Today is the first birthday of this blog. I prefer to think of it as a birthday, rather than an anniversary, since this blog has been so much like another child for me.
And what a first year.
I spent a good portion of the year writing about the day-to-day business of living with a narcissist. I hoped my efforts would help others see what they might also be dealing with. In the process, I was able to see where I had been, and how I needed to help myself and my kids.
I wrote about the tools we developed along the way that helped us with the hurts and frustrations that come from trying to understand a narcissist.
I included quotes that helped me see the big picture. The quotes served as good words to motivate me when I felt the most hopeless.
It should be obvious that my focus has been my kids. It has been my goal to help them understand and learn how to be who they are in relation to having a narcissistic dad.
I spent some time reading over all that I’ve written in the last year. I’m astounded by the growth I’ve seen in my kids and myself. If you’ve been around for awhile, thank you for sticking around. If you are new, this birthday post will bring you up to speed. There won’t be a cake and balloons at this birthday party. The presents are in the form of the comments that were left over the past year.
When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to. N. Smith__________
What follows are some of the posts that will cover where we’ve been for the last year…
This post is an encapsulated picture of what life with a narcissist can be like – what it looks like to an outsider. (Click on the bold type to link to the posts.)
His Narcissism and Her Restlessness
. . .
Surviving narcissism required me to be very creative. I came up with my own ways to alleviate crabbiness, stress and anger. We ramped up the fun around the house. We came up with different ways to make each other laugh. We found little treats to bring our spirits up when we’d been bruised by another visit with Mark.
This post lists my mantras for day-to-day survival:
One Day At A Time
. . .
I spent some time wondering if I might be the narcissist in this relationship. I did a lot of soul-searching, praying and questioning. I had to internalize the concept that the change had to begin with me.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Victor FranklI’m not done blogging. Survival isn’t accomplished in one year. Survival is a process. Now the kids and I are in a much healthier place. We don’t seem to struggle as much. The tools are serving us well. At this point, we are challenged to remember the lessons we’ve learned, keep our humility and compassion, and continue leading a life full of harmony, health and creativity.
And if we mind our tools, there will be a lot more…
Individual Moments of Peace
. . .
It has been an amazing first year.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, life, love, marriage, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
Happy birthday, another day another step forward, it is easy to see the growth in all of your writings, and bits of humor and wisdom. I find so many parallels in what you write, keep sharing.
Hey Mike,
It’s nice to see you here.
Thanks for writing.
Jesse,
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself this year. You have helped me so much! And more importantly, you have helped ensure that my 2 precious children won’t be living in a narcissist-poisoned household during their childhoods. Your blog gave me the extra push I needed to get out!
I love you for that!
Sue
Hey,
Was just going to send you an email before the kids and I head out for vacation, and discovered your comment.
I hope we actually meet in person one day. It already seems like we’re sisters.
Hugs to your sweeties.
Happy, Happy Birthday!
I’m so proud of you and the work you’ve done. Thanks for opening up your heart, sharing your growth, your wonderful kids, and creating a community…no, a family!
YOU DID THAT!
I’m so glad to be here with you.
Hey Donna,
Just got home and saw this.
Your comments have played a huge part in our growth. I hope you know that.
You are a dear heart.
Jesse
Congratulations on recognizing the situation you were in (married to a narcissist) and following the hard road to get out of that relationship. I, too, was married to a narcissist (for 16 years) and we had two children together. The divorce was tough…I felt like I was extricating myself from a thorny briarpatch…every step forward to get out left a mark. But I did it…and so will you. Unfortunately, I only realized my “pattern” of loving someone who couldn’t love me back this summer after a long term relationship ended suddenly. This man, who had been my “friend” for 8 years was an even bigger narcissist than my ex-husband. But the shock of him leaving me helped me to realize what he was, and who I am…a child of a narcissist. Now I am ready to NOT make that same mistake again. Just finished reading a great book by Laura Day “Welcome to Your Crisis. How to Use the Power of Crisis to Create the Life You Want.” I highly recommend it to you! Gave me lots of hope and valuable exercises to incorporate into my life now! Keep taking those steps forward. Good luck!
Hello Janet,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
The prospect of ending up in another narcissistic relationship scares the bejesus out of me – on a daily basis. I think my antennae are finely tuned and at the ready, but how can I know for sure?
I checked out the author you suggested. Her website is great. And the book looks good, too. I like her writing style.
Thanks for adding another tool to our box.
All the best to you. :)
Jesse