Random Observations « Surviving Narcissism

Random Observations

Defining Terms

“Today is ballroom skiing.”

“Huh?”

“Every time you come back from skiing, you share tales of near misses, close calls with concussions, clothes-line incidents and big-air jumps. Today you are skiing on new/used skis after having broken a ski. You know what ballroom skiing is. I want to see ballroom skiing.”

(I define ballroom skiing as big, wide, gentle turns and little to no air.)

I am nervous about Will skiing on some used skis that he found on eBay. They need a lot of tuning, a little waxing and some trial and error. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 10 Comments
31
Jan 16

Attack of the Shoulds

I should read more.

I should exercise more.

I should call family and friends more.

I should push Will more in school.

I should get Jen to the skating rink more. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 6 Comments
22
Jan 16

Recording Memories

“Outside. Outside! OUTSIDE! Geez, the door is open. You can go outside!”

I was talking to the dogs, or maybe the kids. I can’t remember.

There was the usual chaos that comes with bouncy dogs, kids infested with cabin fever, and a cranky mom who’d forgotten to eat. I checked their school lists and saw that some progress had been made, but more wouldn’t be made unless they both blew off some stink.

Before I could utter the suggestion, Jen looked at my face and calmly said, “Mom? If we promise to get back on our lists, can we head to the pond?”

“Please. Yes. Please go to the pond. Can you take the dogs with you?” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 12 Comments
15
Jan 16

On Finding Happiness or Where’s the Embroidery Floss?

We moved, you know. We packed up all our stuff and headed 90 miles west. We’ve been here three and a half months now. Everything is put away. We are finding a groove. We are recreating our old schedule in these new, much larger digs.

We even survived the holidays in this new place.

Barely.

A couple weeks before Christmas I was working on a homemade gift that needed to be finished and mailed. I had to have some purple embroidery floss. That’s when the craziness began, or I should say, the craziness got a little crazier. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The Bartender — 6 Comments
30
Nov 15

I Do Not Like Green Pumpkin Pie

“Hey Jesse! How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Well, we all came down with that stomach bug. Only three of the four of us could even eat the dinner. My pumpkin pie turned green. And the dogs ate all of the salami we’d sliced for appetizers. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and I’m NOT being facetious. How was yours? Oh… I’ll have a Fat Tire, please.”

Hank laughed, “Wow! You sound like a beer-drinking Erma Bombeck.”

“I’d bet she tossed back a few in her day. Seriously, though, how was your turkey day?”

“Nice and quiet, just how I like it.” Hank placed an almost over-flowing glass of beer in front of Jesse. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
5
Nov 15

A Bird’s Eye View

Keep your crystal ball, I want a bird’s eye view of the path I’ve chosen. Make no mistake, I don’t want to know the outcome. I’m not rushing off to a fortune teller in hopes of getting validation that I’m on the right track. I’ve consulted the runes enough times to get confused over their seemingly mixed signals. They offer some encouragement, but I want more than that.

I want to sore above the trees and get the kind of perspective that only a bird can get. I want a view of the horizon. I want to see right up to the edge without any spoilers. I don’t want to know how it ends. I don’t want to know if there will be a “happily ever after.”

I want to know if I chose the correct path. I want to see if the guideposts are meant for me. I want reassurance that the struggle is due, without knowing the payoff.

Please don’t tell me to have faith.

I’ve had faith before. I’ve continued blindly on what I thought was the right path. The signs along the way were screaming at me to turn around. But I had faith, and I kept going down that path. I had faith, but I didn’t believe. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — Comments Off
21
Sep 15

Why You Need an HSP in Your Life

You probably have an HSP in your life. There are a lot of us out there.

If you’re reading this, you are most likely a Highly Sensitive Person.

Many, however, who are probably not HSP, read the title of this post, rolled their eyes and opted to read something else. They are tired of hearing about us. They can’t relate. They aren’t wired to relate. They’ve come to believe that HSPs are an inconvenience or that we are high-maintenance. We’re too sensitive, take everything personally, and get overwhelmed easily. They may not realize that they have HSPs in their lives who serve very important roles.

HSPs are the folks you turn to when you need real human contact. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 4 Comments
11
Aug 15

When Your Lizard Brain is Your Dating Coach

If your lizard brain stands in as your dating coach, odds are you’d better stay home.

Lizard Brain: You aren’t wearing those shoes are you?

Me: Why not? What’s wrong with them?

LB: Well, those heels will probably make you taller than he is, but it’s up to you. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations — 6 Comments
3
Jul 15

Under the Rug

She grew up watching her mom sweep everything under the rug. Her mom grew up watching her mom sweep everything under the rug. It was what they did. Their hurts, disappointments, frustrations and expectations all went under the rug.

In the beginning, only the big stuff made it under the rug – the aunt’s DUI, the brother’s marital transgressions, the grandfather’s financial mess. (There were some things under the rug that are too big to mention here – like the time her husband back-handed her.) But, as time went on, she found it easier to sweep even the little things under the rug. Disappointments fit under there nicely, thereby preventing an inevitable argument if she dared to mention those disappointments.

When the kids were younger, it wasn’t an issue. They didn’t notice her lifting the corner of the rug several times a week, and if they did, they thought it was normal. The difficulty came when the kids got old enough to notice. They couldn’t help but trip over the heap under the rug. They’d hear dad’s harsh words, see mom grab the broom, and they just knew she’d reach for the corner of the rug.

Recently she’d come home with a new, much larger rug to accommodate the pile. She moved the old rug to her daughter’s room. The colors in the rug worked well with the colors in her daughter’s duvet. That’s how she would justify the purchase of the larger rug.

She never took the time to explain to the kids why she hid things. Better to leave it alone than open up that can of worms and have to deal with all the issues heaped under the rug. The kids got to the point where they pretended not to notice. They’d look the other way when mom reached for the broom. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / The Bartender — 4 Comments
15
Jun 15

Uncharted Territory

When Hank smiles, his eyes crease, filling the white crows feet created by off hours spent on the river in the sun. “Nice to see you, Janna. What’ll you have?”

“A gin and tonic would be great. Thanks. How are you? It looks like you’ve managed to find the sun when you aren’t tending bar.”

Hank laughed, “Yep. The weather has finally made up its mind. Now if I could get the fish to do the same. How are you?”

“I’m well. I think.”

“Uh oh. Sounds like there’s a story there.” Hank places a napkin in front of Janna, and tops it with her drink. “Hey, was it last month you were in here, all excited about a new man in your life? How’s that going?” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 1 Comment
28
May 15

When to Accommodate

“Margaret?”

“Yes, dear?”

Gladys smoothed the crease of her skirt. “Why are you always so accommodating?”

“Whatever do you mean, dear?”

“Well, you always put everyone else first. You always consider other needs before your own.” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 3 Comments
22
May 15

On Being Seen

I’ll bet you aren’t being seen. I’ll go so far as to say that you probably don’t even know that you aren’t being seen.

You probably haven’t been seen your whole life, so you think that’s normal.

Maybe you haven’t been seen because you are an INFJ. INFJs don’t want to be the center of attention. They’re fine coming off a bit mysterious. They don’t necessarily want to be seen by many, but some of us do crave being seen by a chosen few.

You see others, though. You see their preferences – their likes and dislikes. You may see an image on Pinterest and know exactly whose house it fits. When you scan a menu, you know, before your partner knows, what he’s going to order. When you give a gift, you almost always hear, “It’s perfect! You know me so well!” Walking through a bookstore, browsing titles, you know which subjects your roommate gravitates to. You remember how folks take their coffee. You know who prefers a movie at home over a crowded theater. You know who likes cab instead of chardonnay. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Moving On / Random Observations — 9 Comments
13
May 15

How to Say “No”

“So why don’t you just say “no”?”

I put my cell back in my pocket and exhaled loudly as we continued our walk. “I dunno, Jen. My knee-jerk reaction is to always try to accommodate – if I can.”

“When they asked you, did you know right away what your answer was? Did you know right away that you wanted to say no?”

“Well, sure I knew I didn’t want to say yes – my stomach clenched. Yikes. That’s a pretty good indication that I want to say no. I don’t need more on my plate.”

She moved me closer to the sidewalk as a car approached – ever the protector, that one. “How come you don’t just say no right away?” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 13 Comments
23
Apr 15

A Day in the Life of an Anxious Attacher

“Focus, already!”

“You’ve heard from him. Knock it off.”

“There must be something wrong. I sent him that email 20 minutes ago, and still no response.”

Such are the words inside the mind of an Anxious Attacher.

She might start the day optimistic. She’ll have her to-do list ready, her projects prioritized, her appointments scheduled and her coffee consumed. She’ll be heading down a productive path that gets things crossed off her list, helps her feel positive and full of energy, and then… she gets an email where he sounds a little off. He sounds like he might be out of sorts. He may not even be out of sorts, but she so adeptly reads between the lines that she’ll be convinced he’s out of sorts by the fifth time she’s reread his email. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / The Bartender — 8 Comments
11
Mar 15

When the Other Shoe Drops

Hank had finished polishing the bar when two women approached and perched on adjacent stools. He waited for a pause in their conversation before asking what they’d like. He heard the brunette say, “Well, you know that I’m always waiting for that moment when the other shoe drops. It’s the way I’ve always been.”