“Dad, if you changed some things so that we would be more comfortable around you, we would want to see you more.” Will, with eyes blinking incessantly, and hands shoved into the pockets of his grass-stained kahkis, summoned the courage to stand up to his dad. Later, Will told me he felt like he wanted to throw up when he was talking to Mark. Continue reading →
The World Revolves Around Me
28
Jul 10
Coming Full Circle
28
Jun 10
The Narcissist’s Other Shoe
This is the calm before the storm. Or is it? After Mark’s last email to Will, we have not heard much from him. It has been quite pleasant around here. Although, there is a part of me that wonders what’s coming next. Continue reading →
17
Jun 10
When Fear is the Bus Driver
“Whoa! That was a fun ride!” she says, facetiously. I’m sure it won’t be the last time Fear drives this bus. But, for now, I’m back behind the wheel. I’ve got to look into getting some seat belts installed on this thing. The view from the back seat was interesting, but a little blurry because Fear was driving so fast. That’s probably why I was up the night before last, vomiting. Fear does that to me. It’s a lot like car sickness. Continue reading →
15
Jun 10
Fear on the Frontlines
I am scared. My stomach hurts.
Mark talked to my mom before his counseling session today. He admitted that yesterday’s visit did not go well. He said he thinks he can’t reach Will. I’m stunned that he can see this. Continue reading →
14
Jun 10
From the Sidelines to the Stands
I spent some time on the sidelines. I was too close to the game, and couldn’t see the action well. I moved to the stands. I can see the game better, and it’s a lot more comfy here, too. It’s best that I’m further from the action. They can’t hear me when I fail at keeping my mouth shut. I’m sitting on one of those cushions with the attached back. There’s no one sitting in front of me, so my feet are up. I’ve got popcorn and an icy cold beer. Continue reading →
12
Jun 10
So That’s What A Dad Does
I just took this photo in our back yard. It reminds me of all the fun that was had around our house this week. Those drops of water are getting ready to slide down the tulip leaf. You can almost hear the drops saying, “WEEEE-EEE!” Just as I started this post, I took another look at that leaf and thought, “Geez, that looks just like the tongue that belongs to a kid who’s been sucking on a green popsicle.” And that, too, is appropriate for this week. While it wasn’t warm enough for popsicles, there was a whole lot of tongue wagging going on. They NEVER ran out of stuff to talk about. Continue reading →
9
Jun 10
The Narcissist’s Instincts
I woke to the sound of our cat crunching on her breakfast. We buy her the good stuff. I’m sure that’s why she’s so nice to us. Then I heard her claws click across the hardwoods as she made her way down the hall and across my bedroom. I heard that pause right before she jumped on my bed. She snuggled in for a morning nap after filling her belly. My bed sets beside a sliding glass door that looks out on the Poplar in the back yard. Just as the cat closed her eyes, I saw a Robin land on the shed roof next to the Poplar. The Robin was probably a teenager. It didn’t have the downy fluff of a new bird, and it didn’t have the red breast of a young adult. It had the speckles of an adolescent Robin that’s just learning to fly. Continue reading →
29
May 10
Venting Prevents Action
“What do I have to do to be good enough so dad will love me?” “How come I have such a bad dad?” “My life won’t be good without a good dad.” And to that I said, “Honey, do I have a bad life? How am I doing? I have a pretty darned good life, don’t I?” And through alligator tears Jenny said, “It’s just not fair. When are you going to get us a real dad?” I wanted to say, “Well it’s not like I can put a post on Craig’s List saying, “Need one great dad for two amazing little people. Must like listening, Barbies, joke telling, card trick teaching, golfing, fishing, bow hunting, skiing and relating. Don’t need husband. Narcissists need not apply.” Continue reading →
27
May 10
Beauty Through the Act of Loving
Yesterday’s post was about beauty and insecurity and denying who I am. It was a difficult post to write. I’m not even sure where it came from. Getting that necklace in the mail was akin to jamming a stick of dynamite in a dam that I didn’t even know existed. Feelings, emotions and tears started flowing, and they weren’t going to stop. Apparently, they haven’t stopped yet. I’m not done with the topic, and I’m convinced that this flood is sending me further down the path that I’m supposed to be on. The tidal wave of emotions is pushing me faster, and I’m not afraid. In fact, I can’t wait to see how far it takes me. This is another exercise in authenticity and speaking truth. Both of those expressions are over-used. But if we set out in search of those things, with integrity, the pursuit of authenticity and truth gets us closer to who we are meant to be. Continue reading →
25
May 10
Narcissism and Lip Service
Wikipedia defines lip service as an idiom meaning giving ‘approval or support..insincerely’. Lip service is not the sole domain of narcissists. We all give things lip service. “I’d love to meet you for lunch.” “Love that new haircut.” “Of course, those pants don’t make your butt look big.” “Your new boyfriend is very charming.” Continue reading →
