Leaving town is easy. As you take off from the runway, you will breathe deep and relax. You may even splurge on a cocktail for yourself and a couple of pops for the kids. You will count out loud the number of days that will happily pass without the stress of a dad visit.
She will exclaim at the wonder of being surrounded by family members who think she is wonderful. She will not guard against snide comments. She will wear her hair however she chooses. She may not even pack socks. She will smile until her cheeks hurt.
He will laugh louder and not worry about saying the wrong thing. He may not have to accommodate for several days because he will be with people who love him even if he doesn’t spend each moment trying to please them. He will pull pranks and howl at the moon.
You will relax knowing your kids will be respected, enjoyed and nurtured. It’ll be okay if they are loud and a little messy. You won’t have to coach them about what to say and what not to say.
There will be no need to pretend.
Sleep will come easy. Laughing will be the order of the day. Acceptance will define each moment.
__________
As the plane comes to a stop, he’ll get his first text. “Keep in touch. I love you guys. Love dad.”
And so it begins….
There will be texts and messages ranging from:
“Please call when you have time.”
“I sure do miss you guys.”
“Are you having fun without me?”
“Let’s make plans for when you return.”
“Hey, how about we head to the swimming pool when you get back.”
You will say to everyone within earshot, “How come he doesn’t text or call this much when we are home?”
Your mom will say, “Honey, I just got an email from your ex. He hasn’t emailed me in a couple years. He sent a picture of himself with the kids.”
Is it a coincidence that the narcissist emails your folks while you are on holiday with them?
Does the narcissist suddenly find extra time on his hands to correspond with his kids and ex in-laws?
Should you be surprised that the narcissist would try to grandstand about his excellent parenting skills while you are staying with your folks – the people your kids most prefer to be with?
Your vacation has presented him with a prime annexing opportunity.
__________
Annexing and grandstanding occur each time we leave town. We know to expect it, and yet it still catches me off guard when we receive that first text.
The second text arrives and I laugh to myself and remember the script – the gushy I love yous; the mushy I miss yous; and the I-can’t-wait-til-you-get-backs.
This doesn’t mean we should never leave town.
We’ll still laugh a lot, smile until our cheeks hurt and enjoy the long stretches of happy days that aren’t scarred by a pending dad visit.
Now that we know to expect the annexing and grandstanding, we have that much more to laugh about.
The good thing is that when we return, we won’t hear from him as much, because he won’t have an audience.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, front lines, humor, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD
Jesse,
It is great to be able to breathe again and not glance over my shoulder so often. I love your writing because it helps me count my blessings and remember how rich peace is–even in the midst of chaos–I can find peace now unlike before.
Thank you for the wonderful reminder!
Warm hugs from all here . . .
Lynn,
To this day, one of the three of us will mutter, “At least we don’t live with him anymore.”
Sending hugs back to all of you.