Posts Tagged: survive

Child of Narcissist / Homekeeping / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
17
Mar 11

homekeeping 7

Will is still struggling with images of ghosts entering his mind every night at bedtime.  Jenny just cut five inches off her long blond hair.

I’ve been mopping up the mess as best I can.

I’m providing them with lots of distractions – there’s packing to do, new books to check out, sketch books and art supplies to gather and journals to fill.

We are leaving town in search of Spring and a new perspective.

I’m hoping some sun will warm our winter-weary bones, and heal our bruised psyches. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Recipes / Tools — 3 Comments
1
Mar 11

Goulash, Good Books and Colin Firth

red-potMy grandma called it goulache (goo-lah-key).  She didn’t use paprika like they do in a genuine Hungarian Goulash.  My version is more of a whatever’s-in-the-kitchen-pantry variety.  It’s a take on spaghetti sauce only the vegies are chunkier and the sauce is wetter.  I always make a big batch so as to have some to put in the freezer.  It’s great to have extra on hand for ski days or those days when I’m not wanting to go to the store, which happens to be just about every day.

Goulash is my ultimate comfort food.  Since Winter doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to turn to Spring, I’m fixing Goulash and reading by the fire.

To the kids, I’m reading more in the Merlin series – The Seven Songs of Merlin, by T. A. Barron.

For my own enjoyment I picked up a copy of Molly Ringwald’s, Getting the Pretty Back.  It’s light and funny; she references lots of the stuff from my high school days; and she doesn’t take herself too seriously – just what this weather calls for.  Reading her book is like spending the day at the spa with a girlfriend, sipping lattes, and then wrapping up the day with wine, dinner, freshly painted toes and a cheerier outlook.

Goulash in the Red Pot Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 14 Comments
25
Feb 11

The Paper Chair

the-paper-chairI walk by this chair multiple times a day.  I’ve swept the dust bunnies of cat hair away from the rolled paper legs. I’ve straightened the legs after one of us has cut the corner too tight and clipped the edge of the chair on our way to the kitchen.  Each time I walk by, I wonder what it might be like to be light enough to sit down on this delicate chair.

I picture my spirit sitting on this chair with a white cup of tea.

Lately, my spirit has been heavy.

__________

Jenny made this chair while I was shoveling snow for the 57th time this winter.  I’d have been kicking rocks while I was yammering about the weather, only all the rocks were buried under eight inches of new snow.  While I was shoveling, Will was snowboarding on the fresh snow that blanketed the park across the street.  I could here the gliding sounds of his board.  Every now and again, I’d hear him yelp with excitement when he’d nail another epic kicker. I thought to myself, how can anyone have that much fun in this weather?  It’s 9 degrees outside.  How can that be a desirable way to spend an afternoon? Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — Comments Off on Notes on Advice
23
Feb 11

Notes on Advice

Please  give  me  some  good advice in  your next  letter.
I promise not to follow it.
Edna St. Vincent Millay



When a man won’t listen to his conscience,
it’s usually because he doesn’t want advice from a total stranger.
Lindsey Stewart

 


Advice is what we ask for when
we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
Erica Jong

 


The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
Oscar Wilde

 


A word to the wise ain’t necessary,
it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.
Bill Cosby

 

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 Comments
21
Feb 11

Army of Love

army-of-love“Mom, will you help me make a bunch of paper airplanes?  I’m making an Army of Love.”  Jenny showed me how to fold the paper, told me the color order and where the gas tank went, and we made 13 paper jets.  As we were folding and coloring and giggling and talking of paper cuts, I asked her how she came up with the idea.  “I dunno,” she said.  “It’s a good idea.  I think they should fly over the world dropping candy hearts, like little love bombs.”

While my daughter might have a fine imagination, she also knows of the practicality of forming an Army of Love.  I don’t need to spoil the fun by saying, “Come on, Jen, do you really think there’d ever be such a thing?  Wouldn’t it really be an Air Force of Love, even if it could be real?”

She’s exploring possibility through art and writing.  She’s gotten a taste of the more unpleasant aspects of life.  It’s good to balance that with the freedom to try, to imagine, to pretend.

It’s good to be free to wonder.

It’s good to be allowed to try, with the belief that anything is possible. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 14 Comments
14
Feb 11

When Will We Get There?

We see a lot of roadside memorials in this part of the West.  We often drive long stretches between destinations, and it is not uncommon to see several death markers en route.  I can’t remember when I first asked my mom what they were, but those markers are as much a part of any drive as wheat fields, mountains, deer and blue sky.  Often, the crosses are adorned with plastic flowers or wreaths or ribbons.

I’d never actually witnessed an individual decorating their loved one’s cross.  I’ve never seen a new cross being put in place to honor the victim of a fatal car crash.

__________

On the way home from the ski hill, grandpa piloted the car with the three grandkids.  I imagine he got ears full of stories of jumps, gooey cheese fries, bruises, near crashes and other amazing tales of the day spent on the slopes.

I enjoyed a grown up conversation with my brother as we followed behind in a separate, quiet rig. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 6 Comments
2
Feb 11

Adjusting My Lens

friendship-braceletsI can’t deliver a swift ass-kicking to Mubarak, save all those children and spread a blanket of calm and peace over Egypt.

I can’t reverse the path of the Cat 5 cyclone currently heading for Australia.

I can’t warm up the temps, or remove all the snow from the Midwest.

I can’t save Polar Bears or Fringed Campion or Bog Turtles or Ocelots from complete extinction.

I can’t resolve the argument over baby-wearing or convince everyone that breast feeding is best.

I can’t make my garage door work reliably in sub-zero temps.

I can’t fix Mark.

 


…

 

I can teach my daughter how to crochet friendship bracelets.

I can train my cat to stay off the dining room table.

I can keep the wood stove burning and keep the nest cozy for my kids.

I can teach my kids math and history, a love of reading, and how to remember who is collecting which cards in Screwie Louie.

I can re-train my brain to find the happier grooves, and hit play.

I can hit pause when my brain tends to like to land on the sad grooves.

I can show Jenny and Will what it takes to be a good friend, by teaching them how to email or address an envelope.

I can show my kids how to save their money for stuff they really want, instead of wasting it on Hubba Bubba and Mountain Dew.

I can have a hot meal on the table when Will comes home from skiing with his dad.

I can show Jen and Will how to listen to each other, acknowledge feelings and then tease and laugh and move on without sinking into a funk.

 


…

 

As much as I care about others, and about what is going on in the rest of the world, I can’t do anything to help.

I can focus on my own little world and make a difference here.

 

Child of Narcissist / Quotes / Tools — 8 Comments
1
Feb 11

Getting Good at Laughing

Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day.
Ann Landers

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / Tools — 8 Comments
25
Jan 11

Wise Words from Wee People

Jenny:  Tina has a quote on her bathroom mirror.  It says…

 

Life isn’t about waiting for the rain to stop.
Life is about learning to dance in the rain.

 

Will:   I guess ski days with dad are like dancing in the rain.

 

 

Moving On / Quotes / Seeing My Path / Tools — 5 Comments
20
Jan 11

A Twist on a Classic

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
Author Unknown

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 13 Comments
19
Jan 11

The Proof is in the Fritos

Late Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to enjoy a guilty pleasure.  My kids were gone.  I got a break from being a role model.  I sat at the table in front of my laptop reading blog posts, while dipping Fritos in chili.

It was a little slice of heaven.

Yes, that is a big deal for me.

__________

I can’t eat when I’m nervous. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 14 Comments
16
Jan 11

Cowboy Up

tony-lamasHis Wranglers and Tony Lamas were broken in to that soft, but not too-distressed phase.  He walked with a purpose – chest puffed out, arms swinging, head held high.

Even though it was only 4 degrees outside, he didn’t bother with zipping his ranch coat.  There was no need for gloves.

He strutted back and forth in front of my vehicle.  He was confident and independent.

 

… Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 20 Comments
12
Jan 11

On Writing, the Universe, and Whiplash

One night, almost a year ago, I came bounding out of bed in the middle of the night with an idea for a post.  I’d swear something had yanked me by the collar of my pjs.

I fixed a cup of tea and started writing.  It was as if this post had built up in my mind while I was sleeping.  It couldn’t wait until morning to be spilled out on the keyboard.

That post got me in some hot water.  When I completed it – in about twenty minutes – I didn’t step back and anticipate that I might be getting myself in trouble for posting it.  There was no question about hitting the ‘publish’ button.

To this day, I don’t know where that post came from.

This post arrived the same way. Continue reading →

Moving On / Opportunistic / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 Comments
6
Jan 11

Solving a Mystery

This morning I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on a  post about boundaries.  I’d been convinced that things were going well with Mark because we had put some boundaries in place that protected us from hurts, while allowing for a modicum of a relationship with Mark.

He has been quite pleasant.

In the back of my mind, I’d been wondering if it’s really about boundaries.

Everything I’ve read about narcissists would indicate that a narcissist doesn’t respect boundaries.  A narcissist goes through life looking for a source.  Boundaries be damned.  A narcissist doesn’t respect the needs of others, therefore, it would stand to reason that a narcissist would completely ignore any boundaries that a source might set.

I wanted to be able to explain this turn of events. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homekeeping / Moving On / Tools — 8 Comments
3
Jan 11

homekeeping 6

It has been a while since I’ve written a homekeeping post.  I miss the format – loose, random thoughts on where we are and where we are headed.

I just reread homekeeping 5 this morning.  Wow.  What a difference six months can make.  Blood, sweat, tears and a lot of cussing later, and we seem to be in a good place.

Knock on wood.

It has been almost three months since Mark and I had the marathon chat session about the kids and his relationship with them.  I did not perform miracles that day.  It would be nice to say that I was able to reach him.

Honestly, I think Mark hasn’t changed one iota. Continue reading →

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