Today is the first birthday of this blog. I prefer to think of it as a birthday, rather than an anniversary, since this blog has been so much like another child for me.
And what a first year.
I spent a good portion of the year writing about the day-to-day business of living with a narcissist. I hoped my efforts would help others see what they might also be dealing with. In the process, I was able to see where I had been, and how I needed to help myself and my kids.
I wrote about the tools we developed along the way that helped us with the hurts and frustrations that come from trying to understand a narcissist.
I included quotes that helped me see the big picture. The quotes served as good words to motivate me when I felt the most hopeless. Continue reading →
What are we doing here?
That window gets smaller every year – that time between the excitement of spring planting and the heat of summer bringing
I would classify myself as someone who doesn’t follow rules well. However, I am not a rule breaker. There’s a difference. A rule breaker intentionally sets out to take an action that flies in the face of a particular rule. I have a tendency to dance around rules, skirt them, avoid them, or even go so far as to pretend to follow, while all the while completely ignoring a rule.
I’ve been writing on this blog for almost a year. I remember the day I received my first comment. “Will! Jenny! Someone actually commented on my blog! They liked my blog enough to comment. Someone read what I wrote! You guys! Isn’t that crazy/weird/awesome/scary/fantastic?”
I sat in the lobby of the old hospital building when my kids were in their last counseling session. The session was over two hours long. I sat and waited. I should have gotten groceries. I should have run to the bank. I could have done a lot of things. Will was concerned that Mark might take them ‘somewhere’ after the session. To offer Will some comfort, I promised that I’d be sitting there when the kids got out of the session.
I am the stream. I am the stream. I am the stream.
I thought about posting the most damning quotes from the emails received from Mark in the last few days. I thought I might even write about how Mark is telling Will that while every boy needs a mom, they don’t need a mom who poisons them with the hate they feel for that boy’s dad. I thought I’d even post entire copies of those emails. (Trust me. They far exceed the 1000 word limit that a lot of bloggers prefer.) I thought of posting his criticisms and defending myself. His writings further prove his disorder, so it certainly would be more fodder for this blog.
I do follow the rules in unfamiliar situations. I read the signs, ask for directions, follow the guidelines and survey the expert opinions. But once I’m in my comfort zone, I start to look at things differently. I start to ask, “Why?” I’m not trying to be belligerent. I’m trying to understand if the reason something “has always been done that way” is really the right reason for doing it that way.
I’m lousy at identifying trees. My neighbor has a ginormous – Maple? Green Ash? – tree in his front yard that creates the loveliest umbrella over our driveway. On a hot summer day (please let us have a few this year) there isn’t a better place to stand than on the shady cool cement of the driveway, with a dripping popsicle, under the dense lacy shade of that tree.
I did it. Saturday night I 
