Changing Her Own Life

Changing Her Own LifeI read and walked for miles at night along the beach,
writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly
for someone wonderful who would step out
of the darkness and change my life.
It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

– Anna Quindlen

 

 

 

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15 comments

  1. I love that!

  2. Hey Z,

    Was just (at this very moment) looking for you on Twitter.

    Wondering if you are okay…

  3. So much love for that quote! I wish I had read that when I was in my early twenties and really thought I had to be WITH someone to be happy.

  4. Jenn,

    Me too, but then Will and Jen wouldn’t be here to grace my life. ;)

  5. There is that LOL Kids bring so much joy into the world just by being themselves :-)

  6. I am ok…just neglecting twitter with everything else going on. There’s a N at work and somehow I am the target. Guess he figured out really quick that I am not the one to jump and prioritize him over everything else. My boss is super supportive and it’s about to get really interesting. I have to document document document. The story of my life. Fun fun! NOT!

    I can’t help but wonder why he thought I would break my back for him. Perhaps because he told me to? Then I wonder if I am too quick to label a N. My boss asked me to identify the behavior and when I did, she couldn’t get over how it fits. Her next question was…how the hell do we deal with that? I wondered the same thing.

  7. Z,

    Shees. Will it ever end?

    I hope you report back on how you are dealing.

    I wonder if I am quick to label folks as Ns, too. I also wonder if I have some sort of implant (you know how you can put a chip in a pet so you can find it – maybe I have a “narcissist chip”) that sends some sort of signal that attracts narcissists. If it were as simple as a magnet in my back pocket, I would have pitched it a long time ago!

  8. Probably not. They are everywhere! lol.
    I think he is probably like most Ns…hones in on the one he thinks will feed him. It is my job to be accommodating and “serve” the investigators their research. The control issues (which he projects are mine) kick in when adjustments are made or details have to be added to the protocols. If I don’t change things, it won’t be approved. However, when I do, I have to hear how he is in charge of this and that, blah blah. It got old really quick.

    He has a nurse practitioner that moved with him. We wonder how she does it, but it may serve her purposes too. It’s different when it’s at work than at home. It can still be damaging, but not in the same way as threatening to take my kid away, if that makes sense.

    For now, I am chipping away at all that needs to be done for him and used a back door to speed up a process so hopefully, he will see that I am not ignoring him. I just have other people to do the same thing for! Sheesh is right!

  9. Z,

    Yes, I agree. They are everywhere… and multiplying.

    It just occurred to me that maybe we see them everywhere because our “detectors” have sharpened through all these years of experience. We know the patterns. We recognize the preening and the posturing.

    If it looks like a duck…

  10. So lovely. Have missed you guys. I do feel awfully worried about it too. When I’m intrigued about finding out more about someone, then I think “maybe I’m drawn to them because they are narcissistic,” and that scares me. But I’m getting braver :) and more aware of the warning signs. *hugs* to you both.

  11. Hey!

    I missed you around these parts, too. ;)

    Don’t you think our INFJness makes us see through facades, but it also makes us question what we think we see, and then give more chances. For me, as I’ve gotten older, I find I have to trust those gut instincts – the ones that tell me at first meeting, “Stay away from that one.” I don’t always stay away, and that’s when a voice in my head will say, “I told you so….”

    Sending hugs with fuzzy mittens back your way. :)

  12. Hey NM,
    Glad to see you here! I know what you mean about new people. I tend to keep my distance for a long time and save my heart for those I know would do anything for me if I needed it. They fit on one hand. I had someone dupe me really good shortly after I left the N. She seemed genuine and I trusted her judgement more than my own. I shouldn’t have. That knife in my back hurt like hell. And all those she pushed me away from are the good ones. I felt down on myself for opening myself up like that when I was so vulnerable. Toughened me up a bit and taught me to not give a damn about what others think. Guess there was a lesson in that after all. It takes time to really trust your gut. And when you think you got this, a reality check is near. Lol. Keeps me grounded. :)

  13. Isn’t that the truth? Thanks guys, it’s good to be back. No, I am with you both, there’s a caution now…. I have to be careful, because I know I am such a good consumable for N types! Yes, Z, I think those types of knives hurt even more because you feel like you should have known….. But I have to say, it is nice to find out that there are SO many good people out there, who aren’t out to suck you dry. Z, was this a friend relationship? If so, you know I can totally relate. Jesse, yes, I do think that sensitivity helps, but of course it also hurts so much more if we are wrong about someone. I am grateful for courage. I’m grateful that relationships mean more to me than fear, but sometimes it is scary. *hugs*

  14. NM,

    You are SO right about the hurts being deeper for the sensitive ones.

    I hope your “situation” as improved. ;)

  15. Yes, it was a friend at work. So you know what kind of damage can be done when the backstabbing starts. Others don’t know you well so they tend to believe what they hear. It was time to go, time for me to grow, and so I took a promotion somewhere else. Even as I was leaving, they couldn’t wish me well and doubted that I got a better job. I haven’t looked back. It wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t supported. And I was hurt….so much that I didn’t try to defend myself. Why should I? It wasn’t worth the effort as I was in the thick of it with my ex and the ONLY reason I acknowledge his existence is because we have a son. Thank God for the good ones! I don’t know if I could have healed as fast without them!

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