Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people. – Eleanor Roosevelt
The other day we stopped at a convenience store to pick up corn nuts and Cheetos for a road trip. We placed our stuff on the counter and the clerk said, “So have you heard about the theory that if a train started out today and …. speed of light…. circling the globe….. rate of speed….. it would arrive in the year 2032?”
Don’t quote me on that because, honestly, I didn’t understand a word he said, but he sparked an entertaining conversation that lasted the first 30 miles of our road trip.
We have a new friend that fixes us chicken pot pie and brownies and chats with us – even kids* – about things like past lives, quantum physics, philosophy and art.
For several days after one of those dinners, Will can be heard saying, “Is that really a chair, or do you just think it’s a chair?” Jenny will say, “Is it really that windy out, or do I just think it’s that windy out?”
Over the holidays I’ve been a part of conversations that centered around failed relationships, dysfunctional families, crappy jobs and the best way to clean cookware.
After these chats I feel depleted, depressed, anxious and hungry – though, not hungry for food, but for ideas that will stimulate my brain and send my thinking in a more enjoyable direction.
Positive Energy
Every conversation generates energy. That energy is either negative or positive – bad or good.
It is as simple as saying, “I want to have a conversation where I feel good during and after the exchange. I want to have my brain get excited. I want to say, “Hey, let’s go home and Google speed of light or atheist vs agnostic or Loch Ness Monster or fastest skis or even how to clean rust off a cast iron pot.
It is as simple as acknowledging that dysfunctional relationships are that way for all kinds of reasons, none of which I can do anything about.
It is as simple as understanding that some people stay in crappy jobs so they can pay their bills and continue to complain about their crappy job – another thing I can’t do anything about.
I can be compassionate and caring without sinking to the inevitable lows of those conversations. I don’t have to go down with the ship. I can make the choice to excuse myself and go play games with the kids, or read a magazine article about the God Particle, even though it’s a bit like reading Japanese.
Magnets In Our Pockets
In our perfect world we’ll get dressed in the morning in jeans, mismatched socks, a charcoal sweater, a Burton Beanie and we’ll each tuck a magnet in our back pocket. The magnet will draw us to ideas and concepts. The magnet will attract individuals who enjoy the positive energy that can be found in talking about ideas.
Although, I’ve noticed the kids seem to be dressing that way every day without my encouragement, and they don’t need to tuck a magnet in their pocket. That attraction to ideas and sparky conversations and equally sparky people is inherent in them.
That’s inherent in me, too, only now it seems I need a bit of help from a magnet. Except, I keep misplacing my magnet. Sometimes it’s hidden in the baggage of past relationships. I’ve found it hiding under a stone painted with the word, boredom. I recently found my magnet in a folder labeled, nice.
I’ll be nice and listen for awhile, because that’s who I am, but my magnet attracts me to the positive energy generated by discussing radical ideas.
Ideas fill me with the excitement of learning.
That’s where the energy is positive.
*Kids thrive on out-of-the-ordinary discussions. They love an opportunity to ask questions. They spark with the possibility of the unknown.
Tags: in search of self, life, Parenting, proactive, survive
I, too, love those philosophical, technical, what if conversations. Our curiosity and wonder is what keeps us ‘alive’. Lately, mine have covered a lot of alien theories. haha. I like to hear what the kids think about situations or how they rationalize whether something is real or not. It’s great for the imagination!
My oldest was about 5 when he proclaimed that dinosaurs were extinct because a giant MEAT EATER came from the sky and killed them all. lol…he meant METEOR. But then couldn’t understand the concept of a meteor, so meat eater it was! :)
Z,
Kids are so flippin’ insightful. Imagine if the world was lead by kids – no war, lots more Cheetos and kool aid, better cartoons, more hugs, and the complete acceptance of farting in public places. Hmmmm….
And because life is full of irony, I read your comment and thought to myself, “Who am I kidding, this whole blog discusses people and events.”
There you have it… my next post will be on the God Particle.
Not.
p.s. How many kids do you have? For some reason I was picturing you with one.
You are selling yourself short. This site talks about the WHY and how it effects the people involved. A lot of ‘what ifs’ go on here. What if I hadn’t met the N, what if I had seen it sooner, how can I live N free!?! Yes, we talk about what has happened, but only to get to a higher place.
I have 2 boys, 18 and 8. Don’t know if I want them ruling my world any more than they do…lol! I struggle enough just to fit in a chick flick here and there. ha! But yes, it’s a much simpler world when kids rule. What recreational vehicle will we ride today? Movie or video games? Nachos or pizza? :D
Wow Jesse I really love this post! It’s so great that you acknowledge that some people are just going to wallow in their stuff, and there’s really nothing you as an individual can do about that. Because that’s their decision. And looking for new ways to view and discover things is your decision.
I’m so glad I found your blog and can read all the wonderful things you share :)
Great blog. Thanks for the thoughts. I love the magnet idea. I will look under my pile of boredom and cynicism to see if my magnet is still around.
I am a huge fan of positive energy and have less and less patience for the kind of talk that drains the life out of people and puts others down. In fact, I have no time for that kind of energy. Life is too short–way too short.
Happy New Year to you!!!
Z,
Thanks. It often feels like a slow but steady crawl to a higher place. I’m thankful you guys are keeping me company.
This house would vote for nachos – hands down!
Yes.. the occasional chick flick is such a rare treat. ;)
Jenn,
I’m glad you found us, too. It’s funny how we all seem to have an instant bond that’s based on our experiences with narcissists.
See? Now there’s the silver lining on that funky cloud. ;)
Kathryn,
Hello! You are a dog person, am I right? It seems to me that all you’d have to do is follow your pup to find your magnet.
Let me know if that works. ;)
Lynn,
I could not agree more.
Happy New Year and good wishes for you and yours.
RE your comment to Jenn: “See? Now there’s the silver lining on that funky cloud. ;)”
Do I see a little Bright Spot coming out??? I thought that was my job, but I’m willing to share. :)
Happy New Year to one of the most loving, conscious, striving, learning and growing group of folks it is my pleasure to know!
Donna,
You do the job the best!
You know… I don’t believe I’ve ever read one of your comments when I didn’t end up smiling from ear to ear.
Sending lots of love and gorgeous light for the New Year, tho’ I think you’re surrounded by a lot already!
Just lettin’ my love light shine!
Jesse,
Thank you for the quote of Eleanor Roosevelt who I admire.
And to the end of this year I want to thank you very much for your wonderful blog that sometimes helps me to overcome sad hours, that sometimes makes me laughing, that sometimes makes me thought-provoking.
As a “foreigner” but also as a soon-to-be-ex-partner of a narcissist I have to say – there are so many nice people in the world either in Europe or here in America or wherever.
Happy New Year to you and your kids!
Connie
Donna,
Thanks for shining your light here. ;)
Connie,
Thanks for your kind words. ;)
I hope the New Year brings you peace and understanding.
I agree with you… there are so many nice people all over the world. I have met many of them on this blog.
Take care.