love « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: love

Army of Love

army-of-love “Mom, will you help me make a bunch of paper airplanes? I’m making an Army of Love.” Jenny showed me how to fold the paper, told me the color order and where the gas tank went, and we made 13 paper jets. As we were folding and coloring and giggling and talking of paper cuts, I asked her how she came up with the idea. “I dunno,” she said. “It’s a good idea. I think they should fly over the world dropping candy hearts, like little love bombs.”

While my daughter might have a fine imagination, she also knows of the practicality of forming an Army of Love. I don’t need to spoil the fun by saying, “Come on, Jen, do you really think there’d ever be such a thing? Wouldn’t it really be an Air Force of Love, even if it could be real?”

She’s exploring possibility through art and writing. She’s gotten a taste of the more unpleasant aspects of life. It’s good to balance that with the freedom to try, to imagine, to pretend.

It’s good to be free to wonder.

It’s good to be allowed to try, with the belief that anything is possible. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 14 Comments
14
Feb 11

When Will We Get There?

We see a lot of roadside memorials in this part of the West. We often drive long stretches between destinations, and it is not uncommon to see several death markers en route. I can’t remember when I first asked my mom what they were, but those markers are as much a part of any drive as wheat fields, mountains, deer and blue sky. Often, the crosses are adorned with plastic flowers or wreaths or ribbons.

I’d never actually witnessed an individual decorating their loved one’s cross. I’ve never seen a new cross being put in place to honor the victim of a fatal car crash.

__________

On the way home from the ski hill, grandpa piloted the car with the three grandkids. I imagine he got ears full of stories of jumps, gooey cheese fries, bruises, near crashes and other amazing tales of the day spent on the slopes.

I enjoyed a grown up conversation with my brother as we followed behind in a separate, quiet rig. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 6 Comments
2
Feb 11

Adjusting My Lens

friendship-bracelets I can’t deliver a swift ass-kicking to Mubarak, save all those children and spread a blanket of calm and peace over Egypt.

I can’t reverse the path of the Cat 5 cyclone currently heading for Australia.

I can’t warm up the temps, or remove all the snow from the Midwest.

I can’t save Polar Bears or Fringed Campion or Bog Turtles or Ocelots from complete extinction.

I can’t resolve the argument over baby-wearing or convince everyone that breast feeding is best.

I can’t make my garage door work reliably in sub-zero temps.

I can’t fix Mark.

…

I can teach my daughter how to crochet friendship bracelets.

I can train my cat to stay off the dining room table.

I can keep the wood stove burning and keep the nest cozy for my kids.

I can teach my kids math and history, a love of reading, and how to remember who is collecting which cards in Screwie Louie.

I can re-train my brain to find the happier grooves, and hit play.

I can hit pause when my brain tends to like to land on the sad grooves.

I can show Jenny and Will what it takes to be a good friend, by teaching them how to email or address an envelope.

I can show my kids how to save their money for stuff they really want, instead of wasting it on Hubba Bubba and Mountain Dew.

I can have a hot meal on the table when Will comes home from skiing with his dad.

I can show Jen and Will how to listen to each other, acknowledge feelings and then tease and laugh and move on without sinking into a funk.

…

As much as I care about others, and about what is going on in the rest of the world, I can’t do anything to help.

I can focus on my own little world and make a difference here.

Child of Narcissist / Quotes / Tools — 8 Comments
1
Feb 11

Getting Good at Laughing

Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day.

Ann Landers

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / Tools — 8 Comments
25
Jan 11

Wise Words from Wee People

Jenny: Tina has a quote on her bathroom mirror. It says…

Life isn’t about waiting for the rain to stop.

Life is about learning to dance in the rain.

Will: I guess ski days with dad are like dancing in the rain.

Random Observations — 14 Comments
16
Jan 11

Cowboy Up

tony-lamas His Wranglers and Tony Lamas were broken in to that soft, but not too-distressed phase. He walked with a purpose – chest puffed out, arms swinging, head held high.

Even though it was only 4 degrees outside, he didn’t bother with zipping his ranch coat. There was no need for gloves.

He strutted back and forth in front of my vehicle. He was confident and independent.

… Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 20 Comments
12
Jan 11

On Writing, the Universe, and Whiplash

One night, almost a year ago, I came bounding out of bed in the middle of the night with an idea for a post. I’d swear something had yanked me by the collar of my pjs.

I fixed a cup of tea and started writing. It was as if this post had built up in my mind while I was sleeping. It couldn’t wait until morning to be spilled out on the keyboard.

That post got me in some hot water. When I completed it – in about twenty minutes – I didn’t step back and anticipate that I might be getting myself in trouble for posting it. There was no question about hitting the ‘publish’ button.

To this day, I don’t know where that post came from.

This post arrived the same way. Continue reading →

Moving On / Opportunistic / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 Comments
6
Jan 11

Solving a Mystery

This morning I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on a post about boundaries. I’d been convinced that things were going well with Mark because we had put some boundaries in place that protected us from hurts, while allowing for a modicum of a relationship with Mark.

He has been quite pleasant.

In the back of my mind, I’d been wondering if it’s really about boundaries.

Everything I’ve read about narcissists would indicate that a narcissist doesn’t respect boundaries. A narcissist goes through life looking for a source. Boundaries be damned. A narcissist doesn’t respect the needs of others, therefore, it would stand to reason that a narcissist would completely ignore any boundaries that a source might set.

I wanted to be able to explain this turn of events. Continue reading →

Moving On / Tools — 9 Comments
31
Dec 10

A Fond Farewell to 2010

big-old-tree You might be thinking that I’m counting down the minutes until 2010 comes to a close. You might be thinking that I am running in the direction of 2011.

I could let the screen door hit 2010 in the butt, on its way out.

I could give it a swift kick for good measure.

This last year was full of tears, and 2 x 4s to the head, and dashed hopes as well as triumphs and lessons learned. We experienced real, tangible, sustainable growth.

We worked hard. Continue reading →

Control / Moving On / Quotes — 6 Comments
29
Dec 10

The Strength of Criticism

The strength of criticism lies only in
the weakness of the thing criticized.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This brings to mind another favorite quote on Power.

*Both quotes remind me to check the mirror and make sure that I’m standing straight and tall.

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 7 Comments
22
Dec 10

An Early Christmas Present

best-friend There was tech-decking at 2:30 a.m. There were empty cans of Coke on every table, hot chili pepper eating contests, loudest burp contests, and soggy ski pants, mittens, hats, and sweatshirts strewn from one end of the house to the other.

I couldn’t be happier.

Jenny has had a best girlfriend for a couple years now. I was concerned that when we ditched public school, we’d sacrifice her friendship. I know now, that those girls would be friends even if one family or the other moved to the other side of the country. They may not see each other every day at school, but when they do see each other or talk on the phone, they always pick up right where they leave off.

That is the mark of a true friendship – picking up where you leave off.

They have a connection through Barbies, or ponies, or rock polishing or dress-up or whatever. I don’t even know what it is, but it is very special. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy — 22 Comments
19
Dec 10

Dear Dad

I’m not mad at you any more. I’m guessing that you didn’t realize I was mad at you.

I’ve been mad at you for a real long time.

I wasn’t mad when you and mom got a divorce. I was mad after the divorce, when you never came around. I was mad when you said you’d come by, and you didn’t. I was mad at you for finding things to do with my brother, but not being able to find things to do with me.

It hurt my feelings when you couldn’t think of anything to talk with me about, or when you couldn’t make an effort at being interested in my life.

You never told me I was pretty or smart or capable or funny. Now I am insecure and lacking in self-confidence.

I was mad at you for expecting me to be the one to call. I had to be the one to create a relationship with you. When I dropped the ball on our relationship, and quit trying, you never picked it back up. You were content to just let things slide. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 7 Comments
9
Dec 10

Some Days Are Like That

old-blue-enamel-pot1 I make a damn good cup of coffee. I make oatmeal with the perfect ratio of oats – walnuts – cinnamon – nutmeg. Nobody cleans a cat box like I do. You’d be amazed at how quickly I can fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes. I even find all the socks, almost every time.

And some days, that’s the best I can come up with when trying to cheer myself up and get out of the funk.

When staring at the too-bright laptop screen at 5:15 a.m., my eyes are blurry – not from being tired, but from fussing over the pages of the book I’m trying to finish.

I bounce over to Twitter to get some inspiration and find a few laughs or a couple good posts to read. The distraction takes my mind off the fact that I doubt myself.

I doubt my abilities as a mom. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Tools — 4 Comments
4
Dec 10

Thoughts On Love, Sacrifice and Cat Hair on the Keyboard

It’s still dark. I can barely make out the fog hanging over the park. Kids are still snuggled in cozy beds. After making my first cup of coffee, I light the fire and sit to cruise web sites and formulate a blog post.

Suddenly our cat jumps up on my lap.

She kneads for a bit, changes position, snags my robe with her claws, looks me in the face and sniffs my coffee.

I could put her down, but I don’t.

She wants to soak up some of my body heat. It’s really cold this morning. I love this patient cat. She’s inconveniencing me like crazy, but she’s a sweetheart and I can’t put her down. Continue reading →

Moving On / Quotes — 2 Comments
30
Nov 10