You could make a conscious choice to give up on pursuing your dreams, your goals and your passions. Continue reading →
The World Revolves Around Me
16
Oct 12
Mission Impossible: Relationship With a Narcissist
11
Oct 12
When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins
It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you. They have much more important things to do.
But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.
If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:
“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table. Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”
“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom? I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project. Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”
“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”
“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”
“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house. You guys get your own.”
“Make the mouth bigger. You won’t be able to see it from the street.”
“No, that’s not how to do the eyes. Here, let me show you.”
“Hey, watch it! You got some on the floor.”
“Push up your sleeves. You’re getting it all over everything.”
“You guys aren’t listening to me.”
At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins. That way they’ll be done right.”
On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.
26
Sep 12
What Control Looks Like
Control looks like two exhausted kids, asleep in their car seats, while dad detours to wash the car after a long day of hiking. “Never mind how exhausted and hungry you guys are, this car has to look good.” Continue reading →
19
Sep 12
Narcissists Need to Criticize
“You should have used a brush instead of spray paint.” Continue reading →
11
Sep 12
Explaining Narcissism to Kids
“How come he says I can use his camera, and then he tells me what pictures to take, and how to take ‘em?” Continue reading →
28
Aug 12
The Narcissism Survivor’s Tool Box
Braced against the sheer, shaley side of a ravine, holding the handle bar of his bike, he yelled, “Dad! Dad, I need help here. I’m about to lose my bike! Dad! Help!” He was torn between letting his bike fall to the 15 foot pool at the base of the ravine, or worse, falling with his bike. Continue reading →
26
Apr 12
Selective Attention and Homemade Tea Bags
When I brew a cup of tea, Jenny runs over to stand next to my cup. Her turned-up nose hovers over the steam as she inhales deeply. She loves the smell of tea but isn’t fond of the taste. She often asks if she can dunk my tea bag while she watches the hot water take on the soft yellow of Chamomile. She likes knowing the color comes from flower petals. Continue reading →
15
Apr 12
The Crux of the Matter
Me: “He’s demonstrated that he is more than willing to put in the time. When other kids his age beg to play Xbox, he searches the internet for tips on golf swings. Clearly, this is one of his top three passions – it may be the thing he is most passionate about. We’ve been told by a couple instructors that he is blessed with some natural talent. We don’t spend money on soccer or baseball or football or guitar or karate. I really think it’s time we get him some lessons and support him in this thing he loves.”
Him: “My parents would never have done that for me.”
10
Apr 12
When Enough Is Enough
She could remember when seeing his name in her Inbox made her heart race with excitement. Now seeing his name in her Inbox made her palms sweat. She let the cursor hover over his name. She didn’t want to click to open his email.
She’d have to decide what to write back.
Did she even want to write back?
Being nice was her thing. She’d been supportive. She’d been there. She’d listened and responded.
Was there anything positive coming out of this relationship? If this was positive, why did it feel bad?
Were there healthier places to invest this energy?
Was she opening and answering emails because she was afraid there wouldn’t be another to come along.
She closed her laptop and stared out the window at the park.
__________
Her daughter came up and said, “Mom… are you interruptible? Can I ask you something?”
She looked into her daughter’s blue eyes and found the answer she’d been looking for:
Would she – one day – want her kids to
pin their hopes on this kind of relationship?
She opened her laptop and deleted his email before opening it.
2
Apr 12
He Might Be A Narcissist If …
… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together. After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full. Continue reading →
