I am not a doctor. I am not a counselor. I would, however, suggest that I am an expert in narcissism because of my upbringing and my marriage to a narcissist. If you need certificates, credentials and titles, this is not the site for you. If you long to understand, define, and make sense of life with a narcissist, my site may help you. It may help in the way that examples and illustrations shed light on an issue.
Other sites contain a lot of information about the type of upbringing or environment that can create a narcissist. There is validity in reading about those potential causes. I don’t pretend to be an expert on the causes of narcissism. Understanding the cause of NPD (while it helps determine if you live with or were raised by a narcissist) does not mitigate the effects of life with a narcissist.
I am not advocating that my way of surviving with narcissism will work for everyone. So far, it is working for me. Survival happens on a day-to-day basis. At some point, my approach could cease to be effective. If that happens, I’ll adapt and change the way I deal with narcissism. Life is about adapting and changing. We all need to find the method that works best for us.
I have read a great deal about narcissism. A lot of what is out there is very useful, but it tends to get very negative. I am not a Pollyanna, but living in such a negative state is not healthy. I got to the point where I needed to accept the situation and move on.
If my approach helps you, that is a good thing. But it is an example of only one approach. I do not advocate divorce. That was a necessity for me. I came from a family where divorce was frowned upon. Divorce was considered an option of last resort. I weighed my decision to leave for a very long time. I am aware that divorce is not an option for everyone. Divorce takes a certain amount of intestinal fortitude, a large measure of desperation, and a supportive network of friends and family.
A friend once told me how he came to the point where he realized that his marriage was over. He was driving down a two-lane highway, looking at turning 40, and he had this sudden inspiration. “Would my mom want me to be this unhappy?” Okay, many of us may have had narcissistic moms or dads, so that inspiration may not apply. Insert your higher power for “mom”. Better yet, step outside yourself, take a good long look, and ask yourself, “Would I want me to be this unhappy?”
I believe that we all have an inner strength buried under a lot of junk. Find your inner strength. Put down the shovel and quit blaming. Find out why this happened and how this happened. Learn the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist. Educate yourself so that you understand and can avoid another relationship with a narcissist. Then stop dwelling on it. Dwelling on it doesn’t change anything.
Let the wounds heal.
Give yourself permission to move on.