I have learned how to throw a spiral.
I ski on the days when it’s too damn cold, though I’d rather be sitting by the fire reading a good book.
I routinely embarrass myself on the golf course.
I know the difference between an ollie, a nosegrind and a kickflip.
I laugh at their burp competitions.
I let them spit sunflower seed shells at each other – until I can’t stand it any more.
I let her cut up her new Barbie outfits because she loves to “alter” things.
I remind her every day that she’s beautiful, and strong, and smart.
I remind him that the strongest men are tender – that they don’t hide their feelings.
I watch hours of skateboarding DVDs, listen to volumes of data on the intricacies of different players’ golf swings, and help build snowboard jumps off our front step.
I let her know that what she has to say is just as important as what anyone else has to say.
I shoot hoops and play h.o.r.s.e, although sometimes I’ve been known to forget and call it h.o.u.s.e.
I carry her to bed some nights, even though she’s getting too heavy for me, because a strong daddy would carry his little girl to bed.
I try not to watch when he rides his bike ‘no hands’.
I put worms on hooks when I’d rather not. I let him mow the lawn even though I worry that he’ll get hurt. I try not to baby him in front of others, and I try to treat her like a princess without letting it go to her head.
Once in awhile, when no one is looking, I’ll let them take turns sitting in the passenger seat, and practice shifting gears
I try not to tell him to ‘knock it off’ when he drinks out of the milk carton, even though that drives me nuts. I let them squirt the whipping cream straight into their mouths.
I am trying my best.
Today I will look in the mirror and say, “Happy Father’s Day,” to myself.
To all the fathering mothers and the fathering fathers, thank you for all the good work you do.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, humor, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
And let him take off on his bike to go see his cousin play softball. It’s a heck of a ways away. It takes a fathering spirit for a mother to allow that. Happy Father’s Day, you fathering mother, you …
Thank you.
f.u.n.
I can’t think of a better father than you! Don’t forget… you will let them go to a concert even though it’s past their bedtime….
Dee,
Can’t wait! It does fall on me to be the Director of Fun, too. I don’t mind. We do know how to have fun.
You are doing a better job at it than their dad… Hold your head high, you deserve so much!! xoxoxo
Annie,
Thanks, Honey. It’s nice to see you here again. ;)
Jesse,
I found this post to be so meaningful this weekend! Thank you for it. I have been single parenting for years in practical terms. It has become more official this year.
I will always wish my kids had had a kind and selfless father. They will have to tolerate the father they have and gain wisdom beyond their years about human nature and genuiness and the lack of it. Bless them . . . and all children with Ns as parents and all of us who are trying to be both mother and father to our children.
All the best . . .
Lynn,
The best we can do is arm ourselves with the knowledge and tools to help our kids.
Happy Father’s Day. ;)
Hurrah! I love this. Happy Father’s Day!
Jesse,
You are so right! Happy Father’s Day to you too!
Thanks . . .
I let my 18 yo kid drive 375 miles to Boston after she got off work at 11:00 p.m. to see the Bruins Parade. Happy Father’s Day to me, too.
The best gift we can give is to teach our kids to be independent adults.
Rock on, Jesse!
Peggie,
Thank you!
Alyson,
That is my goal. Lots of love and the opportunity to screw up and learn to be independent.
Happy Father’s Day!