried to talk my heart into relaxing. I tried to explain to my heart that a lifetime of insecurities has created this habit of flinching every time the person I love devotes attention to any female other than me. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 4 Comments
23
Jul 10

On High School Reunions

Last night I went to my 30th high school reunion. I had a great time, even though I thought I might have to pull my car to the side of the road and throw up on the way there. All the insecurities I dealt with 30 years ago seemed to bubble to the surface, as my car approached the tavern where the event was held.

It was fun.

I’m glad it’s over.

Note to high school reunion planners: Continue reading →

Moving On / Recipes / Tools — 4 Comments
19
Jul 10

Chicken and Broccoli Fettuccine or… Recipe For Those Who Don’t Follow Rules or Recipes

chicken-and-broccoli-fettucini I would classify myself as someone who doesn’t follow rules well. However, I am not a rule breaker. There’s a difference. A rule breaker intentionally sets out to take an action that flies in the face of a particular rule. I have a tendency to dance around rules, skirt them, avoid them, or even go so far as to pretend to follow, while all the while completely ignoring a rule.

I’m not talking about stringent rules like stopping at stop signs, filing taxes by April 15th, paying bills on time and brushing my teeth twice a day. I’m talking about societal rules that we take for granted – rules that are designed to help us all live together and cooperate – rules that direct conduct and behavior.

I don’t like writing on lined paper. Lined paper reminds me of my third grade teacher, hands on hips, nagging us to keep our writing between the lines. I prefer a clear blank sheet of paper, where letters are free to stretch their legs and go where they want to go.

I was explaining to Will that it is important to make eye contact with people when you are engaged in conversation. He said, “I can hear what they are saying, why do I have to look at them, if it makes me uncomfortable?” My explanation was that society expects this kind of behavior. People (not all cultures, but many) believe that if you aren’t looking at them when you are conversing, then you aren’t paying attention. Will said, “But what if I’m not comfortable with that?” And I heard myself say, “Well, honey, I guess you have to make yourself uncomfortable, so as to show respect to the person you are talking to.”

Huh? Continue reading →

Quotes — 4 Comments
18
Jul 10

On Tying The Knot

What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

George Bernard Shaw

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Mignon McLaughlin

Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.

James C. Dobson

Come, let’s be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with.

Charles Dickens

Oh happy day!

Stan and Rose tied the knot today!

Moving On / Tools — 7 Comments
13
Jul 10

Love Letter To Commenters

columbine I’ve been writing on this blog for almost a year. I remember the day I received my first comment. “Will! Jenny! Someone actually commented on my blog! They liked my blog enough to comment. Someone read what I wrote! You guys! Isn’t that crazy/weird/awesome/scary/fantastic?”

And then I felt self-conscious. I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me to be self-conscious prior to receiving that first comment. But a comment does mean that someone actually read the blog, rather than some sort of spambot stopping by and doing whatever it is spambots do.

And then I received another comment.

These comments were from complete strangers. There were people out there, that I didn’t know, and they were reading and taking the time to send encouraging words back.

It felt great. Better than great. Continue reading →

Moving On / Tools — 4 Comments
10
Jul 10

The Stuff in Storage

Have you ever had stuff in storage? Do you pay monthly rent on a storage unit? Do you stuff boxes in an attic or on a garage shelf only to forget what is in the box, and then have to dig through to reacquaint yourself with your own belongings?

On June 23rd I put most of my life in storage. That’s an analogy. I didn’t really box everything up, label the boxes with a Sharpie, stuff the boxes on the highest shelf and turn the key on a lock that would keep ‘my stuff’ safe.

I had recently switched how my little house gained access to the internet, tried to limit how much we watched TV, and ditched the landline. I was attempting to save us some money, while still allowing us access to the things we love and can learn from, without the possibility of turning little impressionable minds into jello with all the stuff we’d been watching on TV.

On June 23rd, we were ten days into our new internet plan, and we’d surpassed our allotted budget of internet usage by $100. Yep. I didn’t do a real great job on my homework. This new plan didn’t account for how much we use the internet for learning, video streaming, Googling interesting videos on the best dogs for kids, how to design fashions for Barbie, or even watching The Jetsons.

It was a bozo move on my part. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 5 Comments
28
Jun 10

The Narcissist’s Other Shoe

This is the calm before the storm. Or is it? After Mark’s last email to Will, we have not heard much from him. It has been quite pleasant around here. Although, there is a part of me that wonders what’s coming next.

Will received that lengthy, mom-bashing, blame-laying, ‘your life wouldn’t be what it is today without all the sacrifices I’ve made for you’ email on the day before Father’s Day. Jenny and Will opted not to call him. On the evening of Father’s Day, Mark left a message asking only to talk to Jenny. Jenny begrudgingly returned his call on Monday. It sounded like Mark was actually asking detailed questions about her weekend. He did not ask to talk to Will.

On Tuesday, Mark called, and this time asked to talk to Will. He had some story about his neighbors, to relay to Will. He ended the conversation by saying, “Hey, I’m floating the river tomorrow. Do you want to come?” He didn’t discuss the email, or Will’s lack of response to his email. After Will got off the phone, he shook his head and said, “Dad is doing that thing where he is pretending that everything is fine.”

Will didn’t go floating with Mark.

I answered the phone on Thursday. Mark asked if the kids were home. I held up the phone and said, “You guys, it’s your dad.” They both looked at me, shook their heads, and whispered, “NO! We don’t want to talk to him.” Instead of forcing them to talk to their dad, I said, “Mark, neither one of the kids wants to come to the phone.” He sternly said, “Okay. Goodbye.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 11 Comments
22
Jun 10

When The Path Is Overgrown

orange-wildflowers I am the stream. I am the stream. I am the stream.

Yeah.

Whatever.

There are a few more rapids in the stream today.

I do believe in the stream. I am the stream. But, today I needed a little help getting around a humongous boulder. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Opportunistic / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
21
Jun 10

I Am The Stream

the-missouri I thought about posting the most damning quotes from the emails received from Mark in the last few days. I thought I might even write about how Mark is telling Will that while every boy needs a mom, they don’t need a mom who poisons them with the hate they feel for that boy’s dad. I thought I’d even post entire copies of those emails. (Trust me. They far exceed the 1000 word limit that a lot of bloggers prefer.) I thought of posting his criticisms and defending myself. His writings further prove his disorder, so it certainly would be more fodder for this blog.

And when I pictured myself typing those things, I saw battery acid oozing out of my finger tips. The acid flowed over the keyboard and cemented the keys, so that I could no longer type.

I can’t type that negative stuff.

I can’t give more life to his hateful words.

It was the night before Father’s Day, when Will read Mark’s recent email out loud. The kids didn’t cry. They didn’t pace the floor and exclaim that they don’t understand how their dad could write such things. They didn’t beg to sleep in my bed because they were so hurt or bruised by Mark’s words. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Seeing My Path — 13 Comments
20
Jun 10

Happy Father’s Day to Me

I have learned how to throw a spiral.

I ski on the days when it’s too damn cold, though I’d rather be sitting by the fire reading a good book.

I routinely embarrass myself on the golf course.

I know the difference between an ollie, a nosegrind and a kickflip.

I laugh at their burp competitions.

I let them spit sunflower seed shells at each other – until I can’t stand it any more.

I let her cut up her new Barbie outfits because she loves to “alter” things.

I remind her every day that she’s beautiful, and strong, and smart.

I remind him that the strongest men are tender – that they don’t hide their feelings.

I watch hours of skateboarding DVDs, listen to volumes of data on the intricacies of different players’ golf swings, and help build snowboard jumps off our front step.

I let her know that what she has to say is just as important as what anyone else has to say.

I shoot hoops and play h.o.r.s.e, although sometimes I’ve been known to forget and call it h.o.u.s.e.

I carry her to bed some nights, even though she’s getting too heavy for me, because a strong daddy would carry his little girl to bed.

I try not to watch when he rides his bike ‘no hands’.

I put worms on hooks when I’d rather not. I let him mow the lawn even though I worry that he’ll get hurt. I try not to baby him in front of others, and I try to treat her like a princess without letting it go to her head.

Once in awhile, when no one is looking, I’ll let them take turns sitting in the passenger seat, and practice shifting gears

I try not to tell him to ‘knock it off’ when he drinks out of the milk carton, even though that drives me nuts. I let them squirt the whipping cream straight into their mouths.

I am trying my best.

Today I will look in the mirror and say, “Happy Father’s Day,” to myself.

To all the fathering mothers and the fathering fathers, thank you for all the good work you do.

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
17
Jun 10

When Fear is the Bus Driver

“Whoa! That was a fun ride!” she says, facetiously. I’m sure it won’t be the last time Fear drives this bus. But, for now, I’m back behind the wheel. I’ve got to look into getting some seat belts installed on this thing. The view from the back seat was interesting, but a little blurry because Fear was driving so fast. That’s probably why I was up the night before last, vomiting. Fear does that to me. It’s a lot like car sickness.

This morning is cold, cloudy and rainy. My mood, however, matches a 75 degree, sunny, windless day.

I’m driving now, and I have my confidence back. The ride is smoother, more leisurely, and I’m sure we’ll stop for snacks and take in a matinee.

Fear took control of the bus when I lost faith in myself and what I know to be true.

I was silencing my own voice, to better hear what others had to say. But I forgot that no one knows my kids as well as I do. No one knows their hurts, their insecurities and their fears like me, because I know how they got them. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 4 Comments
14
Jun 10

From the Sidelines to the Stands

I spent some time on the sidelines. I was too close to the game, and couldn’t see the action well. I moved to the stands. I can see the game better, and it’s a lot more comfy here, too. It’s best that I’m further from the action. They can’t hear me when I fail at keeping my mouth shut. I’m sitting on one of those cushions with the attached back. There’s no one sitting in front of me, so my feet are up. I’ve got popcorn and an icy cold beer.

My kids are suiting up for another run at this ‘game’ at grandma’s. Last night, Jenny slept with me again. She’s dreading today and couldn’t get to sleep because she can’t quit thinking about how her dad just doesn’t see her. This morning, Will said, “I am done with these visits. I just feel beat down.”

I’m picturing my kids suited up for a football game. We’ve only recently gotten into watching football. There hasn’t been a dad around to spend Sundays watching the games, so we don’t really know how the game is played. Will certainly knows more than Jen and I do. But he still doesn’t understand penalties and downs and all that stuff. They are begrudgingly putting on their shoulder pads and helmets. After a few encouraging shouts from the stands, they will drag their butts up the hill to grandma’s house.

I tried the coaching bit for eleven years. Perhaps I’d have done a better job if I’d known more how the game was played. It seems the other team (Mark) keeps changing the rules. Each time my kids were tackled, I’d rush out to the field, help them up and encourage them to get back in the game. It took me quite awhile before I realized that Mark kept changing the rules. I was encouraging the kids to play fair. After each tackle, it became harder and harder to talk them into going back in for what they knew would be another hit. I hoped they’d be able to play better as they got older. At this point, they pretty much hate the game altogether. They don’t even want to be near the stadium, let alone on the field.

Now, with my mom as coach, it’ll be interesting to see how the rest of the game plays. Initially, Jen and Will were cautiously optimistic. This new coach did a better job of getting them psyched before the game. She was a lot more enthusiastic about the potential outcome. She really believed we could win this thing, and her spunk was contagious. The three of us were ready for a new coach because we were sick and tired and bruised from losing every stinkin’ game. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 7 Comments
9
Jun 10

The Narcissist’s Instincts

I woke to the sound of our cat crunching on her breakfast. We buy her the good stuff. I’m sure that’s why she’s so nice to us. Then I heard her claws click across the hardwoods as she made her way down the hall and across my bedroom. I heard the pause before she jumped on my bed. She snuggled in for a morning nap after filling her belly. My bed sets beside a sliding glass door that looks out on the Poplar in the back yard. Just as the cat closed her eyes, I saw a Robin land on the shed roof next to the Poplar.

I don’t know how my cat saw the Robin with her eyes closed. There wasn’t a sound to alert her. Her body tensed, her hair stood on end, and she started making that chattering sound that cats make when all-systems-are-go, and there’s a victim to be trounced upon. Her instincts kicked in. She went from full belly/drowsy eyes to ready to pounce in 2.3 seconds.

That is the power of instinct.

I didn’t babysit much as a teenager. I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hold babies. Truth is, I was afraid of babies and their needs and their vulnerability. I didn’t think they were particularly cute, and they smelled weird.

As I got older, I got to a place where I actually wanted a baby. It was a foreign concept and a new feeling for me. I felt this longing, but I couldn’t conceptualize why I wanted this thing that I hadn’t been interested in. I won’t go into the clock ticking and the insatiable hunger and that stuff. It was just this low-grade hum that kept telling me, “You want this. Your life isn’t complete without this.” Continue reading →

Homeschool / Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 26 Comments
6
Jun 10

When To Break From the Herd

I do follow the rules in unfamiliar situations. I read the signs, ask for directions, follow the guidelines and survey the expert opinions. But once I’m in my comfort zone, I start to look at things differently. I start to ask, “Why?” I’m not trying to be belligerent. I’m trying to understand if the reason something “has always been done that way” is really the right reason for doing it that way.

I ask a lot of questions.

Public school is the way that educating has always been done. Is that the right way for the three of us?

I have a lot of questions.

The decision of home school versus public school is weighing heavily. Actually, it wouldn’t weigh anything if my natural inclination was to follow the herd. I wonder if the herd has all the answers. Just because public school has always been the commonly accepted way to teach, can’t there be other good options for kids and moms on the fringe of the herd? Continue reading →