Seeing My Path

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 5 Comments
16
Nov 12

When Your Best Friend is a Narcissist

Best friends have tea together.Guest Post by Anonymous

 

At the age of 12, she didn’t know why she cared so much about her friend, the one who was a notorious mean girl.  The one who played the games that mean girls do…  She didn’t understand why that friend mattered so much to her, even more than those she had known forever, even more than the ones who had proven themselves to be kind, caring girls….

She didn’t understand until nearly a quarter of a century later why that person seemed “right” – seemed familiar….  In the two years before she ended the friendship with her narcissistic friend, she often questioned herself, “Why do I even care so much about someone I don’t respect, someone that has hurt me so many times?”

She didn’t put two and two together, that the friend who called her names and ignored her, was a lot like her dad, who shamed her and ignored her. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
2
Oct 12

What Change Feels Like

Change feels like the steady slow creep to the crest of the roller coaster hill, the brief pause before the crazy descent and the exhilaration that comes from having the guts to go, without the throwing up after.

Change feels like the warmth coming from the wood stove after splitting and stacking the wood and cleaning the chimney – the warmth that comes from self-sufficiency and independence.

Change feels like that pair of jeans that fits your figure and makes you feel good about yourself, even if there are parts of you that you’d just as soon forget about.

Change feels like the time you had the courage to raise your hand because you knew the answer, having been called on, and being right.

Change feels like knowing something –  down to your bones:  the directions to your brother’s house in a city you visit once a year; the memorized recipe for brownies you make from scratch when that craving for chocolaty decadence takes over; the friend you can call at whatever hour because you both are always there for each other. Continue reading →

Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 1 Comment
29
Sep 12

Control Your Destiny


I believe that you control your destiny,
that you can be what you want to be.
You can also stop and say,
“No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore.
I’m lonely and I need people around me,
maybe I have to change my methods of behaving.”
And then you do it.
– Leo Buscaglia

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Quotes / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
14
Sep 12

On Understanding Your Beliefs

There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more
than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.
– Frank A. Clark
 
Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 9 Comments
20
Aug 12

On French Braids, Golf Swings and Life

beautiful healthy hair“I braid your hair almost every morning.  How come today I can’t remember how to do this?  It’s like my fingers checked out and they aren’t listening to my brain.”

I started over from the top.  This time I quit thinking about it.  I let my fingers do the work and thought about something else.  I watched as my hands worked together –  pulling in new strands and overlapping them.

“Hand me a ponytail holder.  It’s done.”

Jenny laughed and asked, “How did you remember what to do?”

“I quit thinking about what to do and let my fingers do what they do every morning.  I got my brain out of the way.  I’ve been telling Will that he ought to do the same thing with his golf swing.  He needs to quit thinking about it and just swing.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 15 Comments
4
Aug 12

On Old Wounds and Changing Bandages

“Can I see you when I get out that way?”

She replied to his email – the one she shouldn’t have opened – with, “As friends.”

He didn’t like that answer.  (Do guys ever like that answer?)

He waited to call, hoping she’d make the first move.

She didn’t. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 38 Comments
5
Jul 12

Scream It With Me

From the nearest hilltop.

From a virtual mountain, if that’s your thing.

From the top floor of your apartment building.

From your desk at work with your mute button on.

From your shower.

With fists clenched and head thrown back…

 

“I am a good person.

I have a kind heart.

I have always tried to do my best.

I know I am responsible for where I have ended up.

 

Must I pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life?!

 

May I be done now?”

 

 

Straighten your blouse, brush your bangs to the side, glance around to see if anyone is staring and get back on your path.

 

 

*The desperate screams of a woman who fears she’ll have to deal with her narcissistic ex-husband for the rest of her life.

 

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 Comments
14
Jun 12

The Best Kind of Party

Planning life like you would plan a partyGrab a pen.  We’re going to plan a party.

Really.

This’ll be fun.

What if you planned your life like you would plan the ultimate party?

Wait….  don’t tell me you hate planning parties.  That’s probably because you think that you have to invite certain people, serve particular foods and drinks, provide a sparkling evening that will please everyone and clean up the mess when it’s over. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 21 Comments
15
May 12

My Conversation With Audrey Hepburn

I steeled myself enough to peek over the edge of the covers.  Audrey was staring back at me.

“This is kind of late for you, isn’t it Dear?  Shouldn’t you be well into the morning’s chapter of reading by now?”

“I know, Audrey.  I know.  This is late.  I’m hiding.  I’m playing the role of the ostrich today.”

“I see.  So because you received a call with some unsettling news on Saturday, and slumped around in a funk all day Sunday, you think what you really need to do today is sleep in and avoid the rest of the world?”

“Well… yes.  I am going to fold my tent.  I will fold it neatly and tuck it away.  I’ll spend the day in bed with the covers pulled over my head and wait for everything to blow away in the wind.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 14 Comments
10
May 12

Comfortable as an Old Pair of Jeans

She walks in the door after a day of meetings, appointments, disappointments and challenges.  Before she pours a glass of red, she puts on her favorite pair of jeans – the ones with the threadbare knees.  The cotton has softened with many washings, and now the fabric covering her thighs resembles suede more than denim.

She sits on the couch with her legs curled under her.  With each sip of wine, she mulls over the day.  As she reviews the interactions she can’t help but think of how she felt during each exchange.

__________

The meeting with her supervisor left her feeling stiff and tense  – the same way she feels when dressed for work in a crisply ironed blouse and business suit.  There never seems to be room enough to stretch her arms or take a deep breath.  A day spent in that suit is a day spent as someone else.

The lunch with her sister was every bit as uncomfortable as the expensive wool sweater her sister had given her last Christmas.  The style didn’t fit her.  The colors didn’t match anything in her closet.   On the rare occasion that she wore the itchy cardigan, she was reminded of how disconnected she and her sister had always been.  The scratchy texture of the wool equaled her sister’s insensitivity. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 Comments
4
May 12

On Enjoying the Ride

Imagine how sweet this journey would be if we quit second-guessing every one of our decisions.  What if we reveled in the things that went well for longer than we stewed over the things that went wrong.

We’d more easily live in the moment, if we quit beating ourselves up over how we mishandled the last moment.

 

Potholes Along the Way

Festering, lingering, dwelling on the difficult does not help us learn the lesson better; it keeps us in a holding pattern and prevents the arrival of new lessons. Continue reading →

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 11 Comments
13
Apr 12

Time Out

self-care at its finestThe rainy grey skies gave her permission to sink into the couch.

Leaks were collecting in metal bowls that ran the length of the soggy carpet.  She had lined the bowls with paper towels to mute the ping ping as the drips accelerated.

The ping pings soon turned to sploosh splooshes.

The kids would be gone for four hours.

The basket next to the fire was stocked with wood. The fire peaked at her through the glass, giving her its permission. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 Comments
10
Apr 12

When Enough Is Enough

She could remember when seeing his name in her Inbox made her heart race with excitement.  Now seeing his name in her Inbox made her palms sweat.  She let the cursor hover over his name.  She didn’t want to click to open his email.

She’d have to decide what to write back.

Did she even want to write back?

Being nice was her thing.  She’d been supportive.  She’d been there.  She’d listened and responded.

Was there anything positive coming out of this relationship?  If this was positive, why did it feel bad?

Were there healthier places to invest this energy?

Was she opening and answering emails because she was afraid there wouldn’t be another to come along.

She closed her laptop and stared out the window at the park.

__________

Her daughter came up and said, “Mom…  are you interruptible?  Can I ask you something?”

She looked into her daughter’s blue eyes and found the answer she’d been looking for:

Would she – one day – want her kids to
pin their hopes on this kind of relationship?

 

She opened her laptop and deleted his email before opening it.

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 6 Comments
16
Mar 12

That’s Not My Journey

We may walk hand in hand for a time, or we may know each other only briefly.

We’ll share many of the same turns and detours.

We’ll marvel at the beauty found in the connection we share.

I may pull your rolling red Samsonite for a stretch, and you might offer to carry my fraying black backpack.

I will empathize and address your concerns with compassion.  I will hand you tissues when you cry and pour the wine while you laugh so hard you can’t hold your glass.

I will listen while you detail the reasons for your choices.  We’ll both smile and nod when we realize we’ve made similar mistakes.

We’ll learn lessons from each other that we wouldn’t be able to learn from another.

I’ll be the first to pat you on the back.  Though I instinctively brush off your kind words, I’ll try to remember to be gracious.

Neither of us may know where we are going, but I will not follow you.

That’s not my journey.

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 34 Comments
9
Mar 12

Things That Can Be Fixed

Jenny fixes a too gaudy Barbie dress by altering it.  She cuts off the flouncy sleeves and shortens the train.  She might use tape or thread or buttons, but she knows she can fix it.  She’ll even fix Barbie’s hair with snips here and there.

When the wheels don’t spin fast enough on his skateboard, Will can fix that problem by cleaning the bearings.

I can fix a too-thin sauce in a batch of  Chicken and Broccoli Fettuccine by letting the sauce soak into the pasta a bit before serving.

I fix the toilet when it makes that whistling sound.  Will fixes the squeaky hinge on the art supply cupboard.  Jen fixes a meal of flowers and herbs for her imaginary pony.

Fixing is what we do.  Fixing is in our blood. Continue reading →

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