narcissistic behavior « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: narcissistic behavior

The Tyranny of Narcissism

Guest Post by Zaira

Tyranny is unjust, harsh, oppressive, and abusive, but most importantly, it lacks legitimacy. This describes my marriage and continues to be my experience with the Narcissist. If you have been involved with a narcissist, I am sure you can relate to counting the days until you are completely free to cut all communications.

I am hoping to survive the next 8 years and 4 months without going completely broke or found guilty in contempt of court. He has promised both of these gifts to me.

There was a time, shortly after I left him, that he tried to convince me that we could work it out. Every poem, flower delivery, and byline of “I love you” made my stomach cringe. I recognized that person from a distant memory – the one who wooed and impressed me so long ago. The harder he tried, the worse the nausea got. There was something punching me from the inside screaming to be strong and end it. It knew he was lying then. I knew he was lying then… playing a part to save face. Now I am reminded often that I was right.

Here is a snippet of what I receive now in my Inbox:

“An interesting email, however you sound like a bad campaign speech. You have not answered a single question and spout unfounded accusations.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
16
Oct 12

Mission Impossible: Relationship With a Narcissist

You could make a conscious choice to give up on pursuing your dreams, your goals and your passions.

You could end relationships with best friends from college, family members and the women in your book club.

You could always eat at her favorite restaurant, wear your hair the way he likes, decorate your house to please her, cook only his favorite meals, and forget that you ever had preferences of your own.

You could have conversations where you do all the listening and never get to speak of what is on your mind or in your heart.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting — 11 Comments
13
Oct 12

What Would You Say?

She said, “Mom, how much longer do I have to do these dad visits?”

What would you say?

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 13 Comments
11
Oct 12

When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins

It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you. They have much more important things to do.

But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.

If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:

“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table. Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”

“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom? I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project. Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”

“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”

“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”

“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house. You guys get your own.”

“Make the mouth bigger. You won’t be able to see it from the street.”

“No, that’s not how to do the eyes. Here, let me show you.”

“Hey, watch it! You got some on the floor.”

“Push up your sleeves. You’re getting it all over everything.”

“You guys aren’t listening to me.”

At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins. That way they’ll be done right.”

On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.

Child of Narcissist / Control / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 12 Comments
26
Sep 12

What Control Looks Like

Control looks like two exhausted kids, asleep in their car seats, while dad detours to wash the car after a long day of hiking. “Never mind how exhausted and hungry you guys are, this car has to look good.”

Control looks like the business owner who still insists on handling every detail of running a business because no one else is competent enough to handle even the most mundane tasks.

Control looks like the hair style that hasn’t been in style in twelve years. You know the one – it’s untouchable, unnatural and hard as a helmet from several coats of hair spray. “Mess with my hair and I’ll mess with you.”

Control looks like the family walking through Disneyland dressed in matching shorts, t-shirts and ball caps. If you see them from the front, they all have the same grimace on their faces. They’ve been coached to pretend to look like they’re having fun.

Control looks like the house that is never in need of dusting. Every art object is displayed in the right light. Every piece of furniture is placed at the best angle. This house isn’t lived it – living is messy. This house is for show. Continue reading →

Quotes — 3 Comments
22
Sep 12

Looking Good

Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.

– Emmet Fox

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 12 Comments
19
Sep 12

Narcissists Need to Criticize

“You should have used a brush instead of spray paint.”

“Honey, that’s not what a horse looks like. Let me show you how to draw a horse correctly. And shouldn’t the trees have green leaves instead of purple?”

“The rice needs more soy, but other than that it’s decent.”

“I know you are the one with the degree in marketing, but is that the correct font for that mailer?”

“Let me proofread that. You usually miss something.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 15 Comments
11
Sep 12

Explaining Narcissism to Kids

“How come he says I can use his camera, and then he tells me what pictures to take, and how to take ’em?”

“He can’t help it. He thinks what you do is part of who he is, and whatever he does has to look good to the rest of the world. That means that what you do has to look good, too. “

“Well why does he care so much about what the rest of the world thinks?”

“Because he doesn’t feel good about himself. If he can convince the world that he is awesome, then he’ll like himself better.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Guest Posts / Parenting / Stories — 7 Comments
5
Sep 12

The Anxiety of Narcissism

Guest Post by Zaira

A narcissist goes to the bar early on Saturday to watch a football game with his son, who is 9, and his friends. He proceeds to drink all day, so much so, that he is passed out by 7pm and doesn’t wake up until well after his child has put himself to bed.

His son has called his mother and pleaded to come home at that instant, but she is restricted by the court and cannot pick him up from this situation unless his father agrees. The son tried to wake his father up on numerous occasions with no response and is crying because he just wants permission to use the internet to entertain himself. He is lonely and afraid to even turn on the television because it is against his father’s rules.

If his mother was to act in the best interest of her child, she would be faced with another contempt of court action by the father and even though he has driven home drunk with his child in the car and left him unattended in his drunken stupor, the law would uphold his complaint and hold the mother in contempt.

The mother talks to her son as long as she can, promises not to tell that he turned on the television, has him check all the doors to make sure they are locked, and says bedtime prayers with him after he tucks himself in.

At 2-something am, apparently after he has finally slept off the alcohol, the narcissist berates his ex-wife in an email accusing her of being irresponsible. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 15 Comments
28
Aug 12

The Narcissism Survivor’s Tool Box

Braced against the sheer, shaley side of a ravine, holding the handle bar of his bike, he yelled, “Dad! Dad, I need help here. I’m about to lose my bike! Dad! Help!” He was torn between letting his bike fall to the 15 foot pool at the base of the ravine, or worse, falling with his bike.

He was able to reach his water bottle. After taking a sip, he tried to yell again, but he couldn’t get his dad’s attention. He would have to hang on longer.

He waited, balanced on the brink, wondering why he’d agreed to go on another one of these all-day adventures.

The adventures had gotten better now that he was older, but he still ended up with an upset stomach from the exposure and risk that his dad took for granted.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
24
Aug 12

On Being The Windshield

Sometimes your the windshield,
Sometimes your the bug.

-The Bug Lyrics
Mary Chapin Carpenter

A month ago, we told Mark that his scheduled visits weren’t working for us.

He had been the one to print the calendars and assign the visit days and hours per visit. He delivered the calendars sometimes two months in advance and, in most cases, refused to be flexible saying, “The calendar was printed two months ago. The kids know the schedule. There will be no changes or cancellations.”

Life doesn’t work that way – especially with curious, creative, active young people.

Cousins come to town and want to spend every waking – heck, even the sleeping – moment with cousins they see only once a year.

Friends call with invites to fish or solve mysteries or paint or golf or just hang out all day without plans. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin. We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Stories / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 25 Comments
17
Jul 12

A Wink From the Universe

She certainly didn’t need another cup of coffee.

She looked inside her purse to make sure the box of Pepcid was there. She wouldn’t have been surprised if – in the panic this morning – she’d left it on the kitchen counter.

Good. There was the Pepcid. She took one with a sip of cold coffee.

The worst part about these court appearances is that they were early in the day – too early for liquid courage.

At least the kids didn’t have to be at this court appearance. It was stressful enough without having to consider the emotional fallout from the kids. It’s not like she could pump them full of antacids.

__________ Continue reading →

Moving On / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
13
Jul 12

Your Narcissism Handbook

This isn’t a bullet-point list of the ten proven steps you can take – tonight – to please your narcissist.

This isn’t the CliffsNotes Guide to convincing your counselor of your spouse’s NPD.

This isn’t the ultimate guide to finding an attorney who believes you when you try to convince her that your spouse’s charm is a ruse, and that he’ll take you to the cleaners, and trample his own kids on the way to the bank.

This isn’t the long-awaited recipe for a homeopathic remedy that you slip into your wife’s coffee in the morning in hopes she’ll come home, wrap you in her arms, apologize for treating you poorly, and promise to make you the priority you deserve to be.

This isn’t the iPhone app that supplies the snarky comebacks you wish you were quick enough to come up with to say to the narcissist in the next cubicle. Continue reading →