Moving On


14
Oct 15

A New Zip Code

new zip code“Hey Jesse, I heard you have a new zip code.  Whatcha doin’ in here?”

“How are ya, Hank?  Yes, we do have a new zip code.  It’s only about 90 minutes away.  I’m in town to get the house ready to rent out.”

“Wow.  Big changes afoot for all of you.  How are you doing with it all?  And your kids?  I saw them the other day at that frozen yogurt place.  They appear to be happy and thriving and growing.  What can I get you?”

“Do you still have Bayern Amber on tap?”

“Comin’ right up!” Continue reading →


15
Sep 15

On Popcorn, Track Record and the New Guy

survivors who thrive“Oh dear! I can’t bring myself to watch.”

“Pass the popcorn, Margaret.  This is getting good.”

Margaret passed the bowl of popcorn to Gladys.  “Gladys! How can you be so insensitive? She’s struggling. Can’t you see that?”

“Of course I can see that.  That’s why it’s getting good!”  Gladys scooped up a handful of popcorn in one hand and with the other, she deliberately ate one popped kernel at a time, while watching the drama unfold.

Basil walked over and sat next to Gladys.  “Uh oh.  She’s at it again, isn’t she.” Continue reading →


27
Aug 15

On Going No Contact

spoon“Hey, Hank!  How’s it going?  It’s weird to see you outside of the bar.”

“Hey, Matt.  I haven’t seen you down there in awhile.  Looks like you’re getting some new gear today?  Have you been doing a lot more fishing this year?”

Matt held up a package of spinners and laughed, “Yeah.  Funny thing is, I’ve been fishing a lot more since …  well ….  since I broke it off with Sarah.”

Hank reached for some leader, “Ouch.  I hadn’t seen you two around, but I didn’t know.  I thought you two were good together.”

Matt shook his head, “So did I.” Continue reading →


11
Aug 15

When Your Lizard Brain is Your Dating Coach

lizard brain dating coachIf your lizard brain stands in as your dating coach, odds are you’d better stay home.

 

Lizard Brain:  You aren’t wearing those shoes are you?

Me:  Why not?  What’s wrong with them?

LB:  Well, those heels will probably make you taller than he is, but it’s up to you. Continue reading →


15
Jun 15

Uncharted Territory

uncharted territoryWhen Hank smiles, his eyes crease, filling the white crows feet created by off hours spent on the river in the sun. “Nice to see you, Janna. What’ll you have?”

“A gin and tonic would be great. Thanks. How are you? It looks like you’ve managed to find the sun when you aren’t tending bar.”

Hank laughed, “Yep. The weather has finally made up its mind. Now if I could get the fish to do the same. How are you?”

“I’m well. I think.”

“Uh oh. Sounds like there’s a story there.” Hank places a napkin in front of Janna, and tops it with her drink. “Hey, was it last month you were in here, all excited about a new man in your life? How’s that going?” Continue reading →


13
May 15

How to Say “No”

If every shell represented a no ...“So why don’t you just say “no”?”

I put my cell back in my pocket and exhaled loudly as we continued our walk.  “I dunno, Jen.  My knee-jerk reaction is to always try to accommodate – if I can.”

“When they asked you, did you know right away what your answer was?  Did you know right away that you wanted to say no?”

“Well, sure I knew I didn’t want to say yes – my stomach clenched.  Yikes.  That’s a pretty good indication that I want to say no.  I don’t need more on my plate.”

She moved me closer to the sidewalk as a car approached – ever the protector, that one.  “How come you don’t just say no right away?” Continue reading →


8
May 15

On Reversing the Damage Done by a Narcissist

tools for creatingUnderneath her best face is the face that tried to smile through the belittling comments, the dismissals and the personal attacks.

Years later, long after she’d stopped sharing the narcissist’s bed, she could still see signs of that other face.  Now, when she puts her makeup on, she tries to ignore the lines she earned back then.  She brushes her hair and tells herself that now she could wear her hair any way she likes.

She selects an outfit, and remembers how she used to worry that he wouldn’t approve of what she wore.

Now she goes about her day and laughs at the thought of ever having had to ask for permission to come and go as she pleased.  She takes one last look in the mirror before heading out the door, and marvels at how far she’s come.

  Continue reading →


4
Apr 15

On Dating With Kids

on dating with kids“Okay you guys.  What do you think?  Any red flags?  Let me have it.”  (I’m not sure I can trust myself to see things clearly.)

Kids are like pets.  They know who to steer clear of and who to trust – instinctively.  Come to think of it, adults probably have those same instincts, but they long ago stopped listening to them – or at least I did.

Will laughed and immediately said, “No!  No red flags. You’re kidding, right?  Why?”  Jen smiled and shook her head.

“Come on Jen, are you holding back?  You can tell me.  It’s okay.”

“No, mom, really.  I don’t see anything.” Continue reading →


11
Mar 15

When the Other Shoe Drops

house cabHank had finished polishing the bar when two women approached and perched on adjacent stools.  He waited for a pause in their conversation before asking what they’d like.  He heard the brunette say, “Well, you know that I’m always waiting for that moment when the other shoe drops.  It’s the way I’ve always been.”

The blonde laughed.  “I know, but you have had the shoe drop in pretty much every one of your relationships.”

The brunette said, “Yeah.  Thanks for pointing that out.”  She looked at Hank.  “Hi, I’ll have the house cab.  How are you?”

The blonde said, “I’ll have the same.  Thanks.”

  Continue reading →


16
Jan 15

Confessions of An Ex-Facilitator

ski trailsWill thought if we left a little later, the timing would be off and we wouldn’t run into him, but when we pulled into the parking lot, we saw him getting out of his car.

Crap.

In my optimistic, nothing-will-ruin-our-day voice I said, “It’s okay.  He knew we were going to be here.  He knows we don’t get to do a mid-week escape very often.  He hasn’t asked to ski with us.  This will all work out.  Trust me.”

Will said, “I just wanna ski with you two today.  We never get to ski just the three of us.”

I lifted a pair of skis to my shoulder and said, “It’ll work out.” Continue reading →


18
Dec 14

This Wasn’t The Plan

ice on barbed wireThis wasn’t the plan – to be a single mom in my 50s, raising kids by myself.

I had planned to be happily married at this point.  I thought we’d all ski together and travel together and watch movies together.  I thought he and I would marvel at how brilliant our kids are – together.

I thought we’d laugh at being older-than-the average parents of young kids – together.

I thought we’d reconnect after the kids were gone and spend our retirement years skiing, traveling and watching movies – just the two of us.

  Continue reading →


8
Aug 14

Random Thoughts at the Five Year Mark

starting overwow.

This blog is five years old.

wow.

 

Things have changed a lot in five years.  We not only survive, but we thrive on a mostly daily basis.  The health of my kids (and myself!) is testament to the power of connection, the awesomeness of being heard, the cathartic healing found in knowledge and the magic of friendship. Continue reading →


29
Jul 14

The Ending

the endingGuest Post by Anonymous

It ended with a coat…

An argument between my 12 year old son and my husband ended my 20 year marriage – all over a coat.

It was the Friday after Thanksgiving.  We had spent the better part of three days at our niece’s house, as I was helping her host her first Thanksgiving – for 20 people, no less.  We returned home Friday afternoon after a two-hour drive. I just wanted some quiet time so begged off from a housewarming party we were invited to attend.  Husband and son were preparing to go without me when a fight broke out between them over son taking a coat which husband deemed appropriate for the weather, one which son hated and refused to consider.  The fight escalated into an ugly scene – son locked husband out of house after being chased around the yard by him, in the dark. Continue reading →


25
Jul 14

Make a New Bed

make a new bedIf you’ve spent any time in these parts, you know how I feel about making beds, but this morning I had an “epipha-me“.

I was thinking about choices, plans, wrong turns, course corrections and new directions.

There’s an idiom that goes like this:

You made your bed, now lie in it.
 

My INFJness had my wheels spinning on that one.  Mostly I was thinking about the individual who penned that classic phrase.  How stuck was she, or I suppose it could have been a he?  How dismal to go through life thinking, “This is it.  This is where I am.  This is what I planned for.  I’m here.  Better stick with it.”

How many decide that since they invested so much time in this relationship, or spent so much money on that degree, that they can’t make a choice to do something else?  Even if they aren’t happy in that relationship or with the job that degree landed them, they stick with their choices.

I wish I could have told the person who wrote that idiom,

“If you can make one bed, you can make another.
It’s okay.
Really.
Make a new bed.”

 

 


21
Jul 14

A Beginning

George Clooney's crescent wrenchSix months on the other side of divorce, this Thriver has fought the good fight, and now she’s ready to see what’s next. She’s optimistic about whatever the future may hold.  She knows it’s going to be tough to go it alone again, especially while raising a child, but she’s open to possibility and the opportunity to try again.

Maybe…  maybe a new beginning.

 

Guest Post by Anonymous

 A Beginning Continue reading →