Parenting / Random Observations — 25 comments
02
Jan 12

A Whisper In The Trees

whisperI stop at the top of the hill and yell for them to keep going.  I want to watch them.

I plant my poles, snug my hat down a bit and wrap my arms around myself to block the chill.

The temperature hovers at 10 degrees.  It’s beautiful windless cold – the crisp blue of a winter sky when the light makes edges sharp.

I take a mitten off to wipe my nose.

I quick jam my hand back in the mitten and tuck thumbs into the finger sides to soak up the warmth generated by many.  Thumbs have it tough.  They can’t generate enough heat all by their lonesome.  They need company to have any shot at getting warm. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Quotes / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 21 comments
28
Dec 11

Idea Magnets

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
 

 The other day we stopped at a convenience store to pick up corn nuts and Cheetos for a road trip.  We placed our stuff on the counter and the clerk said, “So have you heard about the theory that if a train started out today and …. speed of light….  circling the globe…..   rate of speed…..  it would arrive in the year 2032?”

Don’t quote me on that because, honestly, I didn’t understand a word he said, but he sparked an entertaining conversation that lasted the first 30 miles of our road trip.

We have a new friend that fixes us chicken pot pie and brownies and chats with us – even kids* – about things like past lives, quantum physics, philosophy and art.

For several days after one of those dinners, Will can be heard saying, “Is that really a chair, or do you just think it’s a chair?”  Jenny will say, “Is it really that windy out, or do I just think it’s that windy out?” Continue reading →

Random Observations — 7 comments
24
Dec 11

A Different Sort of Christmas List

snow-on-christmas

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you and Mrs. Claus feeling healthy, happy and optimistic about the New Year.  Please know how much I appreciate the way you spread good cheer and lighten the mood in our little home.

I bought myself boots this year, Santa, so I’m covered.  I’m being presumptuous, I know, but I wonder if you could see to it that our friends on the blog get some good things this year.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that they always put their own needs and wants last.  Perhaps you could put them at the top of your list this year.


Christmas List

  • Three foot snow drifts for those who love snow.
  • Sunny skies, 70 degree temps and gentle breezes for those who can do without the white stuff.
  • Enough time during the holiday to enjoy a movie or a good book with loved ones, without worrying about what ought to be done, or what needs to be done.
  • Total reign over the remote, a full bag of Cheetos, and no interruptions for the length of an entire movie.
  • Cards and calls from dear friends, without the pressure of having to schedule one more party or luncheon.
  • Eggnog with the perfect pinch of nutmeg.
  • Enough calm, quiet, peaceful moments to appreciate the good things they have.
  • A warm conversation void of cynicism and sarcasm.
  • Enough wine to add to the merriment, but not so much that they forget when to shut up.
  • All their favorite foods, and the discipline to recognize when they’ve enjoyed enough.
  • A cozy bed, no need to set an alarm clock, and dreams filled with all good possibilities for 2012.
  • A  genuine pat on the back and acknowledgement for all they’ve accomplished in 2011.
  • A healthy dose of unconditional love.
  • Resolution to at least one of the troubles that keep them awake at night, and the wisdom to see where they could resolve more issues.
  • The perfect bite of chocolate when they think there isn’t a bite left in the house.
  • Sleighs full of laughter to last the whole year through.
  • A surprise in the stocking of the ones who always make sure to fill all the other stockings.

Thank you, Santa. I don’t have to tell you how deserving they are. Best wishes to you and Mrs. Claus.

__________

 

    Merry Christmas friends.

    Thanks for all your kind wishes this year.

    Parenting / Random Observations — 12 comments
    21
    Dec 11

    When Mom Is Santa

    santaWith their pinkies pointing at my face, they backed me up against the kitchen counter saying, “Pinky swear you aren’t the one bringing us presents on Christmas morning!  Pinky swear to it!”

    What could I do?

    I could have continued the charade.  I’ve come up with some pretty clever lines over the years – lines that have let my kids keep believing, but how much longer should I keep lying?

    And because the Universe always brings me what I need, when I need it most, I’d read this post earlier in the day, and was a bit prepared.

    Over a dinner of grilled ham and cheese and homemade apple pie, I answered questions – lots of questions. Continue reading →

    Recipes — 13 comments
    16
    Dec 11

    Chocolate Pillows

    chocolate-pillowsIt would be the closest I’d get to being a real Santa Elf.  I was thirteen and my brother eleven.  Through the family grapevine, we were selected to help the Cookie Lady.

    When were arrived, she was wearing a purple flowered frilly apron that belied her drill sergeant attitude.  She greeted us with a tight smile, and handed us plain white restaurant-style aprons.

    She wasn’t the wrap-her-arm-around-you, mushy grandma who pinches your cheeks kind of woman.  She was all business.  This was her big event of the year, and she had a system.

    I remember feeling intimidated by her fancy house, her proper language, her tall, upright posture and her reputation.  It was a privilege to be invited to help, but scary as hell.

    After a minimal amount of “How are yous” and formalities, she delivered the instructions. Continue reading →

    Parenting / Random Observations / Tools — 20 comments
    12
    Dec 11

    When You Don’t Want To Go Out There

    dance-partnerIt’s cold outside.

    I won’t know anyone there.

    I can’t go dressed like this.

    Everyone will be younger.

    Everyone will be older. Continue reading →

    Parenting / Random Observations — 15 comments
    08
    Dec 11

    If It Isn’t One Thing, It’s Your Period

    old-white-shedThey could have banished me to the old white shed.

    I wouldn’t have blamed them.

    In desperation, I came up with a plan to try and establish balance in our home.

    I wanted to go back to bed.

    I wanted to eat everything in sight. Continue reading →

    Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 comments
    05
    Dec 11

    I Want to be a Sparkly Turquoise Scrunchy

    turquoise-scrunchy

    It sat there for six days.

    I couldn’t bring myself to put it away.

    In my typical state of doing too many things at once, while talking to Will, brushing my teeth and straightening the bathroom, I almost tossed it in the cupboard.

    But I stopped myself.

    I had grown to like the look of it.

    Really.

    I’m okay.

    I swear.

    __________

    I liked its simpleness.

    I liked its sparkles.

    I liked that it barely left a slight shadow.

    I liked how it stood out amongst the things it sat beside.

    I liked how it waited patiently until it was pressed into service.

    I liked that it didn’t have an identity crisis, and knew completely and without a doubt what it was expected to do.  It might be worn on a tiny wrist or twisted into a doll’s hair, but it had a single, primary function that it performed better than most anything else.

    It didn’t care that it was no longer in style.

    It didn’t care that it wasn’t used very often.

    It levitated happily, in its place, letting its shiny threads brighten our day.

    Oh… to be a Sparkly Turquoise Scrunchy.

    Homeschool / Parenting / Random Observations / Tools — 14 comments
    30
    Nov 11

    What Do You Need To Be Happy?

    I could have said, “Geez you guys!  I can’t handle this stuff laying around everywhere!”

    I could have said, “I want more time to do what I love, instead of having to pick up after you two!”

    I could have said, “I need a break from this mess!”

    I could have said a number of things, but while I was washing off the metaphorical dirt in the shower, I hatched a better plan.

    It went something like this:

    Take out a piece of paper. Continue reading →

    Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 comments
    28
    Nov 11

    Ignore the Two Steps Back

    One step forward, two steps back.

    One step forward, two steps back.

    One step for……

     

    I know, already!

     

     

    Yet I can be found grumbling, kicking rocks and beating myself up with each one of those steps taken back.

     

    My cheerleader voice says:

    “Focus on the progress.”

    “See how far you’ve come.”

    “Hello, Girl!  You are way better off now than you were five years ago!”

    “It’s okay to slip up once in awhile.”

     

    And because I was never a cheerleader in real life – is high school real life? – I gravitate to the curmudgeon side of me that says:

    “Why do you let him get to you?”

    “Wow, Jesse, way to emulate grace and poise,” in a most facetious tone.

    “Hello?  Have you forgotten what the pattern is here?”

     

    And then the wise old soul in me – the one who lightens up, the one who doesn’t take all this shit too seriously, the one gently encouraged by the Universe, the one whose cup is empty says:

    “Jesse, it’s okay.”

    “That’s what it’s like to be human.”

    “Slip-ups happen on the way to progress.”

    “You are showing your kids that it’s okay to make a mistake, own it, and move on.”

    “Remember that thing about the bitter and the sweet?”

    “Just keep moving, honey, and don’t put so damn much emphasis on those two steps back.”



    Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 9 comments
    24
    Nov 11

    Appreciation for Blessings

    Call it gratitude, thanks, or appreciation.

    Blessings come in many shapes and sizes.

    I am grateful for many things every day, but today I am especially grateful for these blessings.

    • A safe, cozy home – free of judgment and negative energy.
    • Family and friends who infuse our lives with love, humor, skill saws, plumbing knowledge and free labor.
    • A cat who knows when we need extra attention, and doesn’t get too mad at us when we take occasional road trips.
    • The opportunity to let kids be kids in all their exuberance, sweet messiness, and enthusiastically curious selves.
    • The ability to let the kids pick the menu for today’s feast.  (Pot roast, buttery noodles, lasagna, macaroni and cheese and Cheetos – cuz it’s about the getting together and not about forcing kids to eat stuffing made with chunks of gizzard.  Sorry, mom.  But I will miss your stuffing.)
    • The chance to start a new day with grace and integrity even though I blew all my grace and integrity out of the water with Mark a couple days ago.
    • The deep understanding that I am perfect in my whole unique self. I may have a long way to go, but it’s okay if I mess up, and the important thing is that I keep trying.
    • The insightful, often funny, warm and encouraging comments from all the caring individuals who read this blog.
    • Two amazing kids – one tucked under each arm – who chose to make this journey with me.
    • That look in the eye of someone who knows you, understands you, and loves you anyway.
    • Second chances.
    • The quiet moment to sit down with a fresh cup of coffee and laugh, after the mountain of holiday dishes are done.
    • Leftover lasagna instead of leftover turkey.

    Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends!

    Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 20 comments
    17
    Nov 11

    A Life Remodel

    One day, I’m going to get an internship at the Behr Paint Factory.  I’ll show up for work in jeans and sit in one of those spinning desk chairs that tip back.  I’ll prop my feet on the desk and throw Nerf basketballs in the net above the coffee machine.  I’ll spend the whole day brainstorming with my jean-clad co-workers about paint names.

    I’ll yell out, “Champagne Moon, you know, for that iridescent yellowish quality that a full moon has.”

    The gal at the corner desk will say, “Crushed Grass, you know…  when you step on grass and it gets that lighter shade of Kelly Green.”

    There will be that guy in the office who hits on every female, and he’ll say, “How about Wet Sheets, for….”

    And the girl at the corner desk will roll her eyes and cut him off. Continue reading →

    Child of Narcissist / Homeschool / Parenting / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 10 comments
    14
    Nov 11

    The Impact of Attitude

    The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.
    And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.
    C. Swindoll*

    I have a choice.

    I could wake this morning, annoyed that winter is on its way, and I’ll soon be shoveling walks and hauling firewood; or I could appreciate the built-in exercise routine that doesn’t require a monthly health club fee.

    I could be angry that I am a single mom with full responsibility for raising two kids by myself; or I could appreciate how fortunate I am that they are with me 98 percent of the time.

    I could be missing the much nicer house we used to live in, and the lack of money worries; or I could appreciate that this home is full of love and comfort, and my kids have learned valuable lessons that come from living within our means.

    I could be annoyed by the mess from the English Muffins and coffee makings; or I could appreciate that they can make their own breakfast, and make me a cup while they’re at it.

    I could be anxious that I’m single and 49; or I could revel in the sheer joy of being single and 49.

    I could be worried about what the future holds, and whether I’ll benefit from the choices I’m making; or I could trust that the level of contentment I see in the three of us is a good indication that we are headed in the right direction.

    I could be cranky about having started a bathroom remodel when I know next to nothing about such things; or I could turn this into a homeschool project where all three of us learn in the process.

    I could bark at the kids when I can’t handle the mess; or I could acknowledge that this is their house, too, and gently ask them to help when I feel overwhelmed.

    __________

     


    I could choose to see what is wrong in our life and our choices; or I could choose to see what is right.


    I can choose to wake with a positive attitude and greet my two with a smile and a kind voice that gets the day off to a good start.


    I have a choice.


    *Thank you, Kate.  ;)

    Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations / Tools — 12 comments
    09
    Nov 11

    Ordinary, Everyday Bright Spots

    pressed-leaf1They are in there.

    I promise.

    You might have to train yourself to look at things differently.

    Some bright spots may require a little effort on your part.

    Some bright spots just happen.

    Once you notice them, savor them.

    • Perfectly steeped tea, toast with the right amount of seedless raspberry jam, a good magazine and a few quiet moments to read.
    • A Jackson Browne song, followed by a Bonnie Raitt song, followed by Fleetwood Mac on the radio as you’re driving down a tree-lined street under a canopy of red, yellow and gold.
    • When the kids enjoy working together to build a ginormous pile of leaves for jumping in; and the sound of their caring, cooperative voices laughing and happy.
    • A canceled dad visit.
    • An email from a friend that simply says, “I was thinking of you today.”
    • The cat jumping into your lap, simultaneously warming you and slowing your heart rate.
    • When she finds the perfect leaf engraved with the mysterious zig zag and sets about pressing it in waxed paper between two heavy cookbooks, and doesn’t ask for help.
    • When he yells, “Thanks for washing my clothes, mom!”
    • A long, hot, uninterrupted, steamy shower with time to apply rosemary-scented pumice foot rub on dry cracked heels.
    • Spontaneous hugs and whispers of “I love you” from the child who didn’t use to be so demonstrative.
    • When she says, “Mom, can I fold the towels?  Please?”
    • When, at 4:30, you call and invite someone for dinner at 6, and they say, “Yes!  And I’ll bring the wine!”
    • When you stop raking for a second, realize that it’s not windy, and you can hear the train rumbling along the tracks down by the river and the high-pitched sound of the wings of the Canadian Geese as they fly over head.
    • That first sip of Merlot when the spaghetti sauce is simmering gently, the kids are outside rolling in the leaves and Dean Martin’s version of Sway comes on the iPod.
    • That delicious place at the end of the day when all the doors are locked, the kids are tucked in safely,  you lay back on a new pillow, open up a new book,  and realize you have the freedom to read for as long as you want.
    • The moment when you realize that all your choices have brought you to this place in time, and you discover that you are right where you want to be.
    Homeschool / Parenting / Random Observations — 20 comments
    04
    Nov 11

    Around the Corner

    old-faithfulThe car was stocked with corn nuts, sunflower seeds, pretzels, waters and grapes. (I forgot the Fritos.)  Kids had their papers and pens for marking off which animals they might see. The tank was full of gas and the heat was cranked.

    They say the best times for viewing animals are in the morning or in the evening.

    We entered at the West entrance of Yellowstone at 2:30 p.m.

    We had time to circle through, catch Old Faithful, and hope to see whatever animals would be out before it got too dark.

    I’ve always loved Yellowstone in the fall.  There aren’t as many tourists and there are more animals to see because the temperatures are more favorable – for the critters, not the humans. Continue reading →

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