The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.
__________
I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.
I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin. We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.
I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching.
I took pictures of Jen as she hammered beer bottle caps, turning them in to burnished medallions.
We munched on barbecued country style pork ribs, corn on the cob and baked beans.
We stoked the campfire from breakfast to bedtime.
I laughed and stayed up too late playing charades. (FYI: Titanic is fun to act out if you take each syllable separately. Tie – Tan – Ick.)
We slept on the screened porch, with the sound of the creek lulling us to sleep. I woke up just in time to watch the moon come up over the mountain across from the cabin.
The next morning Will fried brook trout in bacon grease because grandpa says that’s the best way to cook ’em. (Grandpa was right.)
I gave Jen her first lesson in flipping pancakes in a cast iron skillet on the outdoor grill.
We drove home when we were too tired and too dirty to play any more.
Then a cousin came to town. Jen and Will golfed, ate too many popsicles, laughed until their sides hurt and had a sleepover at grandma and grandpa’s.
Nina was a little irritated with us for leaving again, but she never stays mad for long.
Somewhere in there I looked at the calendar.
Somewhere in there I remembered Saturday, August 11th, was the third anniversary of this blog.
I guess you could say we’re surviving nicely.
*Thanks for continuing to check in on us.
Tags: child of narcissist, gratitude, in search of self, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, proactive, survive
And thanks for writing such an awesome blog!!
Happy Anniversary Dear One!
It has been a pleasure to grow with you, to kvetch, love, support, cry and laugh together.
You, your kids and the others on this blog are some of the major loves of my life.
Thank You for healing yourself and making the world a better place.
XO
Pat,
And thank you for always being so supportive. ;)
Donna,
I still remember the day we met.
Little did I know the influence you would have on our lives.
‘Thank you’ isn’t enough.
As you hit another anniversary here, so do we…the readers, commentators, comrades. I really don’t remember when I started following, but it’s well over a year. Amazing.
Don’tcha wonder about the healing properties of time?
Life with the N is starting to feel diminished and less of a painful daily reminder. I thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. My growth has been exponentially accelerated from this blog and I could never be more grateful for anything.
big hugs, high fives, and martinis :D
It’s so wonderful to hear how well you are all doing! Sounds like a lovely celebration of your blog anniversary :) And I know I’m not the only grateful person to have found this blog, but thank you so much for putting all the time and effort you give into it.
Z,
That wonderful saying: “Time heals all wounds,” is so true… especially in the company of good friends and supportive family.
Thank you, Zaira, for being part of our healing.
Yay! for the good life on the other side of the mess!
I’ll buy the first round…. and the second. ;)
Jenn,
Thanks for being part of this blog. Your contributions help the ripple effect.
Cheers!! ;)
What an expressive post! I re-lived your day with you. You are an inspiration to several people and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us all!
I actually had a Pepcid episode recently in a very minor way. In a nutshell, my line of work is sort of suppressing my extrovert nature to the point of a physical ailment. I have been advised to go out more often, meet more people, and LOL. It’s interesting how a physical symptom is the tip of an iceberg of something more serious and recognizing this makes all the difference.
Pink,
Thanks for the kind words. ;)
The trick – I think – is recognizing those physical symptoms before ignoring them does too much damage. I spent a lot of time telling myself to “buck up” when I should have been listening to those symptoms.
Yeah, good for you, Jesse!
It’s so nice to see that 3 years out you are not as consumed with it all. I still think about my N friend a lot. But I always come back to the same conclusion, that there was nothing more I could have done to save the relationship, that I had to save myself instead. Survival has to trump wishing.
I have to try that fish fry in bacon-grease thing. Sounds yummy :)
Hugs, NM
NM,
I love that…. “Survival has to trump wishing.”
Wishing/hoping/trying …. all those only get us so far with narcissists.
Ya, the fish in bacon grease thing is fun. Heads and tails still on for the “ew” factor. I still prefer a burger. ;)
Nice blog ! My interest is on how the lingering messages affect and inhibit survivors.
I am keen to publish a story about my experiences of living with an N mother but underlying that is a terror of being “silenced” again. Silencing was her favourite form of punishment to me. So it traumatised me enough to keep me still “there”…. silent ! Conscious of it but still a strong repression..Yes, I am seeking help for this now, albeit I feel so very, very late !
Anyone else have this experience of messages still needing to be rooted out ?
Perdita,
Rooting out those messages frustrates me on a daily basis. Each time I respond like I’ve been conditioned to, I try to check myself. Sometimes it works – not all the time. It took years for those responses to be put in place. I guess it will take years to create new responses.
If anyone knows of a quicker way to deal with those ingrained messages, I’m willing to try.
May I suggest that you write anonymously? Writing with a pseudonym as made it possible for me to overstep a lot of those doubts and insecurities.
Perdita, I wish you well. Thanks for writing.
Hi Perdita,
One thing that helped me be able to speak out about my ex was the little reassurances that I received when I did. This blog was one of them. Court was another. Tiny positive steps led me to be where I can sit without an attorney in court and be confident that I am the sane one. I agree with Jesse that the alias helps open up the conversation, but also protects you from backlash at the same time. One day when I was really frustrated, I let out a small rant on facebook about narcissism. I felt like I was really exposing myself in my real name and almost deleted it, but the irony is that it brought comrades (just from my friends list) out of the woodwork and there were others that I wouldn’t think could relate, did. I gave everyone a little voice that day, a moment to say ME TOO! It truly is the little things along with a lot of time and distance.
All the best. xx
Z,
Thanks for chiming in. ;)
Congratulations Jesse! You have come a long way baby!!! I am so happy for the kids and you. I sense a lot of freedom, laughter, and peace in your home–and that is priceless.
Love and prayers for all of you!!!
Lynn,
I wish the same for you and yours – freedom, laughter and peace.
You all deserve it.