To Parents of Daughters

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her ~ a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her ~ a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ~ a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ~ a man who believes he is God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man.

– Unknown

*Thank you, Kate.

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  1. “She listens to her heart above all other voices…” –Kobi Yamada

    I found this book, SHE, in the gift shop at work the other day and instantly identified with every page as it highlighted all that we explore here. It’s short, but could be a great coffee table book to remind us of where we have been and what we are about when we are in the midst of fog.

  2. Z,

    I think I’ve seen that some where…

    Have to look for it.

    Have a great weekend. I’m outta here and I’m not bringing my translator.

  3. This is something to share with all of our daughters. I will be forwarding this to my adult daughter in hopes that she sees the difference and will be able to perform a pre-emptive strike should the need ever arise. I want her to know the difference BEFORE she is faced with these personalities.

    You are ALWAYS spot on and your insight is helpful, too, and in many different situations, not just dealing with Ns.

    Why, oh why, must distance be a barrier between our families.

    much love to all

  4. This quote is so true! I cannot remember how many times I felt like a piece of property in my previous life. I am pretty stunned by the truth of this quote. I plan to keep trying to teach my children what it means to love in a healthy and respectful way for them and for those they love.

    Thank you for this quote! Where did you find it?

    All the best . . .

  5. Debbie,

    Love you guys, too.

    I’m thinking we ought to share this quote with our sons, as well.

  6. Lynn,

    My cousin discovered the quote and shared it with me. I got her permission to share it here.

    I love it.

  7. I have received some comments recently on why we are not taught about these toxic relationships in school. One friend suggested that it should happen when they show the ‘period’ video. I thought that a great idea…all girls in the room, early on when they are just starting to be interested in dating. Then reiterated in high school. I do believe that parents should be teaching their children about these things, but for the parents that don’t know or care, it would be good for those children to learn something about it at school. What do you think?

  8. Z,

    You bring up a very interesting point.

    To my knowledge, schools spend time explaining contraception, but do they ever talk about what a healthy relationship is?

    Can parents teach this if those same parents are in unhealthy relationships? How many don’t even know they are in an unhealthy relationship?

    Oh… this could be a fun topic. Interpersonal Communications in 8th grade should be mandatory.

  9. You would think that with all the demand for cultivating children’s self esteem at school that this would have come up a LONG time ago!

    And parents that are in an unhealthy relationship because their parents were are unable to recognize that there is a better way. Lucky for your kids, that you are their teacher and run your school! ;)

  10. Z,

    You know… it’s been awhile since I was in school. *ahem* But it seems incongruent that schools teach ’em how to avoid having babies, how to take care of babies if they do have babies, how to fry eggs and bake cakes, how to tinker on cars and build houses, but not how to function in a healthy relationship.

  11. Uh, it’s been a while for me too…but even in all the psych classes that I took in high school and college, they didn’t talk about these sorts of things. AND I had Abnormal Psych!

    I wonder if it could prevent some if not a lot of abuse in adulthood just by calling attention to the signals. Perhaps, it could make some kids aware of their current situations and seek help!

  12. Z,

    Truly, this stuff should be taught at home. Stop laughing… I know that between getting home from work, cooking dinner and helping with homework there isn’t much time left to discuss the parameters of a healthy relationship. Besides, like I said in a previous comment, how many of us understand what a healthy relationship is?

    At my dinner table, we’ve been known to talk about how we feel around people. We analyze the energies. “Do you feel good around that person? Do you feel sad or mad? Think of those people you feel good around, then make it a point to fill your life with people like that.”

    It has to start some where.

  13. Oh, I agree that it should be taught at home. I just wonder what happens to the kids whose parents are not capable of providing that. I am big on empathy and not judging others, but also give permission to exclude people that are not positive in our lives. I probably overreact at times to something they do or say that mimics the ex. But, it’s just that I see it so clearly….now.

  14. Z,

    Precisely! That’s why we ought to share our experiences. What a waste to have this knowledge and not spread the word.

    We are the beacons – the lighthouses for those in narcissistic relationships.

    Damn. It’s unfortunate that there are so many.

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